Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert may seem like a hard-shelled fake newsman, but inside he's a romantic -- and a devoted fan of "The Bachelor."

Interrupting his own report about the deficit crisis on Thursday's show -- his last before a two-week vacation -- the "Colbert Report" host sighed, "Shut up. Shut up, you stupid, boring news."

"I want to talk about 'The Bachelor.' I love that show," he gushed, before launching a six-minute sendoff of ABC's wildly successful reality dating show.

"Every time I watch, it's just Daddy time," he revealed. "I just pour myself a glass of chardonnay, and I am off to a land of romance."

Between gulps of wine, the starry-eyed host chastised naysayers.

"Don't be a hatah," he admonished, pointing to the series' "successful" track record: "In 16 seasons one guy has gotten married…to the runner-up, after he initially proposed to a different girl. So the system works."

"And how great is Sean?" Colbert continued about the current Bachelor, who's about to pick the woman he wants to marry. "What girl wouldn't want to be with an eligible hunk who has a successful career as a contestant from last season's 'Bachelorette'?"

Good point.

"My favorite part (of the last episode) was the full minute of emotionally charged staring," said the faux journalist, before playing that excruciating clip -- including the melodramatic closeup of Sean's trembling rose -- as his audience guffawed.

Colbert concluded the segment by pitting guest John Sexton, promoting his book "Baseball as a Road to God," against the emotive "Dougie St. James."

"One of you will be my guest tonight, and the other will be going home," declared Colbert, before selecting Sexton for his interview.

Are you as excited about "The Bachelor" finale as Colbert pretends to be? Tell us on our Facebook page!

Related content:

• 'The Bachelor's' Tierra: I didn't do anything wrong
• Anderson Cooper bashes 'fake' 'Bachelor': 'These reality shows are damaging us all'

More in The Clicker:

• 'American Idol' reveals its top 10
• Justin Timberlake fans brave winter weather ahead of 'SNL' gig
• 'Grimm' star Sasha Roiz: 'The secrets are all coming out'

Michelle Obama may have gotten hold of the third season of "Downton Abbey" before pretty much anyone else in America -- but there's one thing she couldn't have seen until Thursday night: "Breaking Abbey."

Thanks to Stephen Colbert and "The Colbert Report," viewers were able to watch exclusive clips from a brand new (and totally fake) series that mashes up "Downton" and the AMC hit "Breaking Bad." 

(Warning: The clip contains some adult language.)

Basically, said Colbert, it's " 'Breaking Bad' as performed by the men of 'Downton Abbey.' "

In the clip, "Downton's" Thomas (Rob James-Collier) is shown breaking open a tea bag and cutting the contents into lines with a credit card when butler Mr. Carson (Jim Carter) walks in. They're quickly joined by Lord Grantham (Hugh Bonneville), who sports a goatee and mustache combo reminiscent of Bryan Cranston's character in "Breaking Bad."

Apparently the Lord has gone into the "black chamomile crank" business in order to solve his money woes. 

"Soon Downton will be kicking it with mad b------ and benjamins," says Grantham. After which, the trio meet up with a gun-toting Mark Conseuelos (as "Spider") and things go ... well, surprisingly politely. At first. This is tea, after all.

Season three of "Downton Abbey" premieres Jan. 6 on PBS.

What did you think of "Downton" meets "Breaking Bad"? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page!

Related content:

• 'Downton Abbey' stars tease 'roller coaster to come'
• 'Downton' does downtown as the Grantham clan goes underground
• 'Downton Abbey' renewed for a fourth season
• 'Downton Abbey' season 3: Check out the photos!

More in The Clicker:

• L.A. Reid: 'I will not return to 'X Factor' next year'
• PTC president slams 'Walking Dead' for 'brutally intense gore'
• Hugh Jackman, Jamie Foxx bust a move on late night

Montclair Film Fest

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

When Jon Stewart took over "The Daily Show" from Craig Kilborn in 1999, he was not immediately made welcome and even considered quitting the show, he revealed in an interview with Stephen Colbert Friday night.

