The third-season premiere of "Game of Thrones" is just five sleeps away, but Peter Dinklage, who plays Tyrion on HBO's epic fantasy series, dropped a major spoiler on "The Daily Show" Monday.

After Jon Stewart jokingly predicted, "not to give anything away, but your family does win and you become king," the Emmy winner teased: "We get a drive-through at Westeros!"

(Chick-fil-A or In-N-Out Burger? Guess we'll have to tune in to find out!)

Just like his sardonic character, Dinklage is a master of deadpan.

When his host asked where they filmed the visually stunning series, he quipped, "Jersey. Occasionally we'll go to a land called Connecticut."

Actually, he admitted most of his scenes take place in Northern Ireland, where, unlike America's obsessed fans -- about whom Dinklage coined the term "nerd glaze" -- the residents "don't care" about the film shoots.

To keep things legit, Dinklage cracked, "We are called to set by a raven. Ca-caw!"

How excited are you to see the return of Tyrion Lannister on Sunday night? Tell us on our Facebook page!

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Comedy Central

Next week's papal conclave will mark the beginning of the official process to elect a new pope, but according to "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart, there's no need to go through all those cardinal candidates.

Once Steward learned that any Catholic male could qualify for the position, he suggested his pick to replace Pope Benedict XVI.

"I already know a male catholic who's got an inside track on infallibility," he said while looking thoughtfully at a graphic of his Fox News foe Bill O'Reilly.

According to the host, there was just one hitch in his "popeful" plan. The job would mark a major move for "The O'Reilly Factor" host.

"Would O'Reilly accept a demotion?"

Zing!

Of course, Stewart knows his personal favorite doesn't stand a chance in what he calls "the race for the next pontiff." So he took a closer look at someone who's widely regarded as a much more likely candidate, Argentine Cardinal Leonardo Sandri

"Leonardo Sandri says he's infallible," a mock, smear ad began. "But just last week, he picked Bradley Cooper in his Oscar pool."

So who gets the top spot? Only time -- and the conclave -- will tell!

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Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

“What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

“Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

“What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.

 “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

“Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

"I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

"Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

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Finally, Election Day is here and "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert reigns triumphant. Not because he's been elected to anything -- but because he and his Super PAC, “Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow,” got a (likely unintentional) hat tip in the final hours of campaigning.

Mitt Romney recently told voters, “We can begin a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“He used our slogan!” Colbert said. “I think that proves that Mitt is a candidate just as serious and sincere as I am.”

But while the onslaught of political ads are over, the pundits and their punditry will be with us always. And the pundits were right in the crosshairs on both "Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show," though how any of the hosts managed to decide which clips to use among the sheer volume of noise on television is a mystery.

“Obviously on Wednesday or, God forbid, Thursday or December or whenever this thing is figured out, we’ll know which pundits were wrong, which were wronger, and which were ‘Oh my God, that guy was really wrong!'” Jon Stewart said on "The Daily Show."

Regardless, there are unlikely to be any meaningful consequences for the losers. “Punditry is like musical chairs. The only difference is that when the music stops, nobody moves the chairs. They just keep adding more chairs,” Stewart said.

"Colbert Report" guest Nate Silver also weighed in. “I’m not very pro-pundit, I have to say. If pundits were on the ballot against Ebola, I might vote Ebola -- or third party.”

Perhaps that’s partially because of his tiff with Joe Scarborough, the MSNBC morning host who read Silver’s computer model predicting an overwhelming chance of an Obama victory and sniped, “Anybody who thinks this race is anything but a toss-up right now is such an ideologue that they should be kept away from typewriters because they’re jokes.”

“Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney’s tax plan doesn’t add up,” Colbert said.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel continued to quiz random people on the streets of Los Angeles -- to continued sad, hilarious effect.

His most recent sidewalk escapade involved sending a reporter for "Lie Witness News" to ask people whether they'd voted yet, even though no polls were open in California when they initiated the quiz. Pretty much everyone was planning to vote later that evening ... but a few happily admitted to the fact that yes, they had voted, and lines were long.

Even a man in an Elmo costume couldn't be trusted to tell the whole truth, so he got a special prize: A sticker on his furry chest reading, "I lied."

