NBC

Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy Fallon took his Tuesday night audience to the land of Make-Believe, as he donned his Mitt Romney outfit and salt-and-pepper hair and invited them to visit "Mister Romney's Neighborhood," a wicked riff on the classic PBS series "Mister Roger's Neighborhood."

Naturally, in Mitt's neighborhood, there's no soft blue cardigan to change into -- just another dark suit jacket -- and there's Manuel ready to take care of your shoewear. But Fallon-as-Romney had lessons to impart, such as the definition of money. "Do you know what money is?" he asked the camera. "I'm guessing no, because you're watching public television. Therefore you don't have cable. Therefore you're probably poor."

After a brief visit from President Obama (psst: not the real one), Fallon/Romney led audiences to the neighborhood of Make-Believe. "That's where me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from," he said, strapping a stuffed dog to the top of the trolley for the journey.

Truly, a joke that never gets old. And what did we learn about the land of Make-Believe? About things that don't really exist in the real world -- like a cat, in a tree house. Or Romney's tax returns.

Meanwhile, the boys at Comedy Central were hot on the trail in another way. Romney's surge in the polls led "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart to declare the election all but over, much like it was a lock for Barack Obama a week ago. But that’s nothing compared to how Stephen Colbert feels.

Colbert’s guest on "The Colbert Report" was a delightfully cranky Morrissey, who again put the kibosh on any reunion of The Smiths and seemed to be contemplating renouncing his anti-meat stance to turn Colbert into a plate of bacon. But he saved his biggest rant for the British royal family.

“I think they are arrogant, horrible dictators,” Morrissey said.

Guess that knighthood honor will have to wait.

But Colbert defended the honor of Princess Kate and company. Finally, Morrissey asked: “Do you have a royal family?”

“Yes. It’s called the Romneys,” Colbert said.

With a Romney presidency a certainty, Stewart took a look at how Mitt Romney might do something to eliminate that trillion dollar deficit he calls “immoral.” The Republican nominee has already said that social security and medicare won’t be changed for senior citizens. Job training is OK. He’ll even add to the Navy by 15 ships a year, including three submarines.

“It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but just seven more submarines and America gets a free sandwich,” Stewart said.

Moreover, all of that would come with the 20 percent tax cut that Romney has already promised.

"We get to keep all our stuff -- and pay less for it! This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all of the flavor and none of the calories,” Stewart said.

The obvious item that could be used to make those numbers work is a repeal of Obamacare, the sacred cause of many a Republican candidate this election cycle. But Romney said he intends to maintain some of the provisions he likes, like coverage of preexisting conditions and extending the period children can be covered on their parents policy.

Which caused Stewart to ask: “Are you a wizard? Do you know or have you ever captured a leprechaun? Is there a goose in your house that produces eggs that are unusually heavy? Because if not, you’re lying!”

And he’s still looking for more specificity, saying “Dude couldn’t be more vague if he were an HBO season finale!”

Though even Democratic fans of “The Sopranos” would give the award to HBO in that category.

Of course, Steven Colbert is happier with current events. “He is on a rocket ride to plausible!” Colbert gushed about Romney’s recent surge. But he’s not taking anything for granted either.

President Obama warned at a recent event that “we’re only going to do it if everyone is almost obsessive for the next 29 days.” Colbert chastened his fans for their passivity.

“That’s right Obama supporters. Right now you’re only logged on to his website, Facebook page, Twitter feed, YouTube channel, mobile app, Pintrest board, Tumblr, Flicker, Spotify, Storify and Instagram. He needs you to commit!”

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Comedy Central

Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show."

It was the first “Daily Show” for Jon Stewart since Saturday’s debate with Bill O’Reilly. If you didn’t get to see it, you’re not alone. Apparently the World Wide Web  may be big enough for the both of them, but not big enough to accommodate all of their fans and their download requests.

"I apologize for that. Turns out that the Internet is a series of tubes, and if you stuff too much in a series of tubes, it won’t work,” Stewart said.

But it was the other debate that continued to occupy the focus of the show. Mitt Romney is generally considered to have won his showdown with President Barack Obama, but one of the soundbites that everyone is talking about is his plan to cut funding for public broadcasting -- including Big Bird and “Sesame Street.”

“So pack your mugs and your Four Tenor DVDs and your tote bags and ride the high culture train back to cancel town,” Stewart said.

The usual suspects approved. Lou Dobbs was fired up about cutting $8 million from public broadcasting, despite his earlier criticisms that Obama’s desire to end $4 billion in oil subsidies was such a small amount that it wasn’t worth worrying about. In fairness, $4 billion might just be Dobbs’ hair care budget.

It was the fine folks at Fox News, who Stewart refers to with a profanity that got his 8-year-old in trouble for repeating it, who are most thrilled at the prospect of America’s youth not being brainwashed by liberal hacks like Grover and Big Bird.

