Britney Spears moves her hands around her head.
No one will ever accuse Britney Spears or will.i.am of being lyrical geniuses, but as their new single went to No. 1 on iTunes this week and the video for "Scream & Shout" goes viral, we had to ask: Is this really all fans want from their pop stars?
The nearly 5-minute dance track plays like a forgotten sample from a Black Eyed Peas song, with Britney doing the Fergie talkie parts in what some are hearing as a pseudo-British accent. That's British, as in England. Not Britnish, as in Louisiana.
The whole thing comes off so visually lazy. More than 3 million people have watched Britney stand still, lie down and half-heartedly vogue. For his part, will.i.am puts his hands to his mouth. Oh! He's shouting. The 853 million people who have made "Gangnam Style" the most watched YouTube video ever are shouting, too. Because it's fun to watch!
It's 2012, so we gave up the why-does-everything-have-to-be-AutoTuned fight years ago. And we're still young enough to know about da club and the music played there, even if we can't stay awake long enough to go dance. But Britney and will are saying NOTHING, and this "Get off my lawn!" rant is for all those who still prefer a song that says SOMETHING.
The princess of pop -- who turns 31 on Sunday -- has had six No. 1 albums over her career. She ranks seventh on Forbes' list of 2012's highest-paid musicians -- $58 million in record sales, touring, endorsements and more. In the '90s, songs like "... Baby One More Time" and "Oops! ... I Did It Again" may not have said anything earth-shattering on their way to No. 1, but compared to "Scream & Shout" ...
"... Baby One More Time":
My loneliness is killin' me / I must confess I still believe / When I'm not with you I lose my mind / Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time."
"Scream & Shout":
"Everybody in the club / all eyes on us / all eyes on us / all eyes on us."
Listen for yourself right here (and turn it down if you don't want to blast a couple naughty words):
Granted, it's a will.i.am song and Britney is apparently along for a lyrical ride that only includes telling you to turn this [expletive] up because it's her, [expletive]. But we're such a long way from choreography that brought us the pigtailed schoolgirl here, or the Martian in red leather over here. Why does Britney make dance music if she doesn't even dance anymore?
In a time when 13-year-old Rebecca Black gets a major Internet beat-down for singing about a day of the week, international superstars will.i.am and Britney Spears are screaming and shouting about much less.
Tell us how you like the song. Vote in the attached poll!
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