• Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel snag audiences, David Letterman goes on solo

    By Natalie Finn, E! Online

    "Jimmy Kimmel Live" planned to take New York by storm this week -- alas, it was the other way around. But, a night after canceling the show as post-tropical storm Sandy bore down on the Eastern Seaboard, Jimmy was in business Tuesday at the Brooklyn Academy of Music's Harvey Theater. And he snagged a live studio audience to watch!

    "I was born in Bay Ridge. I grew up in Mill Basin. Tonight, I have returned to save my people from the storm," Kimmel kicked off his monologue. "Thank you for ignoring the local authorities to be here tonight for our first show ... Mayor Bloomberg will be here shortly to have you arrested."

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    As for his unexpected night off: "I stayed in my hotel room, I drank all the little bottles of shampoo and I passed out."

    Before welcoming guests Howard Stern and Tracy Morgan, Kimmel also touched on hot topics like the fuss over the mayor's sign language translator, Lydia Callis ("It's hard to tell where the sign language ends and the interpretive dance begins") and photobombing types who will run outside in their bathing suits just to get on the news ("Only risk your life when it's hilarious").

    "I was begging Jimmy to cancel the show!" Stern announced. "I'm driving along and I'm trying to get here, and I thought, 'Why am I really trying to be here tonight?'"

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    Letterman, meanwhile, carried his edgy tone over from last night, joking that they normally ignore their audience anyway and lamenting the harsher storm facts like the concerned part-time New Yorker that he is.

    "Odd name for such a miserable force of nature," the "Late Show" host said of Sandy. "Effects felt from Bermuda to Canada, 8 million homes and businesses without electricity...Economic losses could reach $20 billion -- and most of that is in paper towels."

    "I had to come in, I used up all my sick days," he cracked. "I feel like Clint Eastwood, an old guy talking to empty chairs."

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    Kate Hudson was the previously scheduled guest, but she canceled and Weather Channel expert Jim Cantore ended up doing the honors instead, along with singer Andrew Bird.

    "Oh, it had nothing to do with the hurricane, it's just me," Letterman cracked about Hudson being a no-show.

    Elsewhere in town, Studio 6B was packed once again for "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" (would guest Donald Trump have bothered to show otherwise?), who thanked the crowd for coming out. 

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    "I'm so glad you're here because last night's audience was the worst," Fallon said. "Last night we had to do the show in front of a bunch of empty seats -- or as Clint Eastwood calls that, a full house."

    "A lot of people don't have access to Facebook or Twitter" in the wake of the storm, he continued. "A lot of people couldn't get on Instagram, either. This morning I had to show a picture of what I ate for breakfast to my cab driver."

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    Fallon also had a good zinger for Trump, as they talked about what the "Celebrity Apprentice" chair will do with his $5 million if President Barack Obama doesn't heed his call to turn over his college and passport records.

    Noted Fallon: "New Jersey could use it."

    To aid storm relief, please text REDCROSS to 90999 ($10 donation) or visit http://redcross.org

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  • David Letterman takes Donald Trump to task over his Obama offer

    By Kimberly Nordyke, The Hollywood Reporter

    Donald Trump has just trumped himself. The "Celebrity Apprentice" star made news Wednesday with his "bombshell" announcement that he'd donate $5 million to the charity of President Obama’s choice if the commander-in-chief would release his college records and applications and passport records and applications. (Trump has publicly questioned whether the president was born in the U.S.)

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    And now, in an appearance on CBS' "Late Show With David Letterman" airing Thursday night, he says he'd give even more money if the president complies.

    "I assume and I hope that his records are perfect," Trump says. "He picks up $5 million for charity. Five million. From me. Immediate. Check written. I'd even go more to be honest; there, you have a scoop," he told Letterman.

    Quipped Letterman with his arms spread wide: "Would you give him one of those giant checks?"

    Asked why he made the offer, Trump replied: "Transparency. Does that make sense to anybody?" Many members of the audience applauded in response.

    He added: "I hope everything's perfect. I want it to be perfect. And it very well might be."