“So Fox News is upset that empty-headed puppets are trying to brainwash and indoctrinate Americans. Well perhaps you could sue them,” Stewart said. “The charge could be copyright infringement.”

Later, he and his correspondents suggested a new name and slogan: Patriot Street. “Can you tell me how to get? How to get to Patriot Street?! With fiscal responsibility, that’s how!”

Stewart also gave some time to the Republican allegations that the recent positive jobs report was the result of cooking the books by the Obama administration.

But Stephen Colbert on the “Colbert Report” went farther and provided the proof.

"Think of it. Last month 114,000 unemployed moochers, the President’s natural allies, suddenly yank their government teat out of their mouth and get off the couch for 40 hours a week. Why? I say follow the money,” Colbert said. “I found out that right around when those people got those jobs? They started getting paid. And just where did that money come from? Right out of the pockets of job creators!”

For those of a similar mind, or the folks the “New Yorker” cited as feeling persecuted for their wealth, Colbert has a new political group, Protecting Industry Titans & Yachtsmen (or the PITY Party).

“Persecuted rich, join the PITY party. Because Obama might be reelected. And if he’s willing to say that he wants to go after Wall Street in his first term, there’s a chance he might actually do something in his second.”

Colbert did break character for a moment interviewing Mark Kelly. Kelly is the author of the children’s book “'Mousetronaut,” but most know him as the former space shuttle captain and husband of former Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Giffords, of course, was shot at an event in Tucson in January 2011, and recovered enough to make an appearance at the Democratic National Convention.

“As a guy who is an astronaut, who has flown the shuttle four times and had 39 combat missions, did you ever think you’d be the second-most heroic person in your marriage?” he asked.

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Bill O'Reilly and Jon Stewart.

Basic cable frenemies Bill O’Reilly and Jon Stewart squared off Saturday night in a debate streamed online from George Washington University. Dubbed “The Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium,” the Fox News Channel and Comedy Central personalities tackled the issues -- and each other -- with a back and forth that was refreshingly rude compared to the staid politeness expected of presidential candidates.

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The debate included O'Reilly jokingly naming Clint Eastwood as the famous person he’d pick for U.S. President. Stewart responded by getting out of his chair and addressing its seat cushions. “Why don’t we ask him?” Stewart said, creating an “invisible Eastwood” in mockery of the actor’s Republican National Convention speech.

The debate was streamed online for $4.95, with half the proceeds going to charity. But the event, moderated by CNN and Fox veteran Ed Hill, proved too popular for its own good, as untold numbers of people were unable to stream it until halfway through the show. Complaints flooded into the Rumble 2012 Facebook page, which prompted organizers to post an apology, stating its servers were overloaded.

Below are 10 highlights from the O’Reilly vs. Stewart debate.

1. O’Reilly comes prepared -- with signs.

The O’Reilly Factor host is famous for the “Talking Points Memo” section of his TV show. Without the use of TV graphics to illustrate his points, O’Reilly came armed with a series of signs, including some that read: "Bush Is Gone" (to emphasize President George W. Bush can’t be blamed for our current problems); “Iran not frightened” (to argue President Obama’s foreign policy does not sufficiently keep Iran in line); “Drones Yes, Waterboards No” (to point out the irony of it being chic to condemn water boarding but not to be outraged over bombings.)

VIDEO: Jon Stewart's hilarious response to Presidential debate

2. Stewart calls O’Reilly Mayor of "B------- Mountain."

In a Daily Show episode last month, Stewart dubbed Fox News “B------- Mountain” for its response to Mitt Romney’s now infamous 47 percent hidden camera video. In the debate’s opening minutes, Stewart said he had come to plead with “the mayor of B------- Mountain” to talk some sense into his people (presumably Fox viewers and employees).

Shortly before, Stewart said his friend O’Reilly was “completely full of s---.”

3. Stewart helps O’Reilly make hip references.

After O’Reilly argued foreign aid is needed to “buy” friends in hot spots around the world, he said he didn’t care if “Gerry and the Pacemakers” attacked a U.S. Embassy, Egypt could have stopped it.

Stewart rejoined that their debate was being broadcast online, and Gerry and the Pacemakers wasn’t a reference the audience would likely get.  O’Reilly revised his statement, saying it didn’t matter if  “Lil' Wayne attacked” our embassy.

VIDEO: Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly face off over shrimp

4. Stewart freaks out when O’Reilly says the Iraq War shouldn't have happened.

The men were asked whether military or volunteer service should be mandatory. Stewart said “There should be a draft,” but “not necessarily for the military.” His would include the option for volunteer service.

O’Reilly said he was against the draft, period, and went on to muse about recent U.S. wars: “We should not have gone to Iraq. Afghanistan we had to.”

Stewart stood on his chair and yelled “Live tweet that:  Bill O’Reilly said we should not have gone into Iraq.”

