• Jimmy Fallon's 'Tonight Show' transition dominates late night monologues

    By Randee Dawn, TODAY contributor

    Wednesday's announcement that Jay Leno would be stepping down from "The Tonight Show" hosting duties on NBC to make room for "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon in Spring 2014 clearly had the staffs of every late night show scrambling to rewrite their opening monologues -- because everyone had something to say!

    First, there was the back-patting; this transition is being done with an air of friendliness that did not necessarily characterize the one that brought Conan O'Brien into "Tonight's" seat for a few months in 2009.

    "He is a hell of a guy!" said Leno last night to his audience about Fallon. "He's going to do a great job. I just have one request for Jimmy: We've all fought, kicked and scratched to get this network up to fifth place. Now we have to keep it there! Jimmy, don't let it slip into sixth! We are counting on you."

    Over at "Late Night," Fallon acknowledged that his shift was the big news of the day: "Hello! Welcome!" he began. "This is 'Late Night With Jimmy Fallon' -- for now," he said. "You guys probably heard the news -- I’m going to be taking over 'The Tonight Show' next February! But don't worry. Until February, our focus is right here on whatever this show is called."

    Added Fallon, "I want to thank everyone here at 'Late Night,' the staff, the crew and, of course, The Roots. I have to say thanks to Jay Leno for being so gracious. It means so much to me to have his support. I just want to thank the fans for staying up to 12:35 a.m. and watching us." 

    Over on the other networks, former "Late Night" host David Letterman played up the story for laughs on CBS' "Late Show." Letterman was notoriously angered not to have been offered the "Tonight" show gig himself in 1992 when Leno was tapped, and that feud hasn't faded over the last 22 years. 

    "I got a call from my mom today," said Letterman, who also devoted his Top 10 list to Leno. "She says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get 'The Tonight Show' again."

    Leno wasn't about to let it go unsaid, either, quipping, "Folks, I got to be honest with you, I had a really awkward day today," he said in the opening. "I had to call David Letterman and tell him he didn't get 'The Tonight Show' again. Awful! Terrible!"

    The Hollywood Reporter noted that Letterman also referenced the O'Brien issue, questioning not Fallon but the choice to make another switch: "Didn’t we just go through this?" he said. "Jay Leno now is being replaced, and this is the second time this has happened. I mean, it’s crazy. He’s being replaced by a younger late-night talk show host -- what could possibly go wrong? Honestly. They had pretty good luck with this in the past."

    Speaking of O'Brien, he also addressed the topic around the 30-minute mark of his TBS show "Conan." "I want to congratulate Jimmy. That is a really fun gig." His audience laughed, and he followed up: "You laugh, he said, but it really is. Jimmy is the perfect guy to do it. ... He's going to do a fantastic job. So congratulations, Jimmy."

    The one broadcast late night host who doesn't have any dog in this race, Jimmy Kimmel, also had something to say. 

    "It is a big one for the world of late-night television," said Kimmel in his "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" monologue on ABC, according to The Hollywood Reporter. "As you probably heard -- it was announced officially today -- that, starting in February of next year -- after the Olympics -- I will take over as new host of 'The Tonight Show.' I spoke to Jay on the phone today." A member of his staff interrupted. "Excuse me for one moment. ... OK. Um, apparently it was a different Jimmy."

    He read one of the headlines about the changeup on his cell phone and added, "Turns out I will not be hosting 'The Tonight Show.' Does anyone know what the return policy is on yachts?"

    In the end, though, it was largely friendly banter and Fallon's ascension to the throne (which will move, along with the show, to New York City), seems to have gone over well. But Leno had one last warning: "NBC says in five years, they plan to replace Jimmy with Justin Bieber," he said. "They are moving too quickly!"

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  • David Letterman devotes Top 10 list to Jay Leno

    By Anna Chan, TODAY

    Updated, April 4, 8:30 a.m. ET: Late-night hosts David Letterman and Jay Leno may have been ratings rivals for many, many years, but on Wednesday, the "Late Show" host paid tribute to his competitor. Earlier in the day, NBC had announced that Jimmy Fallon would be taking over hosting duties for "The Tonight Show" next year, marking the second time that Leno would be stepping down from the late-night program.

    During Wednesday's taping of "Late Show," Letterman showed some sympathy for Leno and also honored him by devoting the Top 10 list to the comedian. 