Still, there was one voter who couldn't lie about choosing the next U.S. president, mainly because a dog can't vote. "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon brought his dog Gary to the studio and offered her (yes, her) up two bowls of kibble -- in hopes he could lend some insight into who will win on Tuesday. So who did Gary pick? Check out the video to find out. The future of the nation could be at stake.

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New Jersey natives Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi joined Sting, Christina Aguilera and other music stars on Friday in a televised benefit concert to raise funds for victims of Sandy, the superstorm that has killed nearly 100 people in the United States and devastated large sections of the Northeast.

The commercial-free one-hour telecast organized by NBCUniversal, "Hurricane Sandy: Coming Together," included appearances by Billy Joel, Jimmy Fallon, Steven Tyler, Mary J. Blige, Tina Fey, Jon Stewart, Whoopi Goldberg, Danny DeVito and NBC News' Brian Williams. TODAY show co-anchor Matt Lauer was host.

"Voice" coach Aguilera kicked off the program. 

"We've come together tonight to tell every single person who's suffering that we are here for you. We will do whatever we can to help. We will not leave anyone behind because every single one of you matters," the star said before beginning her performance of her hit "Beautiful."

"We haven't seen a storm like this in 100 years," said Lauer.

The show also featured Bon Jovi surveying the devastation in New Jersey. After the touching clip, which also showed the rocker talking to impacted residents, he performed an unplugged version of "Living on a Prayer." Images of the destruction caused by Superstorm Sandy were also interspersed throughout the show, along with victims pleading for aid, reminding viewers just how immense the damage was.

Slideshow: Hurricane Sandy: Coming Together

NBC

Launch slideshow

"New Jersey was hit really hard. Some beaches were destroyed. Boardwalks were torn apart. But they will be rebuilt," said late-night host Jimmy Fallon. "This song is dedicated to all the good times ahead." He then joined Steven Tyler, Billy Joel and Springsteen for an upbeat cover of "Under the Boardwalk."

"That ain't bad! ... Jimmy Fallon is a bold man to take the lead vocals," Jon Stewart joked after their performance, before getting serious again. "You never think that it's going to be your home or where you grew up. Now that it is, I find it more difficult (to ask for donations). ... We're asking for your help. Text, call, whatever you can do for the Red Cross."

The stars tried to give hope throughout the program, reminding those impacted by the storm that people care. 

"My prayers go out to everyone who was affected by the hurricane," Mary J. Blige said. "Things are gonna get better, so please hang in there, be strong and have faith. And please, everybody watching tonight, give something, anything. Every penny counts." She performed "The Living Proof," a song she wrote about surviving difficult times and the brighter days ahead.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band closed the show on a message of hope with a rousing rendition of their tune "Land of Hope and Dreams."

Money collected during the concert will be donated to the American Red Cross relief efforts. The Red Cross is providing shelter, food, emotional support and other assistance to those impacted by disasters such as Hurricane Sandy.

To donate, visit RedCross.org, call 1-800-HELPNOW or text the word REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.  

Reuters contributed to this report.

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Comedy Central

President Barack Obama and Jon Stewart.

After weeks of listening to Jon Stewart cheer, cajole, criticize, and generally fuss over the state of his campaign, President Barack Obama showed up to “The Daily Show” on Thursday and got the chance to speak for himself in person rather than through cable news soundbites.

The president and Stewart talked about issues domestic and foreign, with jokes mixed into the generally serious conversation. But Stewart started by asking what he’s asked on the air since the day it happened ... what went wrong for Obama during that first debate?

“Sometimes I’ll go onstage and have an open-faced turkey sandwich and a shot of NyQuil, and halfway through I’ll look up and say 'Are we on?'" Stewart said, offering his own excuse for the occasional sub-par night.

But Obama wasn’t blaming his diet or big pharma.

“Obviously I had an off night. The presentation wasn’t what it needed to be,” he said. “But the issues haven’t changed -- the stakes of this election are really big. Governor Romney makes a good presentation, but the fundamentals of what he’s calling for are the same policies that got us into this mess, that we've been fighting against for the past four years, trying to dig our way out of.”

Obama stressed the accomplishments of his first term, such as ending the war in Iraq, health care reform, bailing out the auto industry, and aggressively fighting al-Qaeda. He placed some of the blame on the Republicans for not being able to do more.