5. O’Reilly reveals which famous person he would save.

Asked “Which famous person would you save if the U.S. were burning?”, O’Reilly gamely answered “Oprah -- she’s worth about $100 billion.” A bemused Stewart said “My family.... listen, Oprah’s a great answer too.”

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6. Stewart calls O’Reilly’s electoral plan “Chutes and Ladders.”

When asked how he would change U.S. democracy, O'Reilly pitched a plan he described as a “more participatory democracy,” in which only those who had voted in the previous election could vote in the next one.

“If you sat it out one time, then you’d miss a round,” O’Reilly said.

“Yeah, let’s do it like a game of Chutes and Ladders,” Stewart said, mockingly.

O’Reilly explained he simply wanted people to become “more involved.”

“Fifty percent of people know nothing,” about government O’Reilly said. “'The Jersey Shore' people ... the 'Colbert (Report)' watchers.”

Stewart rejoined: “Yeah, not everyone’s as bright as a Fox viewer."

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7. Stewart picks O’Reilly’s “silliest” statement of the evening.

While sparring over whether government should run the healthcare system, O’Reilly said one need look no further than Great Britain for why government run healthcare doesn’t work. “In Britain, everyone’s teeth have fallen out,” he joked.

O’Reilly argued government was good at running things such as the military and the tax system, because it had a “tradition” of doing so -- while it had no such tradition with healthcare.

“That may be the silliest thing you've said all night,” Stewart said, before arguing government could make healthcare part of a proud tradition, just as the military is.

8. Stewart sits on O’Reilly’s lap.

Stewart and O’Reilly were asked how it was possible two opposing personalities such as themselves could sit down to hash out ideas, yet Congress could not do the same. Did they have any advice for the divided Congress?

Stewart climbed onto O’Reilly’s lap, and the men sat there uncomfortably for several moments.

“And what would you like for Christmas, little boy?” O’Reilly asked, before throwing Stewart off. (They moved on without answering the question.)

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9. O’Reilly reveals why he could never host "The Daily Show."

Asked if they could switch jobs for a week, O’Reilly said  “Are you kidding? I’d have to work in the same building as Colbert?”

Stewart said visiting the Fox News building was fun, because the Eye of Sauron was on top of it. He also noted Fox employees resembled the slave children from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."

“The only way I’d do it is if someone kicked me hard in the nuts,” Stewart concluded.

10. Stewart and O’Reilly show each other some love.

So ... what do the two men admire about each other? Stewart joked O’Reilly “coordinates a mean outfit," He then got serious, adding “Bill comes by his principles honestly. He’s a smart guy. He’s a funny guy ... this idea that disagreeing with somebody ... means you should not engage them is ridiculous.” 

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O’Reilly kept it short, joking he admired a man who could complete rehab six times and still become as successful as Stewart.

He added “Stewart tomorrow is going to visit the wounded troops.”

O’Reilly let that sink in with the crowd, which responded with big applause.

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Comedy Central

The general consensus is that Mitt Romney cleaned Barack Obama’s clock in Wednesday’s debate. Even Chris Matthews at MSNBC sounded forlorn at his performance. But surely the president could expect some kind words from Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show,” right?

Not so much.

“There is no Red America there is no Blue America there is only the America that can’t believe how bad this guy did in the debate,” Stewart said.  Later, he added “Even Osama bin Laden from the bottom of his watery grave watched and thought, ‘That’s the guy that killed me? Really? Mr. Look-Down-at-the-Paper-All-Night shot me in the face?”

Actually it was SEAL Team 6, but point taken.

It didn’t even matter that Romney told moderator Jim Leher that he’d cut funding for PBS, even if that move might leave Big Bird without a job.

“He could have waterboarded Aladdin, put down Blue, deported Dora the Explorer and still won walking away,” Stewart said.

It didn’t look like the president wanted to be there, spending a lot of time looking at his papers like a man in a hurry to go celebrate his wedding anniversary. But again, no sympathy.

“Mr. President, everyone has parts of their jobs that they don’t like as much, but they still have to do those things if they want to keep those jobs,” Stewart said.

More sparks might have been expected to fly when Bill O’Reilly showed up, since the two are debating on Saturday at George Washington University. But O’Reilly was mostly there to sell his book, and it’s not like Stewart wanted to turn the topic to the presidential debate.  But the Fox News host did have a theory for what happened.

“I think Mr. Obama is so far ahead that he just wanted to keep it exciting,” O’Reilly said.

“He’s redistributing his lead?” Stewart asked.

“That’s right,” O’Reilly said.

Another perspective

If Stewart was down in the mouth, Stephen Colbert was dancing in the aisles. Literally. He shimmied to the stage from high up in the crowd, exultant in the performance of Romney.

