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Ranking the 'Hangover' craziness, from teeth to tigers

The “Hangover” franchise is all about the Wolf Pack getting into and out of a lot of trouble in a short period of time. But everything's relative. Some of the movie trouble (head-shaving) is relatively minor, but other events (stealing Mike Tyson's tiger?) are crazy. With "Hangover Part III" opening May 23, here's a ranking of the trouble the boys got into in the first two installments.

Crazy ranking 1: Dumb college-kid decisions

Shaving your head
Alan isn't  thrilled by his reflection when he wakes up and sees his buzzed scalp in "Hangover Part II." Then again, he probably shouldn't be surprised. Even a preschooler knows that a knocked-out sibling and a pair of scissors or clippers is a dangerous combination.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Ed Helms really has a missing tooth, and he usually wears an implant, but his dentist took it out for the movie.

Removing your own tooth
Ouch. But since Stu is a dentist, it’s not surprising that he’d know how to do it when challenged in the first film. And how many others have dreamed of yanking their own tooth under the influence of nothing more than the dread of a dental appointment?

Having sex with someone inappropriate
Stu definitely wanted to forget about his sexual encounter in Bangkok, especially when he saw his conquest disrobed. That discomfort aside, waking up regretting the previous night’s romantic exploits doesn’t always require tricked-up marshmallows. Often alcohol is enough to do the trick.


Crazy ranking 2: You're gonna regret this in the morning
 

Leaving a friend on the roof of Caesar’s Palace
To leave one of your wingmen behind after a night on the town is bad enough. But to leave the guest of honor at a bachelor party -- a groom whose wedding day is looming -- on the roof of a Vegas hotel? Not cool. Not cool at all.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Stu wasn't supposed to be the groom, but he found himself falling for a hooker in the city where getting married is as easy as getting a sandwich.

Marrying a hooker
Please. We’re supposed to think Stu marrying Jade (Heather Graham) is something crazy? Hasn’t everyone seen “Pretty Woman?” Richard Gere wound up with Julia Roberts long before the Hangover guys embarked on their bachelor party.

Stealing a police car
In most parts of the United States, swiping a police car is a one-way ticket to jail. In Vegas?  Apparently not so much. The Wolf Pack were just forced to demonstrate a taser’s effects, the type of thing that a radio disc jockey might do on a dare.

Whose baby is this?
Waking up to an unfamiliar baby is a shock to the guys in the first "Hangover." Then again, anyone with kids who goes out with the guys for a late night on the town can't be shocked when his spouse tells him that the children are all his in the morning. 

 

Crazy ranking 3: Death-defyingly loony

Kidnapping a gangster and locking him in the trunk of the car, or hiding his presumed dead body in an ice chest
With most modern cars now including some kind of interior trunk-release lever, it’s a outdated idea to try and trap someone there. As for using the ice chest to hide the body … come on. Anyone familiar with the horror-movie genre knows that’s an obvious place for corpses to turn up.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Cute as it may be, do not steal a monkey from drug dealers.

Swiping a monkey from drug dealers
Considering that the gang plans on leaving Thailand as soon as possible anyway, and probably can’t take their furry friend back to the States with them, this could be something that just gets laughed about in future reunions/sequels. Besides, that monkey would be tough for anyone to resist swiping, even though its cigarette bills would be huge.

Starting a riot
It doesn’t take a drug cocktail to inspire a violent confrontation with police, like the one the crew instigates in Bangkok. A lot of time, all it takes is a sporting event with a controversial ending.

 

Warner Bros. Pictures

Facial tattoos are kind of permanent, Stu.

Crazy ranking 4: Off-the-charts nuts

Getting the Mike Tyson facial tattoo
The decision to get a tattoo isn’t a big deal. Plenty of people have gotten inked in similar circumstances.  But something that elaborate? On the face? The day before that person’s wedding? Stu’s right … that’s one serious demon right there.

Kidnapping a silent, wheelchair-bound monk from a holy place
It doesn’t matter what substances have been ingested … that’s some serious bad karma. And in this case, it led to a well-deserved beatdown when he was returned.

Stealing Mike Tyson’s tiger
Forget the fact that the Wolf Pack broke into Mike Tyson’s house, which was dumb enough. How crazy is it to steal a tiger? What are they supposed to do with it once they get it? What if the kidnappers aren’t as smart as Alan and know that tigers love pepper but hate cinnamon? That would end any Vegas adventure real quick.