“We could be growing even faster than we have if Governor Romney’s allies in Congress would move on some of the things we’ve recommended.”

“We ended the war in Iraq. We’re ending the war in Afghanistan. We’ve gone after al-Qaeda and its leadership. It’s true that al-Qaeda is still active, at least sort of remnants of it are staging in other parts of North Africa and the Middle East. Sometimes you’ve got to make some tough calls, but you can do so in a way that’s consistent with international law and with American law,” Obama said.

Stewart also asked about the recent attack in Libya that killed the American ambassador, and Romney’s assertion that the White House came back with a confusing response.

“We weren’t confused about the fact that four Americans had been killed. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we needed to ramp up diplomatic security around the world right after it happened. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we had to investigate exactly what happened so it gets fixed. And I wasn’t confused about the fact that we’re going to hunt down whoever did it and bring them to justice,” Obama said.

“What I have always tried to do is make sure we get all the facts, figure out what went wrong, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. We’re still in that process now. Every piece of information that we get, as we got it we laid it out to the American people. The picture eventually gets fully filled in and we know exactly what happened, and then we know how to make sure we prevent it in the future,” he added.

Not surprisingly, the President treated the interview like a stump speech, and he closed with a plea for people to go to the polls.

"Here’s what I’ll say to everybody who’s watching -- the stakes on this could not be bigger. War, peace, the Supreme Court, a woman’s right to choose, whether we’re creating jobs in this country or whether they’re getting shipped overseas, whether our kids are getting the best education they can. All that stuff is at stake. There is no excuse not to vote.

Of course, there was some humor mixed in with the political discourse.

Stewart expressed concerns about the president’s plan to ask the rich to pay more taxes to help lower the deficit.

“Wait, this is the first I’m hearing about this. What is this about billionaires? What are you doing to us?” Stewart said. Clearly, being the host of “The Daily Show” pays well.

For his final question, Stewart noted that the interview had taken somewhere around 14 minutes. How many e-mails, Stewart asked, had the Obama campaign sent him during that time?

“It depends on whether you’ve maxed out,” Obama said.

Come on, Jon! If you’re a billionaire, what are a few thousand bucks among friends?

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Jon Stewart wasted no time leaping on Tuesday night's Presidential Debates on "Daily Show" Wednesday -- and he picked two of the most obvious soundbites from the debates to skewer: First, Mitt Romney's infamous comment about getting “binders full of women” qualified for jobs when he was governor of Massachusetts. Stewart played the clip, arranged the papers on his desk, paused, and smiled.

“Couple of things: One the women’s group was called MassGAP and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as a binder full of women, but perhaps as an organized collection of qualified resumes,” Stewart said. “But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”

He had more fun with the Libya discussion, which centered on determining the exact day President Obama first referred to it as an act of terror. Watching Romney walk into a trap of his own devising was almost too good for Stewart to talk about, particularly given that Obama urged him to "please, proceed."

“There’s your first clue -- when you feel you’re about you’re about to spring what you think is the checkmate moment of the debate and your debate opponent says to you, ‘Please proceed. Hold on, are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider,’” Stewart said. “When your opponent does that, you may want to wonder a la Wile E Coyote and Road Runner, (whether) that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock.”

From Stewart’s perspective, that’s exactly what it was. It should make Thursday’s interview with President Obama less awkward than it would have been a week ago, when Stewart was still focused on his less-robust performance in the first debate. Odds are good, however, that this will still come up in that conversation.

Stephen Colbert also had some thoughts, although he first told his viewers: “If you’re an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it’s 2-0.”

Like Stewart, he considered the Libya comment a turning point -- but wasn’t as happy with the outcome. “No, no ... it’s supposed to change everything the other way!” he said.  “That should have been Mitt’s moment of chest-thumping dominance over the carcass of his opponent, and it would have been too had it not been for that meddling moderator.”

In that latter comment, he echoed the Fox News spin, which also decried Candy Crowley’s purported fact-checking, which they argued should have taken place only after the event.

“Yes, the time for fact-checking is after the event, when voters have stopped watching,” Colbert said.

He was also sympathetic towards the Fox criticism of the “random” questions. “Why are we talking about Lady Issues in the Town Hall? Save it for the Sadie Hawkins debate when the girls are supposed to do the asking.”

