The third-season premiere of "Game of Thrones" is just five sleeps away, but Peter Dinklage, who plays Tyrion on HBO's epic fantasy series, dropped a major spoiler on "The Daily Show" Monday.

After Jon Stewart jokingly predicted, "not to give anything away, but your family does win and you become king," the Emmy winner teased: "We get a drive-through at Westeros!"

(Chick-fil-A or In-N-Out Burger? Guess we'll have to tune in to find out!)

Just like his sardonic character, Dinklage is a master of deadpan.

When his host asked where they filmed the visually stunning series, he quipped, "Jersey. Occasionally we'll go to a land called Connecticut."

Actually, he admitted most of his scenes take place in Northern Ireland, where, unlike America's obsessed fans -- about whom Dinklage coined the term "nerd glaze" -- the residents "don't care" about the film shoots.

To keep things legit, Dinklage cracked, "We are called to set by a raven. Ca-caw!"

How excited are you to see the return of Tyrion Lannister on Sunday night? Tell us on our Facebook page!

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Comedy Central

Next week's papal conclave will mark the beginning of the official process to elect a new pope, but according to "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart, there's no need to go through all those cardinal candidates.

Once Steward learned that any Catholic male could qualify for the position, he suggested his pick to replace Pope Benedict XVI.

"I already know a male catholic who's got an inside track on infallibility," he said while looking thoughtfully at a graphic of his Fox News foe Bill O'Reilly.

According to the host, there was just one hitch in his "popeful" plan. The job would mark a major move for "The O'Reilly Factor" host.

"Would O'Reilly accept a demotion?"

Zing!

Of course, Stewart knows his personal favorite doesn't stand a chance in what he calls "the race for the next pontiff." So he took a closer look at someone who's widely regarded as a much more likely candidate, Argentine Cardinal Leonardo Sandri

"Leonardo Sandri says he's infallible," a mock, smear ad began. "But just last week, he picked Bradley Cooper in his Oscar pool."

So who gets the top spot? Only time -- and the conclave -- will tell!

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Montclair Film Fest

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

When Jon Stewart took over "The Daily Show" from Craig Kilborn in 1999, he was not immediately made welcome and even considered quitting the show, he revealed in an interview with Stephen Colbert Friday night.

"I walk in the door, into a room with the writers and producers, and the first thing they say is, 'This isn't some MTV bull----.' ... And then I was told not to change the jokes or improvise," he told the former "Daily Show" correspondent, now host of "The Colbert Report," according to Third Beat Magazine. 

Stewart told his agent, "get me the f--- out of this. These people are insane ... I had to be talked down from a moderately high cliff ... What I did not realize is, a lot of the people who worked there were a-------."

Two and a half years later, Stewart had the staff and the show he wanted.

The conversation between the two titans of late-night satire took place as part of a fundraiser for the Montclair Film Festival in New Jersey. The pair sat in curved brown comfy chairs in the Wellmont Theatre, simulating a fireside chat, and talked about their lives, their jobs and other stories to the delight of the sold-out crowd.

Further fertile territory for discussion involved show guests -- Stewart revealed that his least-favorite was Hugh Grant, who displayed divalike behavior during his appearance to promote "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" in 2009.

"He's giving everyone s--- the whole time, and he's a big pain in the a--," said Stewart, who added that Grant complained about the movie clip provided to the show by the film's publicist. He said Grant asked, "What is that clip? It's a terrible clip." Stewart replied, "Well, then make a better f------ movie."

He said he'd never let Grant back on the show.

Even more tricky territory came from Stewart's inclusion of Yusuf Islam (who changed his name from Cat Stevens) in the "Rally to Restore Sanity" in 2010. Stewart, Ozzy Osbourne, the O'Jays and Colbert joined Islam in a train-themed song parody (Islam/Stevens famously recorded "Peace Train"). But afterward, Stewart heard from author Salman Rushdie, who was disappointed to see Islam included, believing he had supported the 1989 fatwa leveled against Rushdie after the publication of "The Satanic Verses."