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    Trump also appeared on CNN's "Piers Morgan Tonight" on Wednesday, where he told the host that he had received “tremendous praise for the most part" even though many people had mocked him on Twitter.

    Obama himself responded to Trump's offer on Wednesday's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," joking that Trump’s beef with him dated back to their days growing up in Kenya.

    "We had constant run-ins on the soccer field," Obama told Leno. "He wasn't very good and resented it. When we finally moved to America, I thought it would be over."

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  • Jon Stewart slams GOP senators for voting down bill to help vets

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Comedy Central

    You know it’s late in the election season when Jon Stewart doesn’t take advantage of Donald Trump’s October Non-Surprise to do a five-minute set on that "bombshell."

    Instead, Stewart devoted himself to veterans’ issues on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” There was some comedy, naturally, as Stewart railed against the Republican lawmakers who blocked a bill to ease veterans’ reintegration into the civilian workforce because they were concerned about how to pay for that initiative. 

    “Forty GOP senators thought it would be wrong to reintegrate veterans into the workforce … part of which was because of the money that they already spent on war to make them veterans in the first place,” Stewart said.

    He addressed the serious issue of those with skills learned in combat rather than in the classroom, which results in qualified applicants falling short of job requirements or requiring redundant training to acquire the necessary certification. Stewart brought on field medics Meg Mitcham and Daniel Hutchison to illustrate how their record of saving battlefield casualties would leave them short of the posted skills needed to be a school nurse, for example.

    Then again, as Stewart said, it may be their own fault. “What gave the veterans the idea that their military skills would be transferable in the real world in the first place?”

    Anyone who has ever seen an Army recruitment commercial knows that answer.

    Who knows whether Mitcham and Hutchison will get new jobs out of this, but Stewart didn’t let Hutchison walk away empty-handed once he heard about his hometown.

    “Oh, I didn’t realize you were from Ohio -- the only state that matters. Here’s a voter registration form,” Stewart said.

    In contrast, Stephen Colbert stuck to the usual comic script on his “Colbert Report," focusing attention on Libya and the continuing questions about who knew what when, how did they know it, and why didn’t they do whatever the folks in opposition wanted them to do.

    “Questions that Fox News has not been afraid to ask … 24 hours a day for the past six weeks,” Colbert noted.

    Colbert is sympathetic towards the desire for more transparency, harking back to a more open time. “Frankly, don’t you miss the Bush Administration? When we knew how to be afraid thanks to a color-coded scale that changed based on threats they often wouldn’t explain.”

    Question after question after question. It’s impossible to answer them all. But that’s not really the point.

    “Ultimately the question is how many questions do we have to ask before voters forget President Obama killed Osama bin Laden,” he said.

    Another who shouldn’t expect a lot of sympathy is Indiana senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock, the latest GOP hopeful to trip up while inexplicably trying to make a point about rape and abortion. If he winds up losing because of that, consider it divine will.

    “Don’t shed a tear, folks, because I’ve come to realize that this is just something that God intended to happen,” Colbert said.

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  • President Obama zings Donald Trump on 'Tonight Show' visit

    By Natalie Finn, E! Online

    Apparently President Barack Obama did hear about Donald Trump's huuuge announcement. "This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya," Obama joked Wednesday on "The Tonight Show," when Jay Leno -- comparing the situation to himself and David Letterman -- asked about Trump, who earlier today offered to donate $5 million to charity in exchange for a look at the president's college and passport records.

    "We had constant run-ins on the soccer field," Obama continued as Leno mimed notching a point down for the commander-in-chief.

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    "He wasn't very good and resented it. When we finally moved to America, I thought it would be over."

    And, as it turns out, the two have never even met.

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    Leno also quizzed Obama about his much-criticized performance in his first debate against Mitt Romney.

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    "The truth is, this is not a natural way of communicating," Obama explained. "You don't sit next to somebody and have an extended argument with them like that.... With Michelle, I just concede every point. That's why we celebrated our 20th anniversary."

    "There are worse things that can happen than forgetting to give your wife a gift," he cracked.