And don’t get him started on assault weapons, or Romney’s spin that two-parent households could help solve the problem.

“The answer to gun violence isn’t getting rid of assault weapon, its two-parent households,” Colbert said. “Because when a psychopath marches into the mall in Kevlar body armor, slowly lifting the laser site of his Ak-47 towards the Sunglass Hut, the only thing that will stop him from carnage is when he asks himself what would mom and dad think?”

And having learned that people on the street will opine on anything if a microphone is in front of them, "Jimmy Kimmel Live" again sent roving reporters out to talk to people not just about a debate that hadn't happened yet (as they did last night, before the second presidential debates even started) -- but on one that would never exist: A First Ladies debate between Ann Romney and Michelle Obama. Naturally, everyone they spoke to was well-informed and happy to talk about who did the best in that particular debate. 

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Comedy Central

There’s no more awkward day to be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert than times like Tuesday night. The presidential debate had just finished, the viewing audience was eager to get their takes on it … and because both taped before it began, everyone had to wait a day for the snark.

Colbert’s prediction was obvious: “(Romney’s) got the edge heading into tonight’s presidential debate, in that unlike Obama, he was there for the first one.”

We’ll see Wednesday night if he gives himself credit for being right.

Both hosts had some fun with Paul Ryan’s volunteering -- or perhaps “volunteering” -- at a soup kitchen. After the fact, reports came out that there were no customers there, that the dishes were already washed and that the Romney team "forced" Ryan’s way into a facility that doesn’t want to be used as a political tool.

“Do you know how hard it is to make volunteering at a homeless shelter look like a negative thing?” Stewart said.

And even though later reports proved that those dishes really were dirty -- and specifically set aside for Ryan's brief visit -- the hosts didn't give the VP candidate a break.

“Forget 'Atlas Shrugged.' This weekend, Atlas Scrubbed,” Colbert noted. And he didn’t seemed bothered by the question of whether Ryan’s efforts were for the homeless or simply for the cameras. Even if he was only washing plates for a photo op, Colbert said, “That may sound pointless, but remember he’s running for vice president, the Commander-in-Pointless.”

Colbert also sympathized with the plaintiff on a Supreme Court case in which she alleges that she was not admitted to the University of Texas, and instead had to attend Louisiana State, because she is not a minority. (If it’s any comfort to her, plenty of Texas students probably wish they’d picked LSU instead following the Longhorns blowout loss on Saturday to Oklahoma).

“Folks, there is no greater injustice than having to attend your safety school,” he said. “I was devastated when I had to attend Dartmouth instead of my first choice: Hogwarts. They never responded to my application owl -- probably because he was white.”

And to compound the insult, “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling went on “The Daily Show” Monday night instead of appearing on Colbert. Burn!

Colbert did get Newark Mayor Cory Booker, fresh off his deal to get Manischewitz to relocate its corporate headquarters to his city (“You’ve got the worst wine on Earth coming. Mazel Tov!” Colbert said). The host asked the Democratic Booker to defend President Obama’s performance in the first debate.

“I think in this environment of 'American Idol,' we get focused on form and not as much on substance,” Booker said.

It’s settled. Ryan Seacrest and the “Idol” judges are moderating the next debate.  

As for Tuesday night's "Idol"-free debate, elsewhere in late night, it wasn't too early to focus on it after all. Jimmy Kimmel could have covered the action after it happened on his "Live!" show, but where's the fun in that? Instead he sent a camera crew out to the streets to talk to public about just who won the debate -- long before it ever took place.

But just because it hadn't actually happened yet, that didn't mean the man in the street didn't have some strong opinions about it. Some gave it to Obama, while other politically-minded folks rattled off their favorite highlights from the debate they only imagined. Watch the video above for the full range of reactions.

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“The Daily Show” traditionally is a Monday-Thursday operation, taking Fridays off and enjoying a long weekend every week. Nice work if you can get it. But one of the drawbacks is that it took an extra-long time to get Jon Stewart’s reaction to the Vice Presidential Debate that took place last week.

We finally got that on Monday, and it’s safe to say that Stewart was happier with Joe Biden’s performance than he was with Barack Obama’s the week before. The vice president was on top of his game, aggressively stating the administration’s accomplishments and swooping in to correct any of challenger Paul Ryan’s mistakes.