    A transcript of Wednesday's show released by the network also reveals that Letterman used some of his desk time to share a few words about his fellow late-night host.


    "I've known him 38 years," he said. "I've known Jay Leno for 38 years, thank you. I don’t know what aspect of that you’re applauding, but thank you. ... So now he’s out again, but going out on top. So congratulations to Jay, a job well done. ... But good luck to Jay.  I know he’ll be out on the road, getting it done and taking care of business and congratulations on a nice long run there at the ‘Tonight Show,’ if in fact you’re not coming back.”

    Earlier, during his monologue, Letterman also poked fun at the fact that he once again was not offered the hosting gig at "The Tonight Show": "I got a call from my mom today. She says, ‘Well, David, I see you didn’t get the ‘Tonight Show’ again,’” he joked in reference to losing out on the job to Jay Leno when Johnny Carson retired in 1992.

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  • Jay Leno's 4 landmark segments on 'Tonight Show'

    By Susan Young, TODAY contributor

    Paul Drinkwater / NBC

    "The Tonight Show" became the first late-night show to host a sitting president in 2009 when Barack Obama was Jay Leno's guest.

    There's something to be said about leaving while you're at the top of your game.

    As "The Tonight Show" host Jay Leno prepares to hand the reins of the show to Jimmy Fallon in 2014, the program is sitting at the top of the late-night ratings.

    “We are purposefully making this change when Jay is No. 1, just as Jay replaced Johnny Carson when he was No. 1," said Steve Burke, chief executive officer of NBCUniversal. "Jimmy Fallon is a unique talent and this is his time.  I’m thrilled he will become the sixth host of ‘The Tonight Show’ at exactly the right moment, in conjunction with our coverage of next year's Winter Olympic Games from Sochi, Russia.”


    Burke said Leno’s 22-year reign “is a testament to his work ethic and dedication to his viewers and to NBC.” That, of course, includes the many good laughs and fine times the comedian has delivered on "Tonight Show" over the years.

    Here are Leno's top four ongoing segments and memorable moments: 

    'Headlines'
    Few things were funnier each night than his look at faux pas in the newspapers across the country. Wedding announcements that celebrate nuptials such as the "Bunn-Fullilove" union? Yes, please!

    'Jaywalking'
    Leno loved taking to the streets and stumping the common folk with difficult questions about common phrases. A bird in the hand is worth how much? Hint: Not a million.

     

    Saving careers
    Leno and "The Tonight Show" were struggling a bit in the ratings after he took over in May 1992, but the comedian not only revived his own late-night talk-show gig in 1995, but saved then-fumbling British actor Hugh Grant's career in the process. On July 10, the actor came on the show less than two weeks after getting caught with a prostitute. Leno jumped in with the now famous question, “What the hell were you thinking?” It marked the first time that Leno beat David Letterman's "Late Show" in the ratings.

    Presidential moment
    "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" made history in 2009 when it became the first late-night talk show to host a sitting president. Leno welcomed Barack Obama on March 19, when the president chatted about his economic plan. 

    Did we miss your favorite "Tonight Show With Jay Leno" moment? Tell us what it is on our Facebook page!

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  • Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno on 'Tonight Show' in spring 2014

    By TODAY staff

    Updated 3:30 p.m. ET: It's official: Jimmy Fallon is replacing Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" in spring 2014.

    Jimmy Fallon will be taking over 'The Tonight Show' franchise and moving the show to 30 Rock when Jay Leno leaves in 2014. NBC's Kristen Dahlgren reports.

    "Congratulations Jimmy," Leno offered on Wednesday. "I hope you're as lucky as me and hold on to the job until you're the old guy," joked the silver-haired car aficionado. "If you need me, I'll be at the garage."

    Fallon, the former "Saturday Night Live" cast member who has made a successful transition to daily TV as the current host of "Late Night," quipped about his time-slot bump from 12:35 a.m. to the 11 p.m. hour. 

    "I'm really excited to host a show that starts today instead of tomorrow," Fallon said.


    The announcement ends weeks of speculation that there would be changes in the late night landscape, but unlike many television shakeups, this one seems poised for a smooth transition. For starters, Fallon clearly has his predecessor's blessing.