Stewart relayed that he got a call from Rushdie, and assured him he hadn't known of Islam's support of the fatwa. "So I'm like, I'm sure he doesn't believe that people should be put to death for apostasy," said Stewart, who promised to call Islam and get it smoothed over. 

His chat with Islam later didn't go as he'd hoped. "We get into a whole conversation, and it becomes very clear to me that he is straddling two worlds in a very difficult way," said Stewart. "It broke my heart a little bit. I wish I had known that. I wouldn't have done (the routine), I don't think ... Because that to me is a deal-breaker. Death for free speech is a deal breaker."

It wasn't all about Stewart and the ups and downs of working with "The Daily Show," but Colbert's recollections were largely less polarizing -- although he did surprise the audience and Stewart with the revelation that he used to sleepwalk -- and act out his dreams.

Colbert revealed that when he and his wife were still newlyweds, he dreamed ghosts were coming out an imaginary tracheotomy hole in her neck -- and he had to hold them in. She woke up to find him with his hands on her neck. 

When she asked what he was doing, Colbert replied, "I'm keeping the ghosts in."

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Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

“What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

“Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

“What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.

 “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

“Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

"I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

"Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

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Finally, Election Day is here and "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert reigns triumphant. Not because he's been elected to anything -- but because he and his Super PAC, “Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow,” got a (likely unintentional) hat tip in the final hours of campaigning.

Mitt Romney recently told voters, “We can begin a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“He used our slogan!” Colbert said. “I think that proves that Mitt is a candidate just as serious and sincere as I am.”

But while the onslaught of political ads are over, the pundits and their punditry will be with us always. And the pundits were right in the crosshairs on both "Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show," though how any of the hosts managed to decide which clips to use among the sheer volume of noise on television is a mystery.

“Obviously on Wednesday or, God forbid, Thursday or December or whenever this thing is figured out, we’ll know which pundits were wrong, which were wronger, and which were ‘Oh my God, that guy was really wrong!'” Jon Stewart said on "The Daily Show."

Regardless, there are unlikely to be any meaningful consequences for the losers. “Punditry is like musical chairs. The only difference is that when the music stops, nobody moves the chairs. They just keep adding more chairs,” Stewart said.

"Colbert Report" guest Nate Silver also weighed in. “I’m not very pro-pundit, I have to say. If pundits were on the ballot against Ebola, I might vote Ebola -- or third party.”

Perhaps that’s partially because of his tiff with Joe Scarborough, the MSNBC morning host who read Silver’s computer model predicting an overwhelming chance of an Obama victory and sniped, “Anybody who thinks this race is anything but a toss-up right now is such an ideologue that they should be kept away from typewriters because they’re jokes.”

“Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney’s tax plan doesn’t add up,” Colbert said.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel continued to quiz random people on the streets of Los Angeles -- to continued sad, hilarious effect.

His most recent sidewalk escapade involved sending a reporter for "Lie Witness News" to ask people whether they'd voted yet, even though no polls were open in California when they initiated the quiz. Pretty much everyone was planning to vote later that evening ... but a few happily admitted to the fact that yes, they had voted, and lines were long.

Even a man in an Elmo costume couldn't be trusted to tell the whole truth, so he got a special prize: A sticker on his furry chest reading, "I lied."

Still, there was one voter who couldn't lie about choosing the next U.S. president, mainly because a dog can't vote. "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon brought his dog Gary to the studio and offered her (yes, her) up two bowls of kibble -- in hopes he could lend some insight into who will win on Tuesday. So who did Gary pick? Check out the video to find out. The future of the nation could be at stake.

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CBS

Vice President Joe Biden.

Vice President Joe Biden stopped by "Late Show With David Letterman" Thursday night and extended his well wishes to the New York-based host and his East Coast viewers in the wake of Superstorm Sandy. Biden soon moved on to another serious subject, but he did so without the serious tone.

With the official Election Day just days away, Biden urged American's to consider voting early -- by delivering Letterman's "Top 10 Good Things About Early Voting" list.