“Folks, it is a whole new horse race! Mitt smoked Obama! Metaphorically of course -- Mormons can’t smoke,” Colbert said. “(Obama) hasn’t done this poorly since he debated Clint Eastwood.”

 As for the charges that Romney embellished the facts while making his points against the President?

“Oh no! Mitt could lose the fact checking race!” Colbert said. “Quick, some fact checker should research the amount of electoral votes that Factchecksylvania has.”

Do-over

Meanwhile, over on "Late Night," host Jimmy Fallon channeled his inner Mitt Romney for a reenactment of the big event against a stand-in Obama. But unlike Stewart and Colbert, Fallon didn't care which of the candidates actually won or lost the debate. The real loser in his skit was moderator Jim Leher.

"I wish you'd just shut your yapper a little bit," Fallon-as-Romney told a bumbling faux-Leher. "We don't need you."

Ouch.

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Here’s some news that should have "Star Trek" fans champing at the bit: director J.J. Abrams premiered the first clip from his upcoming "Trek" sequel on TBS' "Conan." But it’s short … really short.

“It’s got to be really short,” Abrams said of studio Paramount’s instructions to him. “It can’t be longer than three frames,” he claimed his bosses told him.

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But Abrams told Conan O'Brien those three frames are indeed from "Star Trek Into Darkness," the heavily guarded follow-up to his 2009 "Trek" reboot.

“This is a scene where Spock … for reasons that you’ll have to see the film to understand, is in a volcano in this crazy suit.”

"Star Trek Into Darkness" is slated for a May 17, 2013, release and reunites the Enterprise crew from the 2009 film (including Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban and Zoe Saldana) and adds "Sherlock" star Benedict Cumberbatch in a villain role still shrouded in mystery, even though the movie has wrapped.

Watch the video. The clip begins (and ends) at the 1:51 mark. 

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Comedy Central

Jon Stewart teams up with network pal Stephen Colbert for intense debate training on "The Daily Show."

Jon Stewart is set to debate Fox News host Bill O’Reilly at George Washington University this weekend, which presents him with a problem: Debate prep. Mitt Romney had Rob Portman. Barack Obama had John Kerry. Who could Stewart have to play the role of O’Reilly in his debate prep?

“Who could possibly stand in for a man like the Papa Bear (O’Reilly), a right-wing traditionalist who isn’t afraid to speak his mind? An American who loves his country even more than he loves himself -- and he really loves himself quite a bit?”

Indeed. If only Stewart knew someone who played the role of a right-wing talk-show host. Maybe one with a show on Stewart’s same network. Perhaps one with something to promote.

You guessed it. Stephen Colbert. After all, when you have a book to push  (“America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't”), you have to take any gig you get offered.

Some of Colbert's advice:

• “Remember the Debate A-B-Cs -- always be attacking!”
• “Never admit that your opponent is right even -- especially -- if he is.”
• “Never, never let someone interrupt you.”

Stewart’s guest, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, did not offer advice of his own. But he offered an opinion on the first presidential debate, which took place after the show taped but before it aired.

“You know, I can look in the future, and I can tell you who won the debate. And I’m very objective about this. Romney won it,” Paul said.

Paul has a new book of his own to promote: “Government Bullies.”

“The message is that there is unintended consequences for well-meaning people,” Paul said. “Rules have gone too far. The economy is suffering under regulations.”

Check out the sales of the Colbert and Paul tomes to see if Stewart has the same effect on book sales as Oprah Winfrey.

On his own show, "The Colbert Report," Colbert spent some time on George Will’s column, in which Will likened the presidential race to baseball. Will cited the Cleveland Indians hiring of Frank Robinson as manager in the 1970s as a big step for the country, as he became the first African-American to manage a baseball team. He then also lauded the Indians for firing Robinson when the team underperformed.

“I have long appreciated the great reservoir of racial sensitivity that is the Cleveland Indians,” Colbert said. Then he flashed the team’s Chief Wahoo mascot, which rivals the Washington Redskins as far less-than-sensitive names and logos are concerned.

Wonder how that will affect book sales among baseball fans in Ohio.

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Comedy Central

Election Day is just five weeks away, but the Barack Obama-Mitt Romney race is far from over.

“The debate could change everything,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday’s “Colbert Report.” “The past two years of campaigning will mean jack squat. A total reset back to Year Zero of America. We will abandon the city and seek refuge in Cliffside caves.”

And speaking of reset, the first of Colbert’s two guests was looking to go back to the days where church leaders could get directly involved in political endorsements, before the IRS stepped in and it was declared illegal for tax-exempt organizations. Religious figures involved plan to make political speeches this weekend on Pulpit Freedom Sunday, send the tapes to the IRS, and challenge those laws. Because who doesn’t love being both sued and audited?

Then again, Colbert did put up a good sales pitch. “Pulpit Freedom Sunday! When the thrill of lengthy sermons finally meets the excitement of tax policy. It’s the boldest theological movement since Casual Good Friday,” he said.