 “Who are you and what have you done with Crazy Joe Biden?” Stewart said. “Not only was Biden not his lovable, gaffe-tastic caricature, he must have recently upped his Adderall prescription because he was fact-checking this debate in real time!”

Biden wouldn’t have been Biden had he not been combative, and he took every opportunity to accuse Ryan of lying short of saying “lying.” Perhaps he knew that Mitt Romney had that word in Debate Bingo and wanted to keep him from winning.

Stewart was a big fan of Biden’s phrase, “With all due respect, that’s a bunch of malarkey.”

“That’s a weird combination of gangster and old-timey Irish colloquialism. Like ‘Goodfellas’ meets ‘The Quiet Man,'" he said.

The folks at Fox News, of course, did not agree with that assessment, and the “Daily Show” showed an assortment of clips in which its news team questioned Biden’s approach. One even used Biden as a clinic of what not to do if you were a 60-something man looking for a date, which may say something about that network’s target audience.

“Yep, fellas. If you’re going a-courtin' and you want to turn off women, act like Biden,” Stewart said. “Of course, if you’re looking to keep women alive and healthy, you might want to focus more on what he was saying, vis-a-vis health insurance and Medicare.”

“So to sum up Fox’s post-debate coverage, Joe Biden was an angry, demented, abusive, drunk old crazy person ... who mopped the floor with our guy,” he added.

Meanwhile on "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert focused on the Nobel Peace Prize, which the Norwegian Nobel Committee kept close to home and awarded to the European Community. He was less than impressed: “Oh what a shock! Congratulations, Europe! You gave yourself the Nobel Peace Prize!”

Predictably, Colbert wanted to see it awarded to another nation, one that is perhaps more active in the world’s hot spots and friendlier to comedic conservative talk show hosts.

“How about one for the United States of America? I don’t know about you, but I seem to remember someone putting an end to a couple of dust-ups that Europe started,” Colbert said. “What were they called again? Oh yeah, World War I and World War II. No biggie. Oh, and who spent billions on military bases all over Europe to keep the Communists from boot-stomping your waffle stands and Vespa dealerships. Oh yeah, we did.” 

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On the night of the vice-presidential debate, both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were hamstrung by their early tape times. Anyone waiting for their take on the Joe Biden-Paul Ryan slugfest would have to wait until Monday.

That didn’t stop Colbert from discussing it briefly, even though he admitted up front. “I haven’t seen it yet. Nor will I ever – it’s the vice-presidential debate.”

He focused on the complaints from the right that the moderator was Martha Raddatz. President Barack Obama was at her wedding 21 years ago to Obama’s law school classmate -- who she divorced in 1997. 

For Colbert, it’s enough to prove a conspiracy. “He knew that panini press would pay off eventually for the running mate he hadn’t met yet,” the host said. And if the gift wasn’t enough, there was the implied social obligation to tilt the scales for Biden. After all, “What woman doesn’t love doing a favor for her ex-husband’s friends?”

Then again, who needs petty friends like Raddatz anyway? Colbert’s guest was author Chrystia Freeland, plugging her book “Plutocrats, The Rise of the New Global Super-Rich and the Fall of Everyone Else.”

Of course, Colbert sees no problem with that trend. “Why is that a problem? The super-rich have super-earned all their super-wealth.”

Freeland agreed that this was the attitude among her subject group. Some argue that the tax burden should be reduced because of their voluntary contributions to their favorite causes, which presumably are more appropriate than the government’s plan for their tax dollars.

“We may not need roads or schools, but we do need the ballet,” Colbert said.

“Exactly. You may not need air traffic controllers, because you have your own private jet,” Freeland responded.

Stewart, meanwhile, focused on the low-hanging fruit: the downticket races. Like his old friend from Missouri, Senate candidate Todd Akin, and his thoughts on how the female body can protect itself from becoming pregnant if a woman is really raped.

“Yeah, the female body shuts it down if it’s legitimate rape,” Stewart said, of its magical powers. “It can repel rape sperm! It can turn ordinary rocks into beautiful gems in minutes!”