"I walk in the door, into a room with the writers and producers, and the first thing they say is, 'This isn't some MTV bull----.' ... And then I was told not to change the jokes or improvise," he told the former "Daily Show" correspondent, now host of "The Colbert Report," according to Third Beat Magazine. 

Stewart told his agent, "get me the f--- out of this. These people are insane ... I had to be talked down from a moderately high cliff ... What I did not realize is, a lot of the people who worked there were a-------."

Two and a half years later, Stewart had the staff and the show he wanted.

The conversation between the two titans of late-night satire took place as part of a fundraiser for the Montclair Film Festival in New Jersey. The pair sat in curved brown comfy chairs in the Wellmont Theatre, simulating a fireside chat, and talked about their lives, their jobs and other stories to the delight of the sold-out crowd.

Further fertile territory for discussion involved show guests -- Stewart revealed that his least-favorite was Hugh Grant, who displayed divalike behavior during his appearance to promote "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" in 2009.

"He's giving everyone s--- the whole time, and he's a big pain in the a--," said Stewart, who added that Grant complained about the movie clip provided to the show by the film's publicist. He said Grant asked, "What is that clip? It's a terrible clip." Stewart replied, "Well, then make a better f------ movie."

He said he'd never let Grant back on the show.

Even more tricky territory came from Stewart's inclusion of Yusuf Islam (who changed his name from Cat Stevens) in the "Rally to Restore Sanity" in 2010. Stewart, Ozzy Osbourne, the O'Jays and Colbert joined Islam in a train-themed song parody (Islam/Stevens famously recorded "Peace Train"). But afterward, Stewart heard from author Salman Rushdie, who was disappointed to see Islam included, believing he had supported the 1989 fatwa leveled against Rushdie after the publication of "The Satanic Verses."

Stewart relayed that he got a call from Rushdie, and assured him he hadn't known of Islam's support of the fatwa. "So I'm like, I'm sure he doesn't believe that people should be put to death for apostasy," said Stewart, who promised to call Islam and get it smoothed over. 

His chat with Islam later didn't go as he'd hoped. "We get into a whole conversation, and it becomes very clear to me that he is straddling two worlds in a very difficult way," said Stewart. "It broke my heart a little bit. I wish I had known that. I wouldn't have done (the routine), I don't think ... Because that to me is a deal-breaker. Death for free speech is a deal breaker."

It wasn't all about Stewart and the ups and downs of working with "The Daily Show," but Colbert's recollections were largely less polarizing -- although he did surprise the audience and Stewart with the revelation that he used to sleepwalk -- and act out his dreams.

Colbert revealed that when he and his wife were still newlyweds, he dreamed ghosts were coming out an imaginary tracheotomy hole in her neck -- and he had to hold them in. She woke up to find him with his hands on her neck. 

When she asked what he was doing, Colbert replied, "I'm keeping the ghosts in."

Related content:

• Could Stephen Colbert end up in the Senate?

More in The Clicker:

• 'Downton Abbey' goes downtown in New York
• 'Amazing Race' finale ends with shocking win
• Senator urges MTV to pull plug on 'Buckwild'

Senator Stephen Colbert anyone? Don't laugh -- it could happen.

All right, so it's not all that likely that the host of "The Colbert Report" will be chosen by South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley to replace exiting Senator Jim DeMint. But almost immediately on the heels of DeMint's announcement that he was leaving Congress to work for conservative think tank The Hedge Foundation came fan speculation that South Carolina native -- and a man who has (or had) a healthy Super PAC -- Colbert might be tapped by Haley to finish out his term.

There's a Colbert for U.S. Senate web page (which notes it is not affiliated with the show or Colbert), and even a "Colbert for Senate" Twitter account now.

And on Thursday night, Colbert spoke on his show in support of the notion. He noted that Haley is a "friend of the show," and showed a brief clip of her appearance on "Report." 

"I know when I look at the U.S. Senate, I say to myself, 'You know what they could use? Another white guy,'" said Colbert, who fits that bill. He then exhorted his viewers to tweet Haley why he should be appointed to the senate, using the hashtag #StephenColbert.