Explaining it from the organizing group’s perspective was Pastor Jim Garlow, a leader of the Pulpit Freedom Sunday effort. Grabow was a good sport, answering Colbert’s theory that if a religious leader endorsed a candidate who lost or failed in office, it would reflect poorly on God.

“Your God’s probably just fine. But maybe you just had a loser preacher,” Garlow said.

But Colbert wasn’t convinced.

“I don’t need the government protecting me from speech,. I am a mature free-thinking American capable of making my own rational decision about which candidate my priest says God wants me to pick,” he said.

After that Colbert talked to Jorge Ramos of Univision. Ramos said he doesn’t expect the Latino vote to be in play, and that the Republican strategy for dealing with the immigration issue isn’t a winner.

“I’ve spoken to thousands of immigrants and I haven’t found one who wants to self-deport,” he said.

What voter fraud?

On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart focused on the failure of a Voter ID law in Pennsylvania, which the courts ruled could not be applied in 2012.

“Typical liberal judge! Striking down a perfectly hypothetical solution for fear of the real harm that it does,” he said. “The whole thing is a farce. In-person voter fraud doesn’t exist. It’s like outlawing New York Mets World Series celebrations.” Jon, Jon, Jon … was the 1986 Series really so long ago? Oh, wait. Guess it was.

“The Daily Show” also sketched out what it might have been like had Herman Cain kept the lead he had at one point in the primary election polls and became president. The former GOP nominee gave a taste of how he would respond if China demanded repayment of our debt.

“Why you gotta play me like that China? When you loaned that money to my predecessors, did you really think you were gonna get it back?” Cain said.

If nothing else, I’m sure the voters would appreciate the honesty.

Finally

David Letterman's repeated public invitations to Mitt Romney finally paid off. The host, who's hasn't held back his negative commentary about the Republican candidate, wanted Romney on the "Late Show" and on Tuesday night, he got him -- sort of.

Letterman introduced Romney and out came funnyman Jack Black in the role of Romney.

"I must say, in person, you're even more handsome," Letterman quipped.

"What a kind and thoughtful thing to say," Black-as-Romney responded. "Especially to a guest who is so reticent to appear on your late-night television program. Any misgivings I previously had about talking to you have been vanquished!"

And this Romney had even more praise for Letterman.

"You're a beacon of impartiality in the wasteland that is the lame-stream media," he said. "I regret my ill-advised to decision to delay my appearance on your program."

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Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert mocked Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's interest in Costco on Monday night's "Colbert Report."

If you were an Iranian looking for fun at the United Nations this week, a trip to Costco might not have been the first stop on your itinerary. Fortunately for Stephen Colbert, however, the approximately 140-person entourage of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spent their free time focused on buying hair care products in bulk.

Colbert was outraged at the presence of the Iranians at the Harlem Costco, though likely not as enraged as those shoppers who were expecting a sleepy midweek shopping experience and instead found a hoard of tourists clogging the shampoo aisle.

“They are seeking to split the atom, and now they can prevent split ends. How could Obama let this happen?” Colbert said.

He also noted that allowing the delegation to shop undercuts the whole point of sanctions, which is to prevent Iran from importing key products.

“We’ll never cripple their regime with economic isolation now that they have their own 200-pound boxes of economy size Advil, bulk bins of Nutter Butter and great shrink-wrapped rafts of shrimp Cup-O-Noodles,” Colbert said. “They’ll be able to hide their nuclear facilities inside their giant discarded barrels of Kirkland cole slaw.

“‘Don’t worry,’ you say, ‘they don’t have enriched uranium yet.’ Well, you know what else Costco sells? Yellow cake. A five-pound box (of cake mix) for $10.85. For $10.85, if you don’t make nukes you’re losing money. These maniacs may deny the Holocaust, but we have just laid the ground for a Holo-Costco,” he added

Good thing Colbert apparently didn’t know that the delegation reportedly hit the Payless and Walgreens stores as well.

‘Let’s get ready to humble!'

Jon Stewart had some fun on “The Daily Show” poking fun at the efforts to downplay expectations heading into the first presidential debate. To hear both his staffers and the talking heads pontificate, it seems like each candidate will consider it a success if they manage to go the whole 90 minutes without throwing up on the audience from sheer terror.

Well, except for New Jersey governor Chris Christie, who went on TV and announced:  “Here’s the good news for the Republicans. We’ve got a candidate who’s going to do extremely well Wednesday night!” He went on to declare Wednesday a game-changer that would witness Romney seize control of the election, a bar considerably higher than the one most of the party had set.

That was confusing to Stewart … for a moment.

“What are you doing Christie?! If Romney fails to meet those expectations, he’s going to lose the general election creating chaos in the Republican Party, leaving an opening in 2016 – ohhhhhhhh,” Stewart said.