    But when discussing his plan to vote early when he visits Illinois on his "48-hour campaign marathon extravaganza" this week, it didn't sound like he's too far in the dog house with the first lady, noting, "Michelle told me she voted for me."

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    And, good news for trick-or-treaters on Pennsylvania Avenue who may have received fruit last year at the behest of Michelle Obama: "It is an election year, so candy for everybody," Obama announced. "If anybody comes from Ohio to the White House, they will get a Hershey bar about this big," he added, holding his hands far apart.

    Finally, the president was asked by a fan who submitted a question via Facebook if there was a cure for Romnesia.

    "Obamacare covers preexisting conditions," he said.

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  • 'Daily Show's' Jon Stewart: After last debate, 'I think Romney’s leaning Obama'

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Comedy Central

    Jon Stewart takes a closer look at the final presidential debate on "The Daily Show."

    Admit it. We’re happy the presidential debates are done, right? Even late night talk show hosts seem ready for the page to turn on the news cycle already.

    Tuesday marked two weeks to go until Election Day, and in one of the milestones denoting the end of the process, it was also the last round of debate recaps on the “Daily Show.” Host Jon Stewart was less ranty than he had been after the first two. Instead, he was fascinated by the amount of support Mitt Romney had for President Barack Obama’s foreign policy approach.

    After months of the Republican candidates and his party’s blistering attacks on Obama’s decisions, there was a surprising amount of agreement on issues like drones, Afghanistan, and even Iran.

    “I think Romney’s leaning Obama,” Stewart said after showing a round of clips where Romney praised the current administration’s policies. “Apparently Romney’s one of those coveted swing voters.”

    Among the issues of agreement: Romney’s desire to dissuade Iran from having a nuclear weapon through peaceful and democratic means. “Get a haircut, hippie,” Stewart said.

    What Romney is offering that he claims is lacking in the current administration is leadership. But with the similarities between the two’s policies, it’s hard for Stewart to see how that would happen.

    “Follow me!” Stewart said, in a possible Romney leadership speech. “I’ll be right behind the president!”


    Stephen Colbert watched the debate as well, and noticed the fixation that everyone had with Israel.

    “I was playing a drinking game last night where I took a shot of Manischevitz every time someone said Israel, and by the end of the debate I was totally … diabetic,” Colbert said. Which, given the sweet character of the wine, would not be a surprise.

    More than Stewart, Colbert noticed some differences between the candidates. For example, Romney criticized Obama for his Iran policies by noting that Iran is now four years closer to developing a nuclear bomb. Of course, given that time only moves in one direction, so is everyone else -- including Colbert himself.

    “Admittedly, I’m still far away – at the Mentos and diet coke stage,” Colbert said. “But still.”

    With the election tightening and a tie now a possibility, Colbert’s also looking forward to the return of his old friend. “As we know from history, the rules clearly dictate that in the event of a tie, our next president will be George W. Bush,” he said.

    If the Democrats were looking for a Get Out the Vote strategy, that would do it.

    But over on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon," the pre-Election Day tension eased. 

    The candidates (or at least reasonable facsimiles) put the debates and disagreements behind them in favor of a "hang session."

     

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  • Stephen Colbert talks voter fraud: 'Republicans are just playing defense'

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Comedy Central

    Stephen Colbert.

    With the election just a couple of weeks away, Stephen Colbert turned his attention to the potential of voter fraud. Sure, as he acknowledged, in-person voter fraud is extremely rare. But he remains worried nonetheless.

    “I say we can’t be too careful here folks. Anyone voting who I don’t personally know ... kind of suspicious,” Colbert said.

    That may be what prompted a Virginia man, hired by the state’s Republican Party, to allegedly trash eight voter registration forms. Predictably, this worried Colbert as well. “You destroyed voter registration forms, but only eight? What’s the matter? Was the paper stock too heavy?”

    “It’s all part of the game,” he continued. “The Democrats try to register voters and bus them to polling stations and the Republicans are just playing defense. Because that’s what wins championships!”

    Job destruction

    Colbert also had some fun with the CEOs who are going to greater lengths to win votes for Mitt Romney, warning their employees that another four years of Obama likely mean more taxes that would force them to cut jobs. So, no pressure, people. Just vote the right way or get canned!