Highlights of the veep's rundown included these gems:

10. "I'm not saying each early voter gets a free cheeseburger, but I'm not saying they don't, either."

6. "If you vote early, you don't have to pay taxes. ... I'm sorry. I'm being told that's not accurate."

5. "Single and looking to mingle? Find that special someone on the early voting line."

2. "Early voters will receive a $5 million donation from Donald Trump."

And topping the list? At No. 1, "Honestly Don't you want this election over with already?"

He's got a point.

Or voters can just follow Letterman's advice: "Vote whenever you want," he said. "It makes no damn difference."

Swing on over

Over on "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart may be living in a region devastated by a major storm, but he hasn’t lost his sense of perspective.

“I’m still so thankful to be in soggy, powerless New York, because in some places in this country it’s even worse,” he said on Thursday’s “Daily Show.” “Hurricane Sandy has devastated our region, but at least we don’t live in Swing State Hell!”

That would be Ohio, which both candidates seem to have selected as their line in the sand and have saturated with even more political advertising than the rest of us living in competitive states get.

“While the rest of us are free to pursue work, family and recreation, voters in Ohio have to reconcile themselves to being this year’s ‘my precious,’ Stewart said.

Among the ads is one from the Romney folks that claim Obama has actually been a bad steward of the auto industry, including -- gasp -- selling Chrysler to Italians!

“Sold Chrysler to Italians? What, we’re afraid of Italians now?’” Stewart said. He then quoted a mock attack ad line: “‘If Obama wins, next the Pope will be telling you what to drive.’”

Even the car companies have pushed back, which takes the commercial to a whole new level. “How out there is Mitt Romney? A car company -- that tries to convince you you need undercoating -- is coming after him for dishonesty,” Stewart said.

Stewart’s guest was Bob Woodruff, promoting his “Stand Up for Heroes” fundraiser, scheduled for Nov. 8. It’s an organization that helps soldiers adjust to civilian life once they get back home.

“It always strikes me, this idea that you need charities to help bring soldiers home from war,” Stewart said. “There is never any ‘Let’s raise money to bomb Iran!’ Somehow we’ve always got money for that.”

Woorduff noted that Stewart has helped out often in the past, and volunteered him to be an even bigger help this year.

“He is a big supporter, so he is going to buy you a generator to watch this if you don’t have power,” Woodruff said.

That’ll lead to record ratings on the East Coast, for sure.

The horror!

On the "Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert reported that the storm hit home for him. Because of the restrictions on driving into the city, Colbert said he had to commute to the city by … brace yourselves … the bus!

“A public bus … with the public in it! I felt like Viggo Mortensen in ‘The Road,’ he said.

Why was there still water in the subways, he wondered. “Throw a few ShamWows down there! We have the technology”

And good news for Mormons, as Colbert noted that evangelist Billy Graham deleted his website’s references to Mormonism being a cult after meeting with Romney. “With God, all things are deletable,” Colbert quipped

“The biggest reason Mormons are no longer a 'cult' is that now a Mormon might beat Obama," he added. "And that is great news for other (so-called) cults. All you have to do to be reclassified as a legitimate religion by Billy Graham is be a viable Republican candidate for president.” But the news wasn’t as good for everyone, based on that standard.

“Sorry Ron Paul fans -- you’re still a cult,” he said.

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ABC

First Lady Michelle Obama reveals how the president encourages their kids to at least pretend to pay attention at big events.

Ask any teens about their parents' jobs and you're bound to get some shrugged shoulders and thoroughly disinterested looks. And it doesn't seem to matter what line of work you're in. Evidently even the position of commander-in-chief isn't enough to hold a typical teen's attention.

On Thursday night, First Lady Michelle Obama visited "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" and admitted that daughters Sasha and Malia sometime require a little pushing to make sure they at least fake interest in Dad's leader-of-the-free-world gig.

"They're great kids," she told Kimmel. "I mean, we are so blessed, and they have been so poised and gracious through these ups and downs that this life offers them."

But that doesn't mean they don't get bored.