    Furthermore, Fallon isn't going to have to uproot his franchise in order to take it to a "Tonight Show" stage -- the show is moving from Los Angeles to New York City. The talker will set up shop in its original home, 30 Rockefeller Plaza, where Fallon currently tapes "Late Night."

    New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg cheered the news in separate press releases, citing a "surge" in production of film and television shows in the state and city. Both welcomed Fallon at the helm of "Tonight," calling him a "native son."

    "The original 'Tonight Show' ushered in the modern era of television, broadcast here from New York," Cuomo said. "It is only fitting that as 'The Tonight Show' returns to our state, it will be headlined by New York's own native son and resident, Jimmy Fallon."

    Fallon, 38, will also be reuniting with "Saturday Night Live's" Lorne Michaels, who will become executive producer of "The Tonight Show."

    Slideshow: Jimmy Fallon's 'Late Night' hits

    Tracy Leeds / NBC

    Launch slideshow

    Leno, 62, has hosted the "The Tonight Show" since 1992, when he took over for Johnny Carson (with the exception of a controversial seven-month replacement by Conan O'Brien in 2009). This marks the end of an era for the comic, but it's one that will be highlighted by the rare fact that he's going out on top.

    Over the years, the popular host scored interview subjects as wide-ranging as President Barack Obama (first sitting president to do late night) to actor Hugh Grant ("I did a bad thing" with Divine Brown). And his comedy skits attempted to pick up where Carson left off, most notably with his nod to goofy headlines and his man-on-the-street favorite, "Jaywalking."

    The Tonight Show" is No. 1 in the ratings, and Leno's place in late-night history is cemented.

    "Jay Leno is an entertainment icon, making millions of people laugh every weeknight for more than 20 years," said Steve Burke, Chief Executive Officer of NBCUniversal. "His long reign as the highest-rated late-night host is a testament to his work ethic and dedication to his viewers and to NBC."

    NBC said an announcement about its programming plans for the 12:35 a.m. time period will be coming "soon," but rumors are swirling that Fallon's fellow "SNL" "Weekend Update" host Seth Meyers is on deck to replace him.

    Slideshow: Night people

    When the stars come out at night, they flock to the sofas of TV's talk shows. Here are the hosts America has lost sleep over.

    Launch slideshow

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  • Jimmy Fallon, Jay Leno croon about late night rumors to tune of 'Tonight'

    By Randee Dawn, TODAY contributor

    Ever since the rumor mill began churning with speculation over the fate of Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" and his (rumored!) potential successor Jimmy Fallon (of "Late Night") the pair have not yet addressed the controversy together.

    Until Monday night, when during "Late Night" Leno and Fallon shared a full-throated duet set to the "West Side Story" song "Tonight."


    "I've been through this before. I'll admit I'm a little sick of this," Leno told Fallon before the song began. The pair acknowledged their friendship, then launched into song. 

    "In the news all they say is I'm replacing you; they think I can woo the demo," sang Fallon.

    "Tonight, tonight, I've got Fox on the line, or maybe I could take over for Dave (Letterman)," returned Leno.

    (Note: While both hosts began singing in their own voices, later on professionals took over, which could account for the clear operatic tone both achieved.) 

    The Hollywood Reporter wrote that the idea for the musical number came from Fallon, who flew to Los Angeles to film his part of the song. 

    Check out the full video below!

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  • 'Celebrity Apprentice' star Dennis Rodman tells Jay Leno he 'almost' met the pope

    Paul Drinkwater / NBC via Getty Images

    Dennis Rodman on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno on Tuesday, March 19.

    By Erin Carlson, The Hollywood Reporter

    Dennis Rodman, unofficial celebrity ambassador to the world?

    The Worm, apparently still basking in attention for his buzzy, bizarre trip to North Korea, continued to describe the experience with Kim Jong-un in an appearance on Tuesday's edition of "The Tonight Show."

    Antoine Fuqua on Dennis Rodman's North Korea Trip, Violence in Movies and His Eminem Film

    "I was actually shocked that he's actually nice," Rodman said of the elusive and oppressive North Korean dictator, his new friend and an "awesome kid." Of Kim's headquarters, he added: "It's not even a palace, it's more like a fortress. It's just insane."

    VIDEO: Dennis Rodman Tells President Obama to 'Call' Kim Jong-un


    When Jay Leno asked about the severe poverty facing the country's citizens, the "Celebrity Apprentice" star replied: "It's pretty much like any other country. We got the same thing here."