Fans responded. "Can you imagine how much more enjoyable politics would be with #SenatorColbert in Washington?" asked Melanie Shoffner (@ProfShoff). "I would move to South Carolina if it would allow me to vote @StephenAtHome into office," wrote Rene LeClair (@rpleclair). And the potential appointee himself noted in a Tweet: "I wouldn't just block legislation, I'd body-check it!"

"Stephen is honored by the groundswell of support from the Palmetto State and looks forward to Gov. Haley's call," Colbert's publicist said in a statement. 

Related content:

• Stephen Colbert's wax figure unveiled at Madame Tussauds DC

More in Entertainment:

• Salmonella sidelines Martha Stewart at Thanksgiving
• Barbra Streisand declares: 'I'm not a diva'
• Roger Ebert fracturedf hip doing 'tricky disco dance moves'
• Stephen Baldwin charged with failure to file taxes

Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

“What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

“Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

“What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.

 “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

“Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

"I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

"Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

Related content:

• Stephen Colbert's Super PAC gets an unexpected nod from Mitt Romney
• Stewart, Colbert examine Christie's praise for President Obama
• Brad Pitt donates $100,000 to marriage equality efforts
• Meat Loaf screams, wails 'America the Beautiful' for Mitt Romney

Finally, Election Day is here and "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert reigns triumphant. Not because he's been elected to anything -- but because he and his Super PAC, “Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow,” got a (likely unintentional) hat tip in the final hours of campaigning.

Mitt Romney recently told voters, “We can begin a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“He used our slogan!” Colbert said. “I think that proves that Mitt is a candidate just as serious and sincere as I am.”

But while the onslaught of political ads are over, the pundits and their punditry will be with us always. And the pundits were right in the crosshairs on both "Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show," though how any of the hosts managed to decide which clips to use among the sheer volume of noise on television is a mystery.

“Obviously on Wednesday or, God forbid, Thursday or December or whenever this thing is figured out, we’ll know which pundits were wrong, which were wronger, and which were ‘Oh my God, that guy was really wrong!'” Jon Stewart said on "The Daily Show."

Regardless, there are unlikely to be any meaningful consequences for the losers. “Punditry is like musical chairs. The only difference is that when the music stops, nobody moves the chairs. They just keep adding more chairs,” Stewart said.

"Colbert Report" guest Nate Silver also weighed in. “I’m not very pro-pundit, I have to say. If pundits were on the ballot against Ebola, I might vote Ebola -- or third party.”

Perhaps that’s partially because of his tiff with Joe Scarborough, the MSNBC morning host who read Silver’s computer model predicting an overwhelming chance of an Obama victory and sniped, “Anybody who thinks this race is anything but a toss-up right now is such an ideologue that they should be kept away from typewriters because they’re jokes.”

“Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney’s tax plan doesn’t add up,” Colbert said.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel continued to quiz random people on the streets of Los Angeles -- to continued sad, hilarious effect.

His most recent sidewalk escapade involved sending a reporter for "Lie Witness News" to ask people whether they'd voted yet, even though no polls were open in California when they initiated the quiz. Pretty much everyone was planning to vote later that evening ... but a few happily admitted to the fact that yes, they had voted, and lines were long.

Even a man in an Elmo costume couldn't be trusted to tell the whole truth, so he got a special prize: A sticker on his furry chest reading, "I lied."

Still, there was one voter who couldn't lie about choosing the next U.S. president, mainly because a dog can't vote. "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon brought his dog Gary to the studio and offered her (yes, her) up two bowls of kibble -- in hopes he could lend some insight into who will win on Tuesday. So who did Gary pick? Check out the video to find out. The future of the nation could be at stake.

Related content:

• Stewart, Colbert examine Christie's praise for President Obama
• Brad Pitt donates $100,000 to marriage equality efforts
• Meat Loaf screams, wails 'America the Beautiful' for Mitt Romney
• President Barack Obama to his kids: 'Just act like you're listening to me'

CBS

Vice President Joe Biden.

Vice President Joe Biden stopped by "Late Show With David Letterman" Thursday night and extended his well wishes to the New York-based host and his East Coast viewers in the wake of Superstorm Sandy. Biden soon moved on to another serious subject, but he did so without the serious tone.