"Well, they're still teenagers, so you know, they don't have a poker face," Obama added.

But every so often, when it's really important, the president does his best to keep them interested -- of at least keep them looking interested.

"The one thing he cares about is, 'Just look like you're listening to me.' That was his instruction before he gave his speech at the DNC," she recalled. "We’re backstage, and they’re playing around, and they’re laughing, and they’re giggling, and he said, ‘Just act like you’re listening to me!’”

Music to vote to

Over on “The Daily Show,” host Jon Stewart was interested in both presidential candidates and how they related to songs from current reality TV show judges. “Barack Obama is saying to the electorate ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time,’ while Mitt Romney is perhaps saying 'I’m a Genie in a Bottle, Baby,'" quipped Stewart.

If only the candidates actually did sing those songs at political stops rather than giving the same old stump speeches, the campaign coverage on the news would be a lot more fun to watch.

But instead, both Stewart and Stephen Colbert on "The Colbert Report" focused more on political arguments, with each having high-profile guest on their shows on Thursday.

Stewart interviewed House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. She had some good zingers, but wasn’t interested in a comedy routine with Stewart as much as she was focused on getting her message out.

Pelosi took Stewart’s point that the odds are against Democrats taking the House, but said “That’s what they say, but that’s why we have elections. It’s not determined by the pundits, but by the people.”

She also portrayed this election as a stark choice between political philosophies, particularly on issues like abortion and the future of social security and medicare. “It’s about shared values. It’s not about having a job, it’s about doing a job for the American people,” she said.

Colbert interviewed outgoing Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, a Republican who like Colbert himself has a book to promote: “Keeping the Republic: Saving America by Trusting Americans.”

“Do I have to trust all Americans? Because it’s my understanding that 47% of Americans are parasites,” Colbert asked.

Daniels tried to avoid taking the political bait, as the point of the book is that politicians need to trust people enough to let them make their own choices. “A lot of politicians on both sides think don’t think that American can handle the truth,” Daniels said, although he regrettably did not use that line to channel Jack Nicholson’s character in “A Few Good Men.”

Colbert also pointed out that many candidates write a book as a prelude to seeking higher office. That’s something Daniels decided not to do. But Colbert told him it wasn’t too late.

“There are still 12 days left. That’s longer than the entire Tim Pawlenty campaign,” he said.

More on Mourdock

Both Stewart and Colbert mined some additional comedy out of Indiana Senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock’s comments on rape and abortion.

Stewart pointed out that Romney still endorses the Republican candidate. “Not often do you hear someone say ‘I disagree on your views about rape and incest but … not a dealbreaker,’” he said.

Such an endorsement was not given by Daniels, the outgoing Republican governor of Indiana. He said that when he agreed to become President of Purdue University once his term ends in January 2013, he also agreed to become “a political noncombatant” and stay out of that line of punditry.

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Comedy Central

You know it’s late in the election season when Jon Stewart doesn’t take advantage of Donald Trump’s October Non-Surprise to do a five-minute set on that "bombshell."

Instead, Stewart devoted himself to veterans’ issues on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” There was some comedy, naturally, as Stewart railed against the Republican lawmakers who blocked a bill to ease veterans’ reintegration into the civilian workforce because they were concerned about how to pay for that initiative. 

“Forty GOP senators thought it would be wrong to reintegrate veterans into the workforce … part of which was because of the money that they already spent on war to make them veterans in the first place,” Stewart said.

He addressed the serious issue of those with skills learned in combat rather than in the classroom, which results in qualified applicants falling short of job requirements or requiring redundant training to acquire the necessary certification. Stewart brought on field medics Meg Mitcham and Daniel Hutchison to illustrate how their record of saving battlefield casualties would leave them short of the posted skills needed to be a school nurse, for example.

Then again, as Stewart said, it may be their own fault. “What gave the veterans the idea that their military skills would be transferable in the real world in the first place?”

Anyone who has ever seen an Army recruitment commercial knows that answer.