    “If these CEOs or their companies have their taxes raised, you employees would lose your jobs,” Colbert said. “Which would be terrible because then you couldn’t work at that great place where your boss threatens you.”


    It all feeds into the narrative from President Obama, that four years of a Romney Administration would allow cater to the rich and leave everyone else to suffer.

    “Come on Mr. President. Everyone plays by the same set of rules,” Colbert says. “And at the end of the game the rich flip over the board and say ‘I win!’”

    Barack-tose Intolerance

    On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart reviewed how he became part of the news cycle on Thursday night, thanks to Obama’s calling the Benghazi attack “not optimal” while a guest on his show.  Stewart noted that some of the reaction came before the show even aired, like the response by Senator John McCain (who, as Stewart noted, is no stranger to committing to something without the proper vetting. Exhibit A: Sarah Palin).

    To Stewart, that’s just an example of the “Barack-tose intolerance” from the right in general, and Fox News in particular, even though their fears of four years ago have not been realized.

    “The economy is not yet socialized, Islamists burn effigies of Obama, the stock market doubled, Limbaugh and Hannity blathered on, gun rights actually expanded … and cars remain legal,” he said.

     

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  • President Obama tells Jon Stewart about first debate: 'Obviously, I had an off-night'

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Comedy Central

    President Barack Obama and Jon Stewart.

    After weeks of listening to Jon Stewart cheer, cajole, criticize, and generally fuss over the state of his campaign, President Barack Obama showed up to “The Daily Show” on Thursday and got the chance to speak for himself in person rather than through cable news soundbites.

    The president and Stewart talked about issues domestic and foreign, with jokes mixed into the generally serious conversation. But Stewart started by asking what he’s asked on the air since the day it happened ... what went wrong for Obama during that first debate?

    “Sometimes I’ll go onstage and have an open-faced turkey sandwich and a shot of NyQuil, and halfway through I’ll look up and say 'Are we on?'" Stewart said, offering his own excuse for the occasional sub-par night.

    But Obama wasn’t blaming his diet or big pharma.

    “Obviously I had an off night. The presentation wasn’t what it needed to be,” he said. “But the issues haven’t changed -- the stakes of this election are really big. Governor Romney makes a good presentation, but the fundamentals of what he’s calling for are the same policies that got us into this mess, that we've been fighting against for the past four years, trying to dig our way out of.”

    Obama stressed the accomplishments of his first term, such as ending the war in Iraq, health care reform, bailing out the auto industry, and aggressively fighting al-Qaeda. He placed some of the blame on the Republicans for not being able to do more.

    “We could be growing even faster than we have if Governor Romney’s allies in Congress would move on some of the things we’ve recommended.”

    “We ended the war in Iraq. We’re ending the war in Afghanistan. We’ve gone after al-Qaeda and its leadership. It’s true that al-Qaeda is still active, at least sort of remnants of it are staging in other parts of North Africa and the Middle East. Sometimes you’ve got to make some tough calls, but you can do so in a way that’s consistent with international law and with American law,” Obama said.

    Stewart also asked about the recent attack in Libya that killed the American ambassador, and Romney’s assertion that the White House came back with a confusing response.

    “We weren’t confused about the fact that four Americans had been killed. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we needed to ramp up diplomatic security around the world right after it happened. I wasn’t confused about the fact that we had to investigate exactly what happened so it gets fixed. And I wasn’t confused about the fact that we’re going to hunt down whoever did it and bring them to justice,” Obama said.

    “What I have always tried to do is make sure we get all the facts, figure out what went wrong, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. We’re still in that process now. Every piece of information that we get, as we got it we laid it out to the American people. The picture eventually gets fully filled in and we know exactly what happened, and then we know how to make sure we prevent it in the future,” he added.

    Not surprisingly, the President treated the interview like a stump speech, and he closed with a plea for people to go to the polls.