With the official Election Day just days away, Biden urged American's to consider voting early -- by delivering Letterman's "Top 10 Good Things About Early Voting" list.

Highlights of the veep's rundown included these gems:

10. "I'm not saying each early voter gets a free cheeseburger, but I'm not saying they don't, either."

6. "If you vote early, you don't have to pay taxes. ... I'm sorry. I'm being told that's not accurate."

5. "Single and looking to mingle? Find that special someone on the early voting line."

2. "Early voters will receive a $5 million donation from Donald Trump."

And topping the list? At No. 1, "Honestly Don't you want this election over with already?"

He's got a point.

Or voters can just follow Letterman's advice: "Vote whenever you want," he said. "It makes no damn difference."

Swing on over

Over on "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart may be living in a region devastated by a major storm, but he hasn’t lost his sense of perspective.

“I’m still so thankful to be in soggy, powerless New York, because in some places in this country it’s even worse,” he said on Thursday’s “Daily Show.” “Hurricane Sandy has devastated our region, but at least we don’t live in Swing State Hell!”

That would be Ohio, which both candidates seem to have selected as their line in the sand and have saturated with even more political advertising than the rest of us living in competitive states get.

“While the rest of us are free to pursue work, family and recreation, voters in Ohio have to reconcile themselves to being this year’s ‘my precious,’ Stewart said.

Among the ads is one from the Romney folks that claim Obama has actually been a bad steward of the auto industry, including -- gasp -- selling Chrysler to Italians!

“Sold Chrysler to Italians? What, we’re afraid of Italians now?’” Stewart said. He then quoted a mock attack ad line: “‘If Obama wins, next the Pope will be telling you what to drive.’”

Even the car companies have pushed back, which takes the commercial to a whole new level. “How out there is Mitt Romney? A car company -- that tries to convince you you need undercoating -- is coming after him for dishonesty,” Stewart said.

Stewart’s guest was Bob Woodruff, promoting his “Stand Up for Heroes” fundraiser, scheduled for Nov. 8. It’s an organization that helps soldiers adjust to civilian life once they get back home.

“It always strikes me, this idea that you need charities to help bring soldiers home from war,” Stewart said. “There is never any ‘Let’s raise money to bomb Iran!’ Somehow we’ve always got money for that.”

Woorduff noted that Stewart has helped out often in the past, and volunteered him to be an even bigger help this year.

“He is a big supporter, so he is going to buy you a generator to watch this if you don’t have power,” Woodruff said.

That’ll lead to record ratings on the East Coast, for sure.

The horror!

On the "Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert reported that the storm hit home for him. Because of the restrictions on driving into the city, Colbert said he had to commute to the city by … brace yourselves … the bus!

“A public bus … with the public in it! I felt like Viggo Mortensen in ‘The Road,’ he said.

Why was there still water in the subways, he wondered. “Throw a few ShamWows down there! We have the technology”

And good news for Mormons, as Colbert noted that evangelist Billy Graham deleted his website’s references to Mormonism being a cult after meeting with Romney. “With God, all things are deletable,” Colbert quipped

“The biggest reason Mormons are no longer a 'cult' is that now a Mormon might beat Obama," he added. "And that is great news for other (so-called) cults. All you have to do to be reclassified as a legitimate religion by Billy Graham is be a viable Republican candidate for president.” But the news wasn’t as good for everyone, based on that standard.

“Sorry Ron Paul fans -- you’re still a cult,” he said.

Related content:

• Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert examine Chris Christie's praise for President Obama
• Brad Pitt donates $100,000 to marriage equality efforts
• Meat Loaf screams, wails 'America the Beautiful' for Mitt Romney
• President Barack Obama to his kids: 'Just act like you're listening to me'

Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert.

After cancelling Monday and Tuesday’s shows because of Superstorm Sandy’s devastating effect on New York and New Jersey, both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert returned to the Comedy Central airwaves Wednesday night.

“You ever have one of those days where everything you ever loved as a child was under water?” Stewart said as he opened “The Daily Show.” That, sadly, is a problem that many on the East Coast are now familiar with.