The debate jokes were a preview to his interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger. The former governor of California who went through some well-publicized trouble in his personal life a year ago had to be wondering how far he’d fallen, from being in charge of the largest (and arguably most dysfunctional) state in the country to sitting across from Stewart listening to multiple “if you could only go back in time and change things” jokes.

But Schwarzenegger did have something to say about political infighting, not surprising considering his think-tank at USC is looking to end that as well as climate change and other easy-to-solve problems.

“I saw this first-hand in Sacramento -- a lot of good ideas that people put on the table can’t always get done because of the politics,” he said. “We were able to accomplish a lot by bringing the parties together, but there were other things that were much more difficult, and it was a real eye opener. I said we’ve got to cut down our spending by $5 billion and they said ‘hell no, because people need those programs and services. We’re not going to have welfare reform.’”

 That experience should make dealing with the book promotion circuit child’s play.

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Comedy Central

As Jon Stewart has mentioned a time or 20, the United Nations does nothing so well as disrupt traffic patterns in New York, thus making his daily commute longer and less predictable. It’s only fair that the international discussion forum also provide some material for "The Daily Show," and that’s what he was hoping for when Iran and its nuclear ambition took the stage Thursday.

Stewart, and the rest of the world, was expecting fireworks. After all, it’s been in the news for weeks, and who knows what those wacky world leaders will do when the cameras are on and the translators are hard at work. First came the threatening words of President Obama:

"Here it comes people! President Obama’s gonna be like 'It’s 0800. Bombing starts in an hour'," Stewart said.

Alas, for Stewart, that was not the case. "America wants to solve this through diplomacy. It’s time to heed the words of Gandhi. Intolerance is itself a form of violence, an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit," President Obama said.

Not exactly "my way of the highway" there. But not to worry. We could surely expect more from Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

"I do not believe that Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and others have any problems among themselves or have any problems against each other. They get along together comfortably," Ahmadinejad said.

OK. Everyone loves peaceful words, but that’s a bit of a stretch. Unless, as Stewart said, “If by comfortably, you mean ‘with near-constant bloodshed.’” But no worries … Ahmadinejad was about to attack the host nation with all of the material in his arsenal.

"Are we to believe that those who would spend hundreds of millions of dollars on election campaigns have the interest of others in their hearts?" the Iranian President asked.

There you go. Forget about nuclear weapons. Ahmadinejad is all about campaign finance reform.

But there was one leader who wanted to talk Iranian nukes: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. His speech came with its own prop, a cartoon-style drawing of a bomb with a red line conveniently added.

"What’s with the Wile E. Coyote Nuclear Bomb?" Stewart asked. "You’re going to pretend you don’t know what a nuclear bomb looks like? You’re Israel. Run downstairs and look in the basement."

It’s not over yet
Steven Colbert stuck to domestic issues. After he was finished promoting his upcoming book, he had Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s back in expressing his lack of concern about the poll numbers. After all, there’s still 40 days until Election Day.

"A lot can happen in 40 days. Obama could make a gaffe. Mitt could win the debates. God could send a flood that destroys all mankind," Colbert noted.

And he liked that most polls have Romney doing better among engaged voters. "He’s much closer among the extremely interested. … and he’s up two points if you count only voters who are psychotically engaged."

So there you go. Between the hyper-engaged and the prospect of divine intervention, Colbert things Romney has nothing to worry about.

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Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert frets over news of a global bacon shortage on "Colbert Report."

Stephen Colbert was in rare form on Wednesday, offending a laundry list of religions with his political theories behind the pending bacon shortage and the movement to get people praying for a Romney win.

Not surprisingly, the bacon story came first. The expected dearth in the supply of America’s favorite breakfast meat has been all over the news, and Colbert isn’t buying the explanation that a drought is the cause.

“Just think about it -- who’s not supposed to eat bacon? Well, Jews first, but most of the Jews I know eat it anyway. No, I’m talking about the really observant Jews -- Muslims. They won’t even touch bacon. Which means this bacon shortage is nothing less than creeping Sharia law.”

And like the commentators whose opinions he channels, Colbert knows who’s at fault.

“You know who I blame? Barack Obama. I have been warning you for years about his kowtowing to Islamic extremists, and now the chicken schwarma is coming home to roost,” he said. The next thing you know, Cat Deeley is hosting ‘So You Think You Can Dervish.”

Which would be far from the most bizarre reality show on TV today.

Praying to save America

But anyone worried that Colbert would spend the whole show on Islam didn’t need to worry. He soon turned the topic over to Christianity. More specifically, the  “40 Days to Save America” website that asks pastors and congregations to commit to asking God for help electing their desired candidates, arguing that “prayer + fasting + action equals change”

“That’s amazing. Usually prayer plus fasting plus action equals passing out,” Colbert said.