He also noted the divergent attitudes towards military service displayed by Florida candidate Allen West, who touts his own work in his TV ads, and Illinois’ Joe Walsh, who says opponent Tammy Duckworth talks about her own service too much in contrast to the “real heroes” who minimize their contributions.

“Can I be there when you tell Allen West he’s not a real hero?” Stewart hoped.

Elsewhere on "Live!", Jimmy Kimmel suggested the participants in various presidential and vice-presidential debates could be kept within stricter time limits if they were only treated like winners on award shows -- by being played off with music. After showing an example of Vice-President Joe Biden being handled in such a way, Kimmel quipped, "He didn't even have a chance to thank his agent."

And "Late Show's" David Letterman decided to lease up on Mitt Romney, turning on VP candidate Paul Ryan instead, with "Top 10 Thoughts Going Through Paul Ryan's Mind At This Moment," referring to photos of Ryan pumping iron and wearing a backwards-facing baseball cap.

"It's like the Backstreet Boys or something," said Letterman derisively of the photo shoot.

So what was Ryan's No. 1 thought during the shoot? "Maybe now people will take me seriously."

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Jon Stewart still hasn’t forgiven President Barack Obama for his debate performance last week. In fact, judging by the Wednesday night “Daily Show,” his frustration has only gotten worse.

“Election watchers are on the lookout this late in the campaign season for what they refer to as an October Surprise. Well, it appears that time is upon us as evidenced by the recent presidential debate in which President Obama revealed his explosive October Surprise -- that he has given up,” Stewart said to open the political commentary section of the show.

Harsh. But it didn’t end there. Stewart also isn't a fan of Obama’a comeback strategy, which involves a one-way strategic alliance with "Sesame Street," as evidenced by Obama’s rally quip: “Thank Goodness someone is finally getting tough on Big Bird.”

“Excellent ... next day comeback. It’s that 3 a.m. ‘Oh, that’s what I should have said!’” Stewart said.

But the quip has turned into a full-fledged marketing strategy, with TV ads rushed to market ridiculing Mitt Romney for taking on "Sesame Street" instead of Wall Street, and will.i.am beginning a rally for the president by playing the theme song.

“That ad allowed John McCain -- John McCain! -- to laugh at you!” Stewart said. “Let it go!”

This wouldn’t be the United States of America if companies weren’t using the presidential campaign to try and move product.

Both 7-Eleven and Pizza Hut have marketing strategies tied to the election. The red-or-blue cups campaign, where customers theoretically pick the cup of the candidate they support, as opposed to the one nearest to the Big Gulp machine or not covered with Slurpee slime, has Obama with a 20-point lead.

Those are just about the only poll numbers that are trending in the president’s direction though, as Stephen Colbert noted on "The Colbert Report," the results are likely biased. It’s not like Mitt Romney can vote for himself there, given that many Mormons skip caffeine.

Pizza Hut, meanwhile, is offering 30 years worth of free food to anyone who will use next week’s Town Hall debate to ask the candidates about their pizza topping preferences. “We recognize that there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious -- but no less important -- ones are being discussed inside houses across the country,” its statement said.

“True. Issues like 'What the (expletive) has happened to American Democracy?'” Colbert responded.

Colbert later interviewed Naomi Wolf, author of “Vagina: A New Biography.” She’s been a guest on the show before, and the host gave credit where it was due.

“The last time you were here, five years ago, you were here for the book 'The End of America.' You were like Jeremiah on the mountain telling us we were just a couple of years away from a Totalitarian Police State that would crush all of our rights,” Colbert said. “How did you stop it?”

Wolf didn’t take the credit. Perhaps she’s saving that story for her next book.

Meanwhile on "Late Show," David Letterman reached out to Mitt Romney from afar and said that "job one," if he wants to win this election, is to come on his program "and shut me up." Letterman then took a look into Romney's future following a big loss at the polls, with a series of made-up headlines that pointed out the reason for the loss: His failure to go on Letterman's show. "Just prove I'm a dumb-a-- punk, and you've got to come here and do it now," he dared Romney. 

And over on "The Tonight Show," Jay Leno looked more deeply into who was behind the airplane that flew over a speech Romney made on a farm in Ohio. The plane carried a banner that read "Crack down on Wall Street, not 'Sesame Street.'" His discovery: The two jokers flying the plane were none other than ... Ernie and Bert.

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