Meanwhile,  on "Colbert Report," Colbert opened more seriously than usual, asking his viewers to visit redcross.org to donate what is most needed. “Spoiler Alert: It’s Money,” he said.

Christie takes center stage

New Jersey governor Chris Christie was a focal point of both shows, for both his handling of the crisis and his willingness to praise President Barack Obama for his assistance in bringing disaster relief to the area.

As an example, Stewart showed a clip from Fox News asking Christie if Mitt Romney might be coming to tour the damage with him; Christie’s expression of disdain was priceless.

“If you think right now that I give a damn about presidential politics, you don’t know me,” Christie said.

The response of Christie and Obama, along with New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, was inspiring to Stewart. “It’s amazing how once you remove political partisanship and gamesmanship, performance improves dramatically!”

Colbert showed similar footage, although he objected to the praise of the president. “Oh, come on! You’re praising Obama just because he declared New Jersey a disaster area?” Colbert said. “Johnny Carson did that for 30 years!”

And the footage of Obama and Christie touring the damage together? Well, that was too much for Colbert to take. “Barack Obama stole Mitt Romney’s date to Disaster Prom!”

It all fed into the post-storm narrative that saw some turn quickly from footage of the damage to questions about Mother Nature’s October Surprise’s potential effect on the voting.

 “Yes, all across the country people were frantically texting their loved ones: ’Your father and I are so worried, have you seen the latest tracking polls of undecided suburban women in Ohio?’” Colbert said.

Government comes through

You have to feel for Romney, whose proposal to reduce or eliminate the government’s role in disaster relief and leave it up to the states or the private sector seems like it would be a harder sell today than it did a few weeks ago.

“Who better to respond to what’s going on inside its own borders than a state whose entire infrastructure has just been swept out to sea?” Colbert noted.

As for the private sector … well, then you’re relying on folks like Donald Trump, with his offer of a $5 million check for charity if Obama releases his college and passport application info by Halloween. Though, as Colbert noted, “That heartwarming act of extortion got lost in the tragedy of the storm.” But fear not, the offer was extended another day.

“He’s doing the right thing and extending that $5M offer until noon on Thursday,” Colbert said. “You hear that Mr. President, you can breathe easy! Donald Trump has given you an extra 19 hours to deal with the largest Atlantic Hurricane on record affecting millions of Americans … and then photocopy your college record.”

As the waters recede

Jimmy Kimmel also got his "Live" program -- still temporarily based in Brooklyn -- going full speed again on Wednesday night, and he wasted no time getting to know the neighborhood. Kimmel paid a visit to Levels Barbershop in the borough to quiz the customers and barbers about a very important topic: Mitt Romney.  

"What do you think Mitt Romney could do to get more of the black vote?" asked Kimmel.  

"He can drop out of the race," noted one barber.  

Related content:

• Brad Pitt donates $100,000 to marriage equality efforts
• Meat Loaf screams, wails 'America the Beautiful' for Mitt Romney
• President Barack Obama to his kids: 'Just act like you're listening to me'

ABC

First Lady Michelle Obama reveals how the president encourages their kids to at least pretend to pay attention at big events.

Ask any teens about their parents' jobs and you're bound to get some shrugged shoulders and thoroughly disinterested looks. And it doesn't seem to matter what line of work you're in. Evidently even the position of commander-in-chief isn't enough to hold a typical teen's attention.

On Thursday night, First Lady Michelle Obama visited "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" and admitted that daughters Sasha and Malia sometime require a little pushing to make sure they at least fake interest in Dad's leader-of-the-free-world gig.

"They're great kids," she told Kimmel. "I mean, we are so blessed, and they have been so poised and gracious through these ups and downs that this life offers them."

But that doesn't mean they don't get bored.

"Well, they're still teenagers, so you know, they don't have a poker face," Obama added.

But every so often, when it's really important, the president does his best to keep them interested -- of at least keep them looking interested.

"The one thing he cares about is, 'Just look like you're listening to me.' That was his instruction before he gave his speech at the DNC," she recalled. "We’re backstage, and they’re playing around, and they’re laughing, and they’re giggling, and he said, ‘Just act like you’re listening to me!’”