Who knows whether Mitcham and Hutchison will get new jobs out of this, but Stewart didn’t let Hutchison walk away empty-handed once he heard about his hometown.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were from Ohio -- the only state that matters. Here’s a voter registration form,” Stewart said.

In contrast, Stephen Colbert stuck to the usual comic script on his “Colbert Report," focusing attention on Libya and the continuing questions about who knew what when, how did they know it, and why didn’t they do whatever the folks in opposition wanted them to do.

“Questions that Fox News has not been afraid to ask … 24 hours a day for the past six weeks,” Colbert noted.

Colbert is sympathetic towards the desire for more transparency, harking back to a more open time. “Frankly, don’t you miss the Bush Administration? When we knew how to be afraid thanks to a color-coded scale that changed based on threats they often wouldn’t explain.”

Question after question after question. It’s impossible to answer them all. But that’s not really the point.

“Ultimately the question is how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget President Obama killed Osama bin Laden,” he said.

Another who shouldn’t expect a lot of sympathy is Indiana senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock, the latest GOP hopeful to trip up while inexplicably trying to make a point about rape and abortion. If he winds up losing because of that, consider it divine will.

“Don’t shed a tear, folks, because I’ve come to realize that this is just something that God intended to happen,” Colbert said.

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Comedy Central

Jon Stewart takes a closer look at the final presidential debate on "The Daily Show."

Admit it. We’re happy the presidential debates are done, right? Even late night talk show hosts seem ready for the page to turn on the news cycle already.

Tuesday marked two weeks to go until Election Day, and in one of the milestones denoting the end of the process, it was also the last round of debate recaps on the “Daily Show.” Host Jon Stewart was less ranty than he had been after the first two. Instead, he was fascinated by the amount of support Mitt Romney had for President Barack Obama’s foreign policy approach.

After months of the Republican candidates and his party’s blistering attacks on Obama’s decisions, there was a surprising amount of agreement on issues like drones, Afghanistan, and even Iran.

“I think Romney’s leaning Obama,” Stewart said after showing a round of clips where Romney praised the current administration’s policies. “Apparently Romney’s one of those coveted swing voters.”

Among the issues of agreement: Romney’s desire to dissuade Iran from having a nuclear weapon through peaceful and democratic means. “Get a haircut, hippie,” Stewart said.

What Romney is offering that he claims is lacking in the current administration is leadership. But with the similarities between the two’s policies, it’s hard for Stewart to see how that would happen.

“Follow me!” Stewart said, in a possible Romney leadership speech. “I’ll be right behind the president!”

Stephen Colbert watched the debate as well, and noticed the fixation that everyone had with Israel.

“I was playing a drinking game last night where I took a shot of Manischevitz every time someone said Israel, and by the end of the debate I was totally … diabetic,” Colbert said. Which, given the sweet character of the wine, would not be a surprise.

More than Stewart, Colbert noticed some differences between the candidates. For example, Romney criticized Obama for his Iran policies by noting that Iran is now four years closer to developing a nuclear bomb. Of course, given that time only moves in one direction, so is everyone else -- including Colbert himself.

“Admittedly, I’m still far away – at the Mentos and diet coke stage,” Colbert said. “But still.”

With the election tightening and a tie now a possibility, Colbert’s also looking forward to the return of his old friend. “As we know from history, the rules clearly dictate that in the event of a tie, our next president will be George W. Bush,” he said.

If the Democrats were looking for a Get Out the Vote strategy, that would do it.

But over on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon," the pre-Election Day tension eased. 

The candidates (or at least reasonable facsimiles) put the debates and disagreements behind them in favor of a "hang session."

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Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert.

With the election just a couple of weeks away, Stephen Colbert turned his attention to the potential of voter fraud. Sure, as he acknowledged, in-person voter fraud is extremely rare. But he remains worried nonetheless.

“I say we can’t be too careful here folks. Anyone voting who I don’t personally know ... kind of suspicious,” Colbert said.

That may be what prompted a Virginia man, hired by the state’s Republican Party, to allegedly trash eight voter registration forms. Predictably, this worried Colbert as well. “You destroyed voter registration forms, but only eight? What’s the matter? Was the paper stock too heavy?”