    Footage from Rodman's "basketball diplomacy" tour is part of a TV show Vice Media is producing that will air on HBO next month.

    Dennis Rodman: Kim Jong-un Is 'an Awesome Kid'

    Last week Rodman made an equally stunt-y excursion to Rome, where the ex-NBA bad boy was photographed riding in a faux Popemobile. He had been stumping for Peter Turkson, a cardinal from Ghana, to win the papacy.

    Rodman -- sporting a signature flamboyant combination of track pants, Lacoste shirt and fur-lined coat on Leno's couch -- babbled somewhat incoherently while talking about his Italian journey. He claimed he "almost" met the pope but was cagey on the details.

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  • Stephen Colbert despairs, Jon Stewart rejoices in presidential election results

    By Mike Berman and Randee Dawn, NBC News contributors

    Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

    “What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

    But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

    But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

    Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

    “Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

    And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

    Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

    First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

    “What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

    Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

    Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.


     “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

    Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

    Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

    “Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

    Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

    Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

    And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

    "I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

    "Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

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  • Ron Paul to Jay Leno: 'I'll keep plugging along' in 2012 election

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Ron Paul didn't get a chance to speak at the Republican National Convention, but he got the next best thing ... a spot on “The Tonight Show” couch.

    Paul was shut out from the main stage in Tampa, and he had to wait for Jay Leno to finish his two-part conversation with Kevin Hart to have his say on Tuesday, but he got enough time to please his supporters -- especially one guy in the back who tried to start a “President Paul!” chant.

    It’s safe to say that the Paul and Mitt Romney camps won’t be swapping holiday cards. The best that can be said of Paul’s comments towards the Republican nominee was that they weren’t overtly hostile.

    Paul on Romney’s speech: “It was nice. He said a lot of nice things. It was very pleasant and all, but it wasn’t the speech that I would give.”

    Paul on who he’ll vote for in November: “No clue. No clue. I’ll keep plugging along.”

    So much for Republican Party unity post-convention.

    On the positive side for the GOP, he did make it sound very unlikely that he’d run as a third party candidate, though Leno channeled his inner political cheerleader and did his best to talk him into it. 

    “Democracy isn’t all that healthy because if you’re in a third party, you don’t get into the debates,” Paul said. “Had I tried to do what I’ve done in the past few years in a third party, I probably wouldn’t have gotten on your show.”

    True enough. But even doing it within the two-party system he didn’t get to speak in Tampa, so it’s all relative.

    Paul had nicer things to say about the Clint Eastwood skit. Of course, when Eastwood criticized Obama’s empty chair for not bringing the troops home, he was cheered. That was far from Paul’s experience.

    “Did you ever hear of a presidential candidate being booed? I’ve been booed because I want to bring the troops home,” Paul said, recalling his treatment by the audience at the Republican debates. “I said, ‘We just marched in. We can just march out.'”

    "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" also began their convention coverage. For Jon Stewart, one of the issues was the Democrats trying to answer the “Are you better off than you were four years ago” with some nuanced variation of “Americans understand....”

    “Here’s what the American people understand: Getting a free sandwich is a good reason to buy 10 other sandwiches. Here’s what the American people understand: Angels are real.”

    In other words, the answer to the “Are you better off” question is always "Yes!”


    Stewart also noted that Chuck Norris has joined the Mitt Romney bandwagon, proclaiming that this election pits the last best hope to same our nation against the start of a thousand-year descent into the abyss. Guest Tom Brokaw didn’t seem fazed.

    “I’m a little worried about Chuck Norris, but I’m waiting to hear what Dog the Bounty Hunter has to say,” Brokaw said.

    Odds are good he’ll find out soon enough.

     

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  • Rick Santorum visits Jay Leno, brings extra sweater vest

    By Chiderah Monde

    Tuesday night on the “Tonight Show,” former Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum sat down with host Jay Leno and took some pretty direct jabs at his old opponent Mitt Romney, while explaining the reason he waited so long to endorse him.  

    Appearing in his signature Santorum sweater vest, and bringing one for Leno as well, the former GOP competitor kept up with the comedy.

    When Leno asked about why the e-mail endorsement was sent out so late at night, Santorum joked, “We have seven kids, so we don’t sleep.” All kidding aside, Santorum added, “We decided to put it out late at night so it would be, sort of, the first thing people would see in the morning.” He said he waited to formally endorse Romney because of “some concerns” that needed to be hashed out with the candidate first.