Music to vote to

Over on “The Daily Show,” host Jon Stewart was interested in both presidential candidates and how they related to songs from current reality TV show judges. “Barack Obama is saying to the electorate ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time,’ while Mitt Romney is perhaps saying 'I’m a Genie in a Bottle, Baby,'" quipped Stewart.

If only the candidates actually did sing those songs at political stops rather than giving the same old stump speeches, the campaign coverage on the news would be a lot more fun to watch.

But instead, both Stewart and Stephen Colbert on "The Colbert Report" focused more on political arguments, with each having high-profile guest on their shows on Thursday.

Stewart interviewed House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. She had some good zingers, but wasn’t interested in a comedy routine with Stewart as much as she was focused on getting her message out.

Pelosi took Stewart’s point that the odds are against Democrats taking the House, but said “That’s what they say, but that’s why we have elections. It’s not determined by the pundits, but by the people.”

She also portrayed this election as a stark choice between political philosophies, particularly on issues like abortion and the future of social security and medicare. “It’s about shared values. It’s not about having a job, it’s about doing a job for the American people,” she said.

Colbert interviewed outgoing Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, a Republican who like Colbert himself has a book to promote: “Keeping the Republic: Saving America by Trusting Americans.”

“Do I have to trust all Americans? Because it’s my understanding that 47% of Americans are parasites,” Colbert asked.

Daniels tried to avoid taking the political bait, as the point of the book is that politicians need to trust people enough to let them make their own choices. “A lot of politicians on both sides think don’t think that American can handle the truth,” Daniels said, although he regrettably did not use that line to channel Jack Nicholson’s character in “A Few Good Men.”

Colbert also pointed out that many candidates write a book as a prelude to seeking higher office. That’s something Daniels decided not to do. But Colbert told him it wasn’t too late.

“There are still 12 days left. That’s longer than the entire Tim Pawlenty campaign,” he said.

More on Mourdock

Both Stewart and Colbert mined some additional comedy out of Indiana Senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock’s comments on rape and abortion.

Stewart pointed out that Romney still endorses the Republican candidate. “Not often do you hear someone say ‘I disagree on your views about rape and incest but … not a dealbreaker,’” he said.

Such an endorsement was not given by Daniels, the outgoing Republican governor of Indiana. He said that when he agreed to become President of Purdue University once his term ends in January 2013, he also agreed to become “a political noncombatant” and stay out of that line of punditry.

Related content:

• David Letterman takes Donald Trump to task over his Obama offer
• Tina Fey slams Senate candidate over 'legitimate rape' remarks
• Michelle Obama: Sasha and Malia don't care about the election
• First lady: Women will fight ‘tooth and nail’ to preserve rights
• Jon Stewart slams GOP senators for voting down bill to help vets
• President Obama zings Donald Trump on 'Tonight Show' visit

Comedy Central

You know it’s late in the election season when Jon Stewart doesn’t take advantage of Donald Trump’s October Non-Surprise to do a five-minute set on that "bombshell."

Instead, Stewart devoted himself to veterans’ issues on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” There was some comedy, naturally, as Stewart railed against the Republican lawmakers who blocked a bill to ease veterans’ reintegration into the civilian workforce because they were concerned about how to pay for that initiative. 

“Forty GOP senators thought it would be wrong to reintegrate veterans into the workforce … part of which was because of the money that they already spent on war to make them veterans in the first place,” Stewart said.

He addressed the serious issue of those with skills learned in combat rather than in the classroom, which results in qualified applicants falling short of job requirements or requiring redundant training to acquire the necessary certification. Stewart brought on field medics Meg Mitcham and Daniel Hutchison to illustrate how their record of saving battlefield casualties would leave them short of the posted skills needed to be a school nurse, for example.

Then again, as Stewart said, it may be their own fault. “What gave the veterans the idea that their military skills would be transferable in the real world in the first place?”

Anyone who has ever seen an Army recruitment commercial knows that answer.