    "Here’s what I’ll say to everybody who’s watching -- the stakes on this could not be bigger. War, peace, the Supreme Court, a woman’s right to choose, whether we’re creating jobs in this country or whether they’re getting shipped overseas, whether our kids are getting the best education they can. All that stuff is at stake. There is no excuse not to vote.

    Of course, there was some humor mixed in with the political discourse.

    Stewart expressed concerns about the president’s plan to ask the rich to pay more taxes to help lower the deficit.

    “Wait, this is the first I’m hearing about this. What is this about billionaires? What are you doing to us?” Stewart said. Clearly, being the host of “The Daily Show” pays well.

    For his final question, Stewart noted that the interview had taken somewhere around 14 minutes. How many e-mails, Stewart asked, had the Obama campaign sent him during that time?


    “It depends on whether you’ve maxed out,” Obama said.

    Come on, Jon! If you’re a billionaire, what are a few thousand bucks among friends?

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  • Jon Stewart dubs Romney's binder a 'Notebook of Nipples'

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Jon Stewart wasted no time leaping on Tuesday night's Presidential Debates on "Daily Show" Wednesday -- and he picked two of the most obvious soundbites from the debates to skewer: First, Mitt Romney's infamous comment about getting “binders full of women” qualified for jobs when he was governor of Massachusetts. Stewart played the clip, arranged the papers on his desk, paused, and smiled.

    “Couple of things: One the women’s group was called MassGAP and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as a binder full of women, but perhaps as an organized collection of qualified resumes,” Stewart said. “But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”

    He had more fun with the Libya discussion, which centered on determining the exact day President Obama first referred to it as an act of terror. Watching Romney walk into a trap of his own devising was almost too good for Stewart to talk about, particularly given that Obama urged him to "please, proceed."

    “There’s your first clue -- when you feel you’re about you’re about to spring what you think is the checkmate moment of the debate and your debate opponent says to you, ‘Please proceed. Hold on, are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider,’” Stewart said. “When your opponent does that, you may want to wonder a la Wile E Coyote and Road Runner, (whether) that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock.”

    From Stewart’s perspective, that’s exactly what it was. It should make Thursday’s interview with President Obama less awkward than it would have been a week ago, when Stewart was still focused on his less-robust performance in the first debate. Odds are good, however, that this will still come up in that conversation.

    Stephen Colbert also had some thoughts, although he first told his viewers: “If you’re an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it’s 2-0.”


    Like Stewart, he considered the Libya comment a turning point -- but wasn’t as happy with the outcome. “No, no ... it’s supposed to change everything the other way!” he said.  “That should have been Mitt’s moment of chest-thumping dominance over the carcass of his opponent, and it would have been too had it not been for that meddling moderator.”

    In that latter comment, he echoed the Fox News spin, which also decried Candy Crowley’s purported fact-checking, which they argued should have taken place only after the event.

    “Yes, the time for fact-checking is after the event, when voters have stopped watching,” Colbert said.

    He was also sympathetic towards the Fox criticism of the “random” questions. “Why are we talking about Lady Issues in the Town Hall? Save it for the Sadie Hawkins debate when the girls are supposed to do the asking.”

    And don’t get him started on assault weapons, or Romney’s spin that two-parent households could help solve the problem.

    “The answer to gun violence isn’t getting rid of assault weapon, its two-parent households,” Colbert said. “Because when a psychopath marches into the mall in Kevlar body armor, slowly lifting the laser site of his Ak-47 towards the Sunglass Hut, the only thing that will stop him from carnage is when he asks himself what would mom and dad think?”

    And having learned that people on the street will opine on anything if a microphone is in front of them, "Jimmy Kimmel Live" again sent roving reporters out to talk to people not just about a debate that hadn't happened yet (as they did last night, before the second presidential debates even started) -- but on one that would never exist: A First Ladies debate between Ann Romney and Michelle Obama. Naturally, everyone they spoke to was well-informed and happy to talk about who did the best in that particular debate. 

     

     

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  • Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit gets lampooned on late-night TV

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Comedy Central

    There’s no more awkward day to be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert than times like Tuesday night. The presidential debate had just finished, the viewing audience was eager to get their takes on it … and because both taped before it began, everyone had to wait a day for the snark.