“It’s all part of the game,” he continued. “The Democrats try to register voters and bus them to polling stations and the Republicans are just playing defense. Because that’s what wins championships!”

Job destruction

Colbert also had some fun with the CEOs who are going to greater lengths to win votes for Mitt Romney, warning their employees that another four years of Obama likely mean more taxes that would force them to cut jobs. So, no pressure, people. Just vote the right way or get canned!

“If these CEOs or their companies have their taxes raised, you employees would lose your jobs,” Colbert said. “Which would be terrible because then you couldn’t work at that great place where your boss threatens you.”

It all feeds into the narrative from President Obama, that four years of a Romney Administration would allow cater to the rich and leave everyone else to suffer.

“Come on Mr. President. Everyone plays by the same set of rules,” Colbert says. “And at the end of the game the rich flip over the board and say ‘I win!’”

Barack-tose Intolerance

On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart reviewed how he became part of the news cycle on Thursday night, thanks to Obama’s calling the Benghazi attack “not optimal” while a guest on his show.  Stewart noted that some of the reaction came before the show even aired, like the response by Senator John McCain (who, as Stewart noted, is no stranger to committing to something without the proper vetting. Exhibit A: Sarah Palin).

To Stewart, that’s just an example of the “Barack-tose intolerance” from the right in general, and Fox News in particular, even though their fears of four years ago have not been realized.

“The economy is not yet socialized, Islamists burn effigies of Obama, the stock market doubled, Limbaugh and Hannity blathered on, gun rights actually expanded … and cars remain legal,” he said.

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Comedy Central

President Barack Obama and Jon Stewart.

After weeks of listening to Jon Stewart cheer, cajole, criticize, and generally fuss over the state of his campaign, President Barack Obama showed up to “The Daily Show” on Thursday and got the chance to speak for himself in person rather than through cable news soundbites.

The president and Stewart talked about issues domestic and foreign, with jokes mixed into the generally serious conversation. But Stewart started by asking what he’s asked on the air since the day it happened ... what went wrong for Obama during that first debate?

“Sometimes I’ll go onstage and have an open-faced turkey sandwich and a shot of NyQuil, and halfway through I’ll look up and say 'Are we on?'" Stewart said, offering his own excuse for the occasional sub-par night.

But Obama wasn’t blaming his diet or big pharma.

“Obviously I had an off night. The presentation wasn’t what it needed to be,” he said. “But the issues haven’t changed -- the stakes of this election are really big. Governor Romney makes a good presentation, but the fundamentals of what he’s calling for are the same policies that got us into this mess, that we've been fighting against for the past four years, trying to dig our way out of.”

Obama stressed the accomplishments of his first term, such as ending the war in Iraq, health care reform, bailing out the auto industry, and aggressively fighting al-Qaeda. He placed some of the blame on the Republicans for not being able to do more.

“We could be growing even faster than we have if Governor Romney’s allies in Congress would move on some of the things we’ve recommended.”

“We ended the war in Iraq. We’re ending the war in Afghanistan. We’ve gone after al-Qaeda and its leadership. It’s true that al-Qaeda is still active, at least sort of remnants of it are staging in other parts of North Africa and the Middle East. Sometimes you’ve got to make some tough calls, but you can do so in a way that’s consistent with international law and with American law,” Obama said.

Stewart also asked about the recent attack in Libya that killed the American ambassador, and Romney’s assertion that the White House came back with a confusing response.

“We weren’t confused about the fact that four Americans had been killed. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we needed to ramp up diplomatic security around the world right after it happened. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we had to investigate exactly what happened so it gets fixed. And I wasn’t confused about the fact that we’re going to hunt down whoever did it and bring them to justice,” Obama said.

“What I have always tried to do is make sure we get all the facts, figure out what went wrong, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. We’re still in that process now. Every piece of information that we get, as we got it we laid it out to the American people. The picture eventually gets fully filled in and we know exactly what happened, and then we know how to make sure we prevent it in the future,” he added.

