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Late night: Iranian entourage at Costco concerns Colbert, Stewart talks to Arnold Schwarzenegger

Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert mocked Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's interest in Costco on Monday night's "Colbert Report."

If you were an Iranian looking for fun at the United Nations this week, a trip to Costco might not have been the first stop on your itinerary. Fortunately for Stephen Colbert, however, the approximately 140-person entourage of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spent their free time focused on buying hair care products in bulk.

Colbert was outraged at the presence of the Iranians at the Harlem Costco, though likely not as enraged as those shoppers who were expecting a sleepy midweek shopping experience and instead found a hoard of tourists clogging the shampoo aisle.

“They are seeking to split the atom, and now they can prevent split ends. How could Obama let this happen?” Colbert said.

He also noted that allowing the delegation to shop undercuts the whole point of sanctions, which is to prevent Iran from importing key products.

“We’ll never cripple their regime with economic isolation now that they have their own 200-pound boxes of economy size Advil, bulk bins of Nutter Butter and great shrink-wrapped rafts of shrimp Cup-O-Noodles,” Colbert said. “They’ll be able to hide their nuclear facilities inside their giant discarded barrels of Kirkland cole slaw.

“‘Don’t worry,’ you say, ‘they don’t have enriched uranium yet.’ Well, you know what else Costco sells? Yellow cake. A five-pound box (of cake mix) for $10.85. For $10.85, if you don’t make nukes you’re losing money. These maniacs may deny the Holocaust, but we have just laid the ground for a Holo-Costco,” he added

Good thing Colbert apparently didn’t know that the delegation reportedly hit the Payless and Walgreens stores as well.

‘Let’s get ready to humble!'

Jon Stewart had some fun on “The Daily Show” poking fun at the efforts to downplay expectations heading into the first presidential debate. To hear both his staffers and the talking heads pontificate, it seems like each candidate will consider it a success if they manage to go the whole 90 minutes without throwing up on the audience from sheer terror.

Well, except for New Jersey governor Chris Christie, who went on TV and announced:  “Here’s the good news for the Republicans. We’ve got a candidate who’s going to do extremely well Wednesday night!” He went on to declare Wednesday a game-changer that would witness Romney seize control of the election, a bar considerably higher than the one most of the party had set.

That was confusing to Stewart … for a moment.

“What are you doing Christie?! If Romney fails to meet those expectations, he’s going to lose the general election creating chaos in the Republican Party, leaving an opening in 2016 – ohhhhhhhh,” Stewart said.

The debate jokes were a preview to his interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger. The former governor of California who went through some well-publicized trouble in his personal life a year ago had to be wondering how far he’d fallen, from being in charge of the largest (and arguably most dysfunctional) state in the country to sitting across from Stewart listening to multiple “if you could only go back in time and change things” jokes.

But Schwarzenegger did have something to say about political infighting, not surprising considering his think-tank at USC is looking to end that as well as climate change and other easy-to-solve problems.

“I saw this first-hand in Sacramento -- a lot of good ideas that people put on the table can’t always get done because of the politics,” he said. “We were able to accomplish a lot by bringing the parties together, but there were other things that were much more difficult, and it was a real eye opener. I said we’ve got to cut down our spending by $5 billion and they said ‘hell no, because people need those programs and services. We’re not going to have welfare reform.’”

 That experience should make dealing with the book promotion circuit child’s play.


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