    Colbert’s prediction was obvious: “(Romney’s) got the edge heading into tonight’s presidential debate, in that unlike Obama, he was there for the first one.”

    We’ll see Wednesday night if he gives himself credit for being right.

    Both hosts had some fun with Paul Ryan’s volunteering -- or perhaps “volunteering” -- at a soup kitchen. After the fact, reports came out that there were no customers there, that the dishes were already washed and that the Romney team "forced" Ryan’s way into a facility that doesn’t want to be used as a political tool.

    “Do you know how hard it is to make volunteering at a homeless shelter look like a negative thing?” Stewart said.

    And even though later reports proved that those dishes really were dirty -- and specifically set aside for Ryan's brief visit -- the hosts didn't give the VP candidate a break.

    “Forget 'Atlas Shrugged.' This weekend, Atlas Scrubbed,” Colbert noted. And he didn’t seemed bothered by the question of whether Ryan’s efforts were for the homeless or simply for the cameras. Even if he was only washing plates for a photo op, Colbert said, “That may sound pointless, but remember he’s running for vice president, the Commander-in-Pointless.”


    Colbert also sympathized with the plaintiff on a Supreme Court case in which she alleges that she was not admitted to the University of Texas, and instead had to attend Louisiana State, because she is not a minority. (If it’s any comfort to her, plenty of Texas students probably wish they’d picked LSU instead following the Longhorns blowout loss on Saturday to Oklahoma).

    “Folks, there is no greater injustice than having to attend your safety school,” he said. “I was devastated when I had to attend Dartmouth instead of my first choice: Hogwarts. They never responded to my application owl -- probably because he was white.”

    And to compound the insult, “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling went on “The Daily Show” Monday night instead of appearing on Colbert. Burn!

    Colbert did get Newark Mayor Cory Booker, fresh off his deal to get Manischewitz to relocate its corporate headquarters to his city (“You’ve got the worst wine on Earth coming. Mazel Tov!” Colbert said). The host asked the Democratic Booker to defend President Obama’s performance in the first debate.

    “I think in this environment of 'American Idol,' we get focused on form and not as much on substance,” Booker said.

    It’s settled. Ryan Seacrest and the “Idol” judges are moderating the next debate.  

    As for Tuesday night's "Idol"-free debate, elsewhere in late night, it wasn't too early to focus on it after all. Jimmy Kimmel could have covered the action after it happened on his "Live!" show, but where's the fun in that? Instead he sent a camera crew out to the streets to talk to public about just who won the debate -- long before it ever took place.

    But just because it hadn't actually happened yet, that didn't mean the man in the street didn't have some strong opinions about it. Some gave it to Obama, while other politically-minded folks rattled off their favorite highlights from the debate they only imagined. Watch the video above for the full range of reactions.

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  • 'Daily Show's' Jon Stewart: What happened to 'lovable, gaffe-tastic' Joe Biden?

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    “The Daily Show” traditionally is a Monday-Thursday operation, taking Fridays off and enjoying a long weekend every week. Nice work if you can get it. But one of the drawbacks is that it took an extra-long time to get Jon Stewart’s reaction to the Vice Presidential Debate that took place last week.

    We finally got that on Monday, and it’s safe to say that Stewart was happier with Joe Biden’s performance than he was with Barack Obama’s the week before. The vice president was on top of his game, aggressively stating the administration’s accomplishments and swooping in to correct any of challenger Paul Ryan’s mistakes.

     “Who are you and what have you done with Crazy Joe Biden?” Stewart said. “Not only was Biden not his lovable, gaffe-tastic caricature, he must have recently upped his Adderall prescription because he was fact-checking this debate in real time!”

    Biden wouldn’t have been Biden had he not been combative, and he took every opportunity to accuse Ryan of lying short of saying “lying.” Perhaps he knew that Mitt Romney had that word in Debate Bingo and wanted to keep him from winning.


    Stewart was a big fan of Biden’s phrase, “With all due respect, that’s a bunch of malarkey.”