    Leno also asked Santorum about his controversial social views, including his views against contraception, pornography, and gay marriage. On the issue of contraception, Santorum maintained that birth control is against his religion, though he wouldn’t support any ban on the practice. “I’ve never voted to stop contraception,” he said.

    “So a gay couple smoking with contraceptives would be the worst thing?” Leno asked, jokingly.

    “Oh my gosh,” Santorum laughed, “heaven forbid!”


    Unfortunately for the scores of Santorum supporters, the former Pennsylvania senator says he won’t be running again in 2016. “We’ll still have a Republican president,” he said, referring to a Romney win.

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  • Jon Stewart: With Santorum's creepy ad, who needs 'Hunger Games'?

    By Chiderah Monde and Randee Dawn

    Like millions of other Americans this past weekend, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney took his grandchildren to see "The Hunger Games." Quizzed by Wolf Blitzer about the film's violence, he admitted that PG-13 was the right rating for the film, joking "but I'm over 13 now."

    On Tuesday's "Daily Show," host Jon Stewart wasn't sure why anyone would need to go see a post-apocalyptic movie when they could watch candidate Rick Santorum's new campaign ad, which featured a bleakly depressing, horror-movie-like future that shows a man putting a gas nozzle to his head in a suicide stance.

    Apparently, this mythical small town in America where all these terrible things would happen -- Obamaville -- is comprised of "100 percent unhappy white people," said Stewart. "Oh my God, Rick Santorum thinks if Barack Obama gets re-elected, all of America's black people get raptured! Huh! You'd think white folks would be happier for them."

    Stewart also dove into Santorum vs. Romney vs. the "gotcha media." He replayed the clip of Santorum becoming upset and swearing after a reporter asked him about calling Romney "the worst Republican" in a speech.

    "Rick Santorum, social conservative, swearing at a reporter -- I think this is how he should talk from now on," said Stewart, offering up suggestions for other places where Santorum could toss out a few vulgarities.

    Over on “The Tonight Show,” Romney sat down with host Jay Leno, where the front-running candidate admitted he hadn't yet put together a  list of possible vice-presidential candidates and joked that he would choose David Letterman for veep.

    Leno had a list of his own, and prodded the candidate on his thoughts about popular Republican figures:

    New Jersey Governor Chris Christie: "Indomitable.... a man of strong will.... I'll try for smaller words next time."

    Florida Senator Marco Rubio: "The American Dream."

    Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan: "Creative."

    South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley: "Energetic."

    Donald Trump: "Huge." That drew considerable applause and chuckles.

    Rick Santorum: "Press secretary."


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  • Stephen Colbert gets Kermit the Frog to leap on the GOP primaries

    By Chiderah Monde and Randee Dawn

    Comedy Central

    There's a new investigative political analyst over at "The Colbert Report": Kermit the Frog. The most famous felt amphibian in the world initially insisted he didn't know much about politics on Wednesday night, but that didn't stop Colbert from naming him "Chief Swampland Political Analyst." And despite his humble comments, Kermit (who as Colbert reminded viewers was a veteran reporter for "Sesame Street") leaped right into the political fray, weighing in on the current GOP standings.

    "Newt? Oh, Newt!" he began. "Kermit the Frog must know all about newts because I'm an amphibian-American? Do we all look alike to you? ... The fact is, Stephen, that this race is far from over. You know, we haven't even hit Romney's strongholds of New York and California yet. And the closer Mitt gets to that magical number of 1144 delegates, well, the more leverage he has at a hypothetical brokered convention. However! However, you know, if rumors of a Santorum/Gingrich superticket prove true, well, we're in for a hot time in Tampa. How's that?"

    Oh, and as Kermit also wanted to make sure everyone knew, "The Muppets: 3D" is available on DVD/Blu-ray on March 20th.

    But that wasn't it for Colbert Wednesday night; he also took issue with the outcome of Tuesday night's primaries. He said he was particularly excited about how the race could end up looking like the contest between President Obama and Hillary Clinton last last time around. "Minus any women or black people," he added. "Or magic." He also took a jab at Rick Santorum for his suggestion that reading from a teleprompter is somehow unfit for a president -- and should be illegal. "But we cannot stop at teleprompters," said Colbert. "I reject all pre-written words; that's why I'm against reading books. Books are alive. When I read the words it makes thought sounds in my head like I'm thinking them."