The pastor behind the movement, Rick Scarborough, helped launch Rick Perry’s presidential campaign with a prayer rally. We all know how that turned out. But as Colbert noted: “Pastor Scarborough did credit the rally with ending the drought in Texas. So clearly his prayers work on natural disasters, which is a perfect match for the Romney campaign.”

As for its effects?

“This prayer will help Mitt Romney win over undecided voters, especially the biggest undecided voter of them all -- God. I mean, he may be all-knowing, but he would still like to know a little bit more about Mitt’s tax returns," according to Colbert. "In fact, God is three undecided voters – the father, son and holy spirit. And you have to figure the son is leaning Obama, what with the long hair and the loaves and fishes handouts to the poor. Get a job, hippie!”

But if Jesus is a long shot under that scenario, Colbert thinks this approach has a better shot with God, who as traditionally depicted fits the Romney demographic.

“He’s old, male, vengeful, and he lives in a gated community.”

Big budget boom

But there's someone who doesn't connect with either Romney or Obama, at least when it comes to the bottom line. On Wednesday night's "Late Show," David Letterman spoke with British Prime Minister David Cameron, who scoffed at the billion-plus budgets of American political campaigns.

"It's a really big difference between us," Cameron said of the campaign process. "We don't allow political parties to advertise on television, so that massively cuts the cost."

With applause from the "Late Show" audience, Cameron added, "I've never uttered the words, 'I'm David Cameron, and I approve this message.'"

What's in a name?

In honor of the gathering of the United Nations General Assembly in New York this week, Letterman then turned his focus to a Top Ten roundup on Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- specifically, "words that almost rhyme with Mahmoud."

"I'm sure in Iran, it's probably a very common name," the host began, "But to us, it has an odd sound to our ear."

So with the help of a rhyming dictionary and a "special thesaurus," he offered such entries as "muumuu," "Brit Hume," "mom nude," and his No. 1 pick, "Mets booed."

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Comedy Central

King Abdullah II of Jordan spoke to "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart Tuesday night.

If you think we’re paying close attention to issues like Iran’s pursuit of a nuclear weapon and the effect that YouTube videos can have in the streets of the Middle East, that’s nothing compared to what’s going on in the mind of the rulers in the regions.

Jon Stewart got to hear about Arab Spring from King Abdullah II of Jordan on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.” King Abdullah, in New York for the United Nations General Assembly, offered his take on the region in an extended interview.

Though, as Stewart noted at the beginning of the show, neither King Abdullah nor anyone else will be getting a private session with President Obama (in his defense, “The View” is a much cheerier setting than the U.N. Building), the Jordanian monarch gave him a taste of what he would say about the Iran situation if he were able to tear his way away from Barbara Walters and company.

“The way I put it to those who will listen is that the reason we have a nuclear program is because what Israel is doing to the Palestinians, and the future of Jerusalem,” he said. “So my argument is that if Israel and Palestinians solve their problems, that allows the Israelis and the Arabs to come together and have a peace treaty, then there’s no longer a raison d’être for Iran to have a nuclear weapon.”

The king also discussed Arab Spring and its effects, noting that while Jordan is surrounded by volatility (“we’ve seen better days,” he said), it got ahead of the game by making changes to its political system in advance.

“The difference between Jordan and other countries is that we changed the constitution. They ran elections and now have to change the constitution,” he said.

He also noted that some of the results that may not make some in the United States very happy right now are the inevitable results of the transition to Democracy.

“Arab Spring started because of the economy, and then it went from economic frustration to politics. What happened in a lot of countries was, as young men and women aspired to political form, those who were more organized like the Muslim Brotherhood hijacked the movement. …But in a way, that’s Democracy,” he said.

And President Obama doesn’t need to worry about hurt feelings. As far as King Abdullah is concerned, choosing “The View” over world leaders isn’t bothering anyone.

“Not that I have heard, no. I think everyone is there preparing for their speeches.”

Questionable call

The decision to meet with “The View” audience as opposed to world leaders did bother Stewart, who began the show questioning the decision. But, as he noted, it doesn’t seem to be affecting his election chances.

“Whatever his missteps are as a candidate Obama is still surging in the polls because the closer we get to the election the dumber Mitt Romney seems to be getting,” he said.

The audience cheered, but Stewart shook his head.

“Really? Is that how you wanna win this thing? The other guy just tears his ACL -- that’s how you want to win?”

Up in the air

Over on the "Colbert Report," host Stephen Colbert took a moment to chat about one of those "injuries" Romney recently suffered -- his airplane window gaffe.

On Saturday, an electrical fire caused the candidate's wife's plane to make an emergency landing. The event left Romney publically musing about airplane windows.

"You can't fine any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft because the windows don't open -- I don't know why they don’t… It's a real problem." he said after the incident.