    “That’s a weird combination of gangster and old-timey Irish colloquialism. Like ‘Goodfellas’ meets ‘The Quiet Man,'" he said.

    The folks at Fox News, of course, did not agree with that assessment, and the “Daily Show” showed an assortment of clips in which its news team questioned Biden’s approach. One even used Biden as a clinic of what not to do if you were a 60-something man looking for a date, which may say something about that network’s target audience.

    “Yep, fellas. If you’re going a-courtin' and you want to turn off women, act like Biden,” Stewart said. “Of course, if you’re looking to keep women alive and healthy, you might want to focus more on what he was saying, vis-a-vis health insurance and Medicare.”

    “So to sum up Fox’s post-debate coverage, Joe Biden was an angry, demented, abusive, drunk old crazy person ... who mopped the floor with our guy,” he added.

    Meanwhile on "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert focused on the Nobel Peace Prize, which the Norwegian Nobel Committee kept close to home and awarded to the European Community. He was less than impressed: “Oh what a shock! Congratulations, Europe! You gave yourself the Nobel Peace Prize!”

    Predictably, Colbert wanted to see it awarded to another nation, one that is perhaps more active in the world’s hot spots and friendlier to comedic conservative talk show hosts.

    “How about one for the United States of America? I don’t know about you, but I seem to remember someone putting an end to a couple of dust-ups that Europe started,” Colbert said. “What were they called again? Oh yeah, World War I and World War II. No biggie. Oh, and who spent billions on military bases all over Europe to keep the Communists from boot-stomping your waffle stands and Vespa dealerships. Oh yeah, we did.” 

     

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  • Stephen Colbert sees no problem with super-rich super-earning their super wealth

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    On the night of the vice-presidential debate, both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were hamstrung by their early tape times. Anyone waiting for their take on the Joe Biden-Paul Ryan slugfest would have to wait until Monday.

    That didn’t stop Colbert from discussing it briefly, even though he admitted up front. “I haven’t seen it yet. Nor will I ever – it’s the vice-presidential debate.”

    He focused on the complaints from the right that the moderator was Martha Raddatz. President Barack Obama was at her wedding 21 years ago to Obama’s law school classmate -- who she divorced in 1997. 

    For Colbert, it’s enough to prove a conspiracy. “He knew that panini press would pay off eventually for the running mate he hadn’t met yet,” the host said. And if the gift wasn’t enough, there was the implied social obligation to tilt the scales for Biden. After all, “What woman doesn’t love doing a favor for her ex-husband’s friends?”


    Then again, who needs petty friends like Raddatz anyway? Colbert’s guest was author Chrystia Freeland, plugging her book “Plutocrats, The Rise of the New Global Super-Rich and the Fall of Everyone Else.”

    Of course, Colbert sees no problem with that trend. “Why is that a problem? The super-rich have super-earned all their super-wealth.”

    Freeland agreed that this was the attitude among her subject group. Some argue that the tax burden should be reduced because of their voluntary contributions to their favorite causes, which presumably are more appropriate than the government’s plan for their tax dollars.

    “We may not need roads or schools, but we do need the ballet,” Colbert said.

    “Exactly. You may not need air traffic controllers, because you have your own private jet,” Freeland responded.

    Stewart, meanwhile, focused on the low-hanging fruit: the downticket races. Like his old friend from Missouri, Senate candidate Todd Akin, and his thoughts on how the female body can protect itself from becoming pregnant if a woman is really raped.

    “Yeah, the female body shuts it down if it’s legitimate rape,” Stewart said, of its magical powers. “It can repel rape sperm! It can turn ordinary rocks into beautiful gems in minutes!”

    He also noted the divergent attitudes towards military service displayed by Florida candidate Allen West, who touts his own work in his TV ads, and Illinois’ Joe Walsh, who says opponent Tammy Duckworth talks about her own service too much in contrast to the “real heroes” who minimize their contributions.

    “Can I be there when you tell Allen West he’s not a real hero?” Stewart hoped.

