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Late night hosts say God and Bill Clinton were the real DNC stars

Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert.

The late-night talk show hosts were in agreement Thursday night. The stars of the Democratic National Convention were God and Bill Clinton.

Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert both had fun with the Democrats flip-flopping on the inclusion of the Lord in their political platform.

“I have faith in a God who’s not too insecure, who doesn’t freak out if you don’t mention his name enough,” Stewart said.

He also had fun with the process itself, which saw the Democrats conduct a voice vote approving the change multiple times before they got a result that maybe, sorta-kinda sounded somewhat close to being a two-thirds majority -- if you assumed that many "yes" voters were whispering. Surely the reflection of the results on the teleprompter before the vote took place had nothing to do with that decision. Surely.

“Tie goes to the prompter,” Stewart said. “On the positive side, we finally have found the evidence of Democratic voter fraud that the Republicans are always complaining about.”

On the other hand, Colbert noted that, “Party platforms always mention the Lord. For Pete’s sake, the Republican platform is just a picture of Jesus with a thought bubble that says ‘Get ‘Er Done.”

And the “Colbert Report” host warned, “Folks, he’s very sensitive. Read your Bible, he’s got a hair trigger. And of course the Democrats cannot hide what they’ve done from God, because he googles himself constantly.”

Clinton gets props

Jay Leno was more focused on Clinton, raving about his prime-time sales pitch for President Obama.

“Both conventions are probably over and if you watched, I think it’s clear who should be the next President of the United States -- Bill Clinton,” Leno said.

“Bill Clinton spent 50 minutes praising Barack Obama’s accomplishments as president. Imagine how long he would have talked if they actually liked each other,” the “Tonight Show” host added.


He also took some jabs at Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s taxes, commenting on the report that hackers claimed to have Romney’s tax records and threatened to release them unless they were paid off. “This is such an unethical money-making scheme that Mitt Romney said he was quite impressed -- ‘I could use these guys at Bain Capital. See if they’re available.’”

‘Letter to Santa Claus’

Stewart also got serious later in “The Daily Show,” interviewing Austan Goolsbee. The University of Chicago professor and former Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors for Barack Obama had strong feelings on the “are you better off now than you were four years ago?” question.

“That was about the worst 4-5 months in the economic history of the United States,” Goolsbee said. “The thought that people would like to go back to then when we were losing 800,000 jobs a month is a joke.”

Goolsbee also noted that contrary to what they advertised, the Republican economic plan is vague to the point of irrelevance. “They keep saying it’s a specific plan. It’s not specific at all. The specifics are like ‘Make America better,’ Goolsbee said.

“It reads like a letter to Santa Claus,” Stewart agreed.

 

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