Who knows whether Mitcham and Hutchison will get new jobs out of this, but Stewart didn’t let Hutchison walk away empty-handed once he heard about his hometown.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were from Ohio -- the only state that matters. Here’s a voter registration form,” Stewart said.

In contrast, Stephen Colbert stuck to the usual comic script on his “Colbert Report," focusing attention on Libya and the continuing questions about who knew what when, how did they know it, and why didn’t they do whatever the folks in opposition wanted them to do.

“Questions that Fox News has not been afraid to ask … 24 hours a day for the past six weeks,” Colbert noted.

Colbert is sympathetic towards the desire for more transparency, harking back to a more open time. “Frankly, don’t you miss the Bush Administration? When we knew how to be afraid thanks to a color-coded scale that changed based on threats they often wouldn’t explain.”

Question after question after question. It’s impossible to answer them all. But that’s not really the point.

“Ultimately the question is how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget President Obama killed Osama bin Laden,” he said.

Another who shouldn’t expect a lot of sympathy is Indiana senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock, the latest GOP hopeful to trip up while inexplicably trying to make a point about rape and abortion. If he winds up losing because of that, consider it divine will.

“Don’t shed a tear, folks, because I’ve come to realize that this is just something that God intended to happen,” Colbert said.

Related content:

• President Obama zings Donald Trump on 'Tonight Show' visit
• 'Daily Show's' Jon Stewart: After last debate, 'I think Romney’s leaning Obama'
• Stephen Colbert talks voter fraud: 'Republicans are just playing defense'
• President Obama offers parenting advice to Jay-Z

Comedy Central

Jon Stewart takes a closer look at the final presidential debate on "The Daily Show."

Admit it. We’re happy the presidential debates are done, right? Even late night talk show hosts seem ready for the page to turn on the news cycle already.

Tuesday marked two weeks to go until Election Day, and in one of the milestones denoting the end of the process, it was also the last round of debate recaps on the “Daily Show.” Host Jon Stewart was less ranty than he had been after the first two. Instead, he was fascinated by the amount of support Mitt Romney had for President Barack Obama’s foreign policy approach.

After months of the Republican candidates and his party’s blistering attacks on Obama’s decisions, there was a surprising amount of agreement on issues like drones, Afghanistan, and even Iran.

“I think Romney’s leaning Obama,” Stewart said after showing a round of clips where Romney praised the current administration’s policies. “Apparently Romney’s one of those coveted swing voters.”

Among the issues of agreement: Romney’s desire to dissuade Iran from having a nuclear weapon through peaceful and democratic means. “Get a haircut, hippie,” Stewart said.

What Romney is offering that he claims is lacking in the current administration is leadership. But with the similarities between the two’s policies, it’s hard for Stewart to see how that would happen.

“Follow me!” Stewart said, in a possible Romney leadership speech. “I’ll be right behind the president!”

Stephen Colbert watched the debate as well, and noticed the fixation that everyone had with Israel.

“I was playing a drinking game last night where I took a shot of Manischevitz every time someone said Israel, and by the end of the debate I was totally … diabetic,” Colbert said. Which, given the sweet character of the wine, would not be a surprise.

More than Stewart, Colbert noticed some differences between the candidates. For example, Romney criticized Obama for his Iran policies by noting that Iran is now four years closer to developing a nuclear bomb. Of course, given that time only moves in one direction, so is everyone else -- including Colbert himself.

“Admittedly, I’m still far away – at the Mentos and diet coke stage,” Colbert said. “But still.”

With the election tightening and a tie now a possibility, Colbert’s also looking forward to the return of his old friend. “As we know from history, the rules clearly dictate that in the event of a tie, our next president will be George W. Bush,” he said.

If the Democrats were looking for a Get Out the Vote strategy, that would do it.

But over on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon," the pre-Election Day tension eased. 

The candidates (or at least reasonable facsimiles) put the debates and disagreements behind them in favor of a "hang session."

Related content:

• Stephen Colbert talks voter fraud: 'Republicans are just playing defense'
• President Obama offers parenting advice to Jay-Z
• Jon Stewart dubs Romney's binder a 'Notebook of Nipples'
• Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit gets lampooned on late-night TV