    Elsewhere on "Live!", Jimmy Kimmel suggested the participants in various presidential and vice-presidential debates could be kept within stricter time limits if they were only treated like winners on award shows -- by being played off with music. After showing an example of Vice-President Joe Biden being handled in such a way, Kimmel quipped, "He didn't even have a chance to thank his agent."

    And "Late Show's" David Letterman decided to lease up on Mitt Romney, turning on VP candidate Paul Ryan instead, with "Top 10 Thoughts Going Through Paul Ryan's Mind At This Moment," referring to photos of Ryan pumping iron and wearing a backwards-facing baseball cap.

    "It's like the Backstreet Boys or something," said Letterman derisively of the photo shoot.

    So what was Ryan's No. 1 thought during the shoot? "Maybe now people will take me seriously."

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  • 'Daily Show's' Jon Stewart: the president's October Surprise is that 'he has given up'

    By Craig Berman, NBC News contributor

    Jon Stewart still hasn’t forgiven President Barack Obama for his debate performance last week. In fact, judging by the Wednesday night “Daily Show,” his frustration has only gotten worse.

    “Election watchers are on the lookout this late in the campaign season for what they refer to as an October Surprise. Well, it appears that time is upon us as evidenced by the recent presidential debate in which President Obama revealed his explosive October Surprise -- that he has given up,” Stewart said to open the political commentary section of the show.

    Harsh. But it didn’t end there. Stewart also isn't a fan of Obama’a comeback strategy, which involves a one-way strategic alliance with "Sesame Street," as evidenced by Obama’s rally quip: “Thank Goodness someone is finally getting tough on Big Bird.”

    “Excellent ... next day comeback. It’s that 3 a.m. ‘Oh, that’s what I should have said!’” Stewart said.

    But the quip has turned into a full-fledged marketing strategy, with TV ads rushed to market ridiculing Mitt Romney for taking on "Sesame Street" instead of Wall Street, and will.i.am beginning a rally for the president by playing the theme song.

    “That ad allowed John McCain -- John McCain! -- to laugh at you!” Stewart said. “Let it go!”

    This wouldn’t be the United States of America if companies weren’t using the presidential campaign to try and move product.

    Both 7-Eleven and Pizza Hut have marketing strategies tied to the election. The red-or-blue cups campaign, where customers theoretically pick the cup of the candidate they support, as opposed to the one nearest to the Big Gulp machine or not covered with Slurpee slime, has Obama with a 20-point lead.

    Those are just about the only poll numbers that are trending in the president’s direction though, as Stephen Colbert noted on "The Colbert Report," the results are likely biased. It’s not like Mitt Romney can vote for himself there, given that many Mormons skip caffeine.

    Pizza Hut, meanwhile, is offering 30 years worth of free food to anyone who will use next week’s Town Hall debate to ask the candidates about their pizza topping preferences. “We recognize that there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious -- but no less important -- ones are being discussed inside houses across the country,” its statement said.


    “True. Issues like 'What the (expletive) has happened to American Democracy?'” Colbert responded.

    Colbert later interviewed Naomi Wolf, author of “Vagina: A New Biography.” She’s been a guest on the show before, and the host gave credit where it was due.

    “The last time you were here, five years ago, you were here for the book 'The End of America.' You were like Jeremiah on the mountain telling us we were just a couple of years away from a Totalitarian Police State that would crush all of our rights,” Colbert said. “How did you stop it?”

    Wolf didn’t take the credit. Perhaps she’s saving that story for her next book.

    Meanwhile on "Late Show," David Letterman reached out to Mitt Romney from afar and said that "job one," if he wants to win this election, is to come on his program "and shut me up." Letterman then took a look into Romney's future following a big loss at the polls, with a series of made-up headlines that pointed out the reason for the loss: His failure to go on Letterman's show. "Just prove I'm a dumb-a-- punk, and you've got to come here and do it now," he dared Romney. 

    And over on "The Tonight Show," Jay Leno looked more deeply into who was behind the airplane that flew over a speech Romney made on a farm in Ohio. The plane carried a banner that read "Crack down on Wall Street, not 'Sesame Street.'" His discovery: The two jokers flying the plane were none other than ... Ernie and Bert.

     

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