Not surprisingly, the President treated the interview like a stump speech, and he closed with a plea for people to go to the polls.

"Here’s what I’ll say to everybody who’s watching -- the stakes on this could not be bigger. War, peace, the Supreme Court, a woman’s right to choose, whether we’re creating jobs in this country or whether they’re getting shipped overseas, whether our kids are getting the best education they can. All that stuff is at stake. There is no excuse not to vote.

Of course, there was some humor mixed in with the political discourse.

Stewart expressed concerns about the president’s plan to ask the rich to pay more taxes to help lower the deficit.

“Wait, this is the first I’m hearing about this. What is this about billionaires? What are you doing to us?” Stewart said. Clearly, being the host of “The Daily Show” pays well.

For his final question, Stewart noted that the interview had taken somewhere around 14 minutes. How many e-mails, Stewart asked, had the Obama campaign sent him during that time?

“It depends on whether you’ve maxed out,” Obama said.

Come on, Jon! If you’re a billionaire, what are a few thousand bucks among friends?

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Jon Stewart wasted no time leaping on Tuesday night's Presidential Debates on "Daily Show" Wednesday -- and he picked two of the most obvious soundbites from the debates to skewer: First, Mitt Romney's infamous comment about getting “binders full of women” qualified for jobs when he was governor of Massachusetts. Stewart played the clip, arranged the papers on his desk, paused, and smiled.

“Couple of things: One the women’s group was called MassGAP and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as a binder full of women, but perhaps as an organized collection of qualified resumes,” Stewart said. “But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”

He had more fun with the Libya discussion, which centered on determining the exact day President Obama first referred to it as an act of terror. Watching Romney walk into a trap of his own devising was almost too good for Stewart to talk about, particularly given that Obama urged him to "please, proceed."

“There’s your first clue -- when you feel you’re about you’re about to spring what you think is the checkmate moment of the debate and your debate opponent says to you, ‘Please proceed. Hold on, are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider,’” Stewart said. “When your opponent does that, you may want to wonder a la Wile E Coyote and Road Runner, (whether) that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock.”

From Stewart’s perspective, that’s exactly what it was. It should make Thursday’s interview with President Obama less awkward than it would have been a week ago, when Stewart was still focused on his less-robust performance in the first debate. Odds are good, however, that this will still come up in that conversation.

Stephen Colbert also had some thoughts, although he first told his viewers: “If you’re an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it’s 2-0.”

Like Stewart, he considered the Libya comment a turning point -- but wasn’t as happy with the outcome. “No, no ... it’s supposed to change everything the other way!” he said.  “That should have been Mitt’s moment of chest-thumping dominance over the carcass of his opponent, and it would have been too had it not been for that meddling moderator.”

In that latter comment, he echoed the Fox News spin, which also decried Candy Crowley’s purported fact-checking, which they argued should have taken place only after the event.

“Yes, the time for fact-checking is after the event, when voters have stopped watching,” Colbert said.

He was also sympathetic towards the Fox criticism of the “random” questions. “Why are we talking about Lady Issues in the Town Hall? Save it for the Sadie Hawkins debate when the girls are supposed to do the asking.”

And don’t get him started on assault weapons, or Romney’s spin that two-parent households could help solve the problem.

“The answer to gun violence isn’t getting rid of assault weapon, its two-parent households,” Colbert said. “Because when a psychopath marches into the mall in Kevlar body armor, slowly lifting the laser site of his Ak-47 towards the Sunglass Hut, the only thing that will stop him from carnage is when he asks himself what would mom and dad think?”

And having learned that people on the street will opine on anything if a microphone is in front of them, "Jimmy Kimmel Live" again sent roving reporters out to talk to people not just about a debate that hadn't happened yet (as they did last night, before the second presidential debates even started) -- but on one that would never exist: A First Ladies debate between Ann Romney and Michelle Obama. Naturally, everyone they spoke to was well-informed and happy to talk about who did the best in that particular debate. 

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