    "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart also did a little rehashing of the winners in Tuesday night's primaries, noting that there's an easy mnemonic device one can use to remember them: "Places you can get to in a Winnebago go to Santorum; places that require a jet or a yacht go to Romney."


    What that meant is that Newt Gingrich was left in the cold with no wins, and Stewart was stunned that the candidate acted as if he had won. Stewart came up with a new phrase for the Gingrich campaign: "Newt 2012: You'll see, you'll all see." Gingrich began talking about how his delegates, mixed with Santorum's, would bring two-thirds of the needed delegates, while the "so-called front runner" would have less than one-third. Stewart noted that this doesn't wash -- "You don't get to add Santorum's stuff to yours to make it sound impressive.... That's not your total!"

    Elsewhere in late night, the focus was still on making fun of Mitt Romney's financial status. Jay Leno of "The Tonight Show," noted: "President Obama announced his Final Four: They are Kentucky, Ohio State, Missouri and North Carolina. And Mitt Romney announced his Final Four: Goldman Sachs, Wells Fargo, Exxon and The Cayman Islands."

    And "Late Show's" David Letterman came up with a new Romney-themed Top 10 list; this time, "Top 10 Other Phrases Never Before Said by Mitt Romney." No. 6: "Let's scour Craigslist for some free couches!" and No. 4: "We can't lay people off, it's not Christmas!" Letterman also returned to the story about Romney's dog tied to the roof of his car with No. 3: "I think the dog would be more comfortable in the car."

    Later on, he got guest Martin Short to sing a song for Mitt Romney. Short admitted he and Paul Shaffer had been paid to endorse Romney, then launched into a version of "It's Raining Mitt" (instead of "It's Raining Men"), with the help of three backup singers and multiple Romney cutouts.

    Sang Short: "It's raining Mitt, no s---!"

     

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  • Stephen Colbert offers new slogan for Mitt Romney: 'Enough'

    Comedy Central

    By Chiderah Monde

    Having taken his home state of Michigan with a relatively small margin (3.2%) in the primaries, GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is putting a positive spin on things, joking "we didn't win by a lot, but we won by enough." This inspired "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert Wednesday night to pen a new campaign slogan for the GOP frontrunner: "Romney 2012: Enough."

    Still, Colbert admitted he's a bit scared. Rick Santorum's momentum has weakened the GOP, which is now desperate to find a non-Romney leader, he said. If they can’t find a solid candidate before Super Tuesday, they’ll have to suck it up and rally around Romney.

    "Get Bobby Jindal a fake ID if he isn’t 35 yet!" Colbert suggested. Others he’d like to see in the race? New Jersey Governor Chris Christie or Florida Senator Marco Rubio. Colbert said he’ll even take “that lady who’s not a witch.” (That is Delaware’s Christine O’Donnell). Facing the harsh reality that Mitt might be it for Republicans, Colbert started the Countdown to Loving Mitt Clock.

    “We now have 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes to find a replacement for this robotic plutocrat who couldn’t hold the attention of cats with a can of tuna,” Colbert deadpanned.

    Meanwhile, Jon Stewart began last night with a new segment: The Long, Winding, Bumpy-A-- Road to The White House. The “Daily Show” host tuned in pretty late and Michigan hadn’t been called yet, so he flipped over to the cable news regulars for their updates on the episodic primary. And what he got there was a mélange of uncertainty, some cool high-tech equipment (a computer screen) being shown to kill time, and Anderson Cooper giving a tour of the fancy glass CNN studio -- all without any solid information. 

    He then turned to the most reliable news team around -- the "Daily Show" reporters -- who were all stuffed in a glass box. They had nothing to report either.

    And finally, at least someone seems to like Mitt: Arizona Senator John McCain sat down with "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno to remind everyone that he was still a Romney supporter. He added that he really would have liked to see a larger margin between Romney and his closest competitor, Rick Santorum. Then McCain expressed his disgust with the concept of Super PACs, calling them corrupt -- which drew considerable applause from Leno's audience. And in what seemed like the nicest way he could put it, McCain made it clear that he isn’t really a fan of Rick Santorum.


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