"It is a real problem," Colbert agreed. "For one thing, it explains why Burger King doesn't have a fly-through window. … Just as Kennedy challenged us to put a man on the moon, now Mitt Romney is challenging us to add power windows to the Delta shuttle -- not because it is easy, but because it is impossible."

Meanwhile Ann Romney sat down with Jay Leno Wednesday night to talk about a wide range of things on the "Tonight Show" -- from flying in a smoke-filled plane, to the fact that the Romney family (they have five sons) loves Costco, and about her battle with multiple sclerosis -- oh, and also about the Republican candidate’s abilities as a hoofer.

“You know, Jay,” she said to Leno, “he’s gotten to be a better dancer.”

Cut to a doctored clip of Romney mixing it up “Gangnam Style.”

She was a game guest, but admitted that campaigning is stressful – and she didn’t expect to be doing it yet again. “It’s a hard thing to do this … especially being a wife and having to listen to (attacks in the media) all the time,” she told Leno, then ‘fessed up: Four years ago, she made her husband a very special videotape. “I looked in the camera, and I said, ‘Mitt, this is for you, sweetheart. I’m never doing this again.’ And I showed it to him. And he looked at it and then he said, ‘You know, Ann, you say that after every pregnancy.’ Which is true.”

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Comedy Central

Jon Stewart closed his week with a big name on “The Daily Show,” using the final two segments to interview former president Bill Clinton.

Clinton was more subdued than he was at the Democratic National Convention, when he energized an audience with his extended defense of President Barack Obama and his criticisms of Republican nominee Mitt Romney and the Republicans. Loud though the “Daily Show” audience is, it’s not like the convention. Plus there were no balloons or confetti. But Clinton obviously remains proud of what he said there, and focused on getting Democrats to the polls.

“I think the American people take this election seriously,” Clinton said. “They know they have to make choices that will affect their lives, and it’s not very helpful if you take up their time and don’t tell them what their choices are, and that’s what I tried to do.”

Clinton noted that Romney has had to tack to the right, whether because of a change in his political philosophy or as a way to get elected. “Part of the problem that he has is that he made all these commitments in the Primary campaign, and they just kept pushing everyone to the right. Every week another candidate came up and it was like Whack-A-Mole, he had to knock them down.”

But now the big problem Romney has, according to Clinton, is his lack of specificity on key details.

“If I come to you and I say we have this terrible national debt, and here’s my opening gambit -- the first thing I’m going to do is raise it by another $5 trillion over a decade by doing another round of tax cuts that mostly benefit the people who benefitted over the past decade even though it didn’t produce jobs. Now we’re in a really deep hole, now let me tell you how I’m gonna get out of it. Well what about the details? See me after the election,” Clinton imitated.

Yeah, when you put it that way, it’s not very convincing.

Before moving on to talk about the Clinton Global Initiative, he closed with a plea to move from ideology to practicality.

“This is a practical country. We have ideals. We have philosophies. But the problem with any ideology is that it gives the answer before you look at the evidence, so you have to mold the evidence to fit the answer you’ve already decided you’ve got to have.”

Elsewhere in late night, the focus stayed on Romney.

David Letterman addressed the candidate's claim that the “Late Show” host doesn’t like him because he has appeared on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. On the contrary, said a peeved Letterman, who insisted that the Republican presidential candidate, and his “little buddy Gilligan” – aka vice presidential nominee Rep. Paul Ryan -- have an open invitation to visit the show anytime.

“The man is delusional,” Letterman said. “If he thinks we hate him … We are not in the hate business. We are here looking to make friends. … Now, Mitt Romney has been on the show many, many times. Let me ask you something, Mitt. If we hated you, why do we keep begging you to be on the show? 

“Let me go out on a limb here and say … Mitt Romney or his little buddy, the vice president, who’s the little guy (referring to Paul Ryan) … Gilligan, his little buddy Gilligan … they have an open invitation to be on the show anytime, on short notice. You want to be here tomorrow? Fine. You want to be here Monday? Anytime, I don’t care. Bring in Mitt Romney, bring in Paul Ryan, bring in Mitt and Mrs. Mitt, bring in the kids … bring in everybody. We don’t hate you, Mitt! We don’t hate people!”

Meanwhile, on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon," Fallon channeled his inner-Romney to give viewers a glimpse at just how hip the Republican presidential candidate might look like if he addressed the Internet directly.

Proving that he's a "cool, down-to-Earth, normal dude person," Fallon's Romney put together a Rom Bomb Video Vlog Blog and smoothed over his recent "slip-up."

"When I said that 47 percent of folks are dependent on government and believe that they're entitled to food, healthcare and housing, I was just joshing! Hahahaha!"

Then, keeping with the cool-cat stuff, Fallon-as-Romney showed off a picture of his grandkids all dressed up in gingham -- which was the perfect moment to show off his "Gingham Style" moves.

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