• Jimmy Fallon's 'Tonight Show' transition dominates late night monologues

    By Randee Dawn, TODAY contributor

    Wednesday's announcement that Jay Leno would be stepping down from "The Tonight Show" hosting duties on NBC to make room for "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon in Spring 2014 clearly had the staffs of every late night show scrambling to rewrite their opening monologues -- because everyone had something to say!

    First, there was the back-patting; this transition is being done with an air of friendliness that did not necessarily characterize the one that brought Conan O'Brien into "Tonight's" seat for a few months in 2009.

    "He is a hell of a guy!" said Leno last night to his audience about Fallon. "He's going to do a great job. I just have one request for Jimmy: We've all fought, kicked and scratched to get this network up to fifth place. Now we have to keep it there! Jimmy, don't let it slip into sixth! We are counting on you."

    Over at "Late Night," Fallon acknowledged that his shift was the big news of the day: "Hello! Welcome!" he began. "This is 'Late Night With Jimmy Fallon' -- for now," he said. "You guys probably heard the news -- I’m going to be taking over 'The Tonight Show' next February! But don't worry. Until February, our focus is right here on whatever this show is called."

    Added Fallon, "I want to thank everyone here at 'Late Night,' the staff, the crew and, of course, The Roots. I have to say thanks to Jay Leno for being so gracious. It means so much to me to have his support. I just want to thank the fans for staying up to 12:35 a.m. and watching us." 

    Over on the other networks, former "Late Night" host David Letterman played up the story for laughs on CBS' "Late Show." Letterman was notoriously angered not to have been offered the "Tonight" show gig himself in 1992 when Leno was tapped, and that feud hasn't faded over the last 22 years. 

    "I got a call from my mom today," said Letterman, who also devoted his Top 10 list to Leno. "She says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get 'The Tonight Show' again."

    Leno wasn't about to let it go unsaid, either, quipping, "Folks, I got to be honest with you, I had a really awkward day today," he said in the opening. "I had to call David Letterman and tell him he didn't get 'The Tonight Show' again. Awful! Terrible!"

    The Hollywood Reporter noted that Letterman also referenced the O'Brien issue, questioning not Fallon but the choice to make another switch: "Didn’t we just go through this?" he said. "Jay Leno now is being replaced, and this is the second time this has happened. I mean, it’s crazy. He’s being replaced by a younger late-night talk show host -- what could possibly go wrong? Honestly. They had pretty good luck with this in the past."

    Speaking of O'Brien, he also addressed the topic around the 30-minute mark of his TBS show "Conan." "I want to congratulate Jimmy. That is a really fun gig." His audience laughed, and he followed up: "You laugh, he said, but it really is. Jimmy is the perfect guy to do it. ... He's going to do a fantastic job. So congratulations, Jimmy."

    The one broadcast late night host who doesn't have any dog in this race, Jimmy Kimmel, also had something to say. 

    "It is a big one for the world of late-night television," said Kimmel in his "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" monologue on ABC, according to The Hollywood Reporter. "As you probably heard -- it was announced officially today -- that, starting in February of next year -- after the Olympics -- I will take over as new host of 'The Tonight Show.' I spoke to Jay on the phone today." A member of his staff interrupted. "Excuse me for one moment. ... OK. Um, apparently it was a different Jimmy."

    He read one of the headlines about the changeup on his cell phone and added, "Turns out I will not be hosting 'The Tonight Show.' Does anyone know what the return policy is on yachts?"

    In the end, though, it was largely friendly banter and Fallon's ascension to the throne (which will move, along with the show, to New York City), seems to have gone over well. But Leno had one last warning: "NBC says in five years, they plan to replace Jimmy with Justin Bieber," he said. "They are moving too quickly!"

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  • Selena Gomez gets in a Justin Bieber zinger on 'Late Show'

    By Kurt Schlosser, TODAY

    While Justin Bieber has been making headlines for falling apart on his current tour, his ex Selena Gomez is making jokes about breaking up.

    Gomez stopped by the "Late Show" for a chat with David Letterman on Monday night and he asked the 20-year-old "Spring Breakers" star if she was dating any boys. She said no, not yet.

    "I remember the last time you were here you were with Justin Bieber," Letterman said. "That's not going on now?"

    "No, I'm single. I'm so good," Gomez said.

    Letterman went on to say that the last time Bieber was on his show, he got into a conversation with the pop star, "and I made him cry."

    Gomez laughed, slapped Letterman on the knee and shot back,"Well then, that makes two of us."

    The crowd roared, Letterman lost it and Gomez blushed as it became apparent that her burn was indeed said out loud.

    Well played, indeed.


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  • Hugh Jackman, Jamie Foxx bust a move on 'Tonight Show,' 'Late Show'

    By Courtney Hazlett, TODAY

    Hugh Jackman's "Gangnam Style" meeting with the song's singer PSY went viral in October -- the two were shooting "Wolverine" and "X-Factor" next door to one another -- and on Thursday's "Tonight Show," Jackman (now promoting "Les Miserables") attempted to share the love with host Jay Leno, offering up a tutorial in the viral dance moves. 

    Spoiler: one of the men is much better at going "Gangnam" than the other.

    But Jackman wasn't the only guy busting some moves on late night television Thursday. Jamie Foxx, appearing on the "Late Show with David Letterman," recalled Wednesday's "121212: The Concert for Sandy Relief," and his respect for "seasoned" -- not older -- rock legends The Rolling Stones.

    Specifically, Foxx was very taken with some of Mick Jagger's dancing. Demonstrating them himself, Foxx said, "I love how he'll come to you and leave," Foxx said of one of Jagger's signature moves.

    "Well sure, you don't want him to stay exactly -- I mean you kinda do, but you don't really," Letterman responded.

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  • Stephen Colbert despairs, Jon Stewart rejoices in presidential election results

    By Mike Berman and Randee Dawn, NBC News contributors

    Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

    “What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

    But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

    But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

    Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

    “Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

    And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

    Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

    First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

    “What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

    Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

    Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.


     “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

    Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

    Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

    “Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

    Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

    Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

    And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

    "I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

    "Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

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  • Joe Biden jokes, 'If you vote early, you don't have to pay taxes'

    CBS

    Vice President Joe Biden.

    By NBC News staff

    Vice President Joe Biden stopped by "Late Show With David Letterman" Thursday night and extended his well wishes to the New York-based host and his East Coast viewers in the wake of Superstorm Sandy. Biden soon moved on to another serious subject, but he did so without the serious tone.

    With the official Election Day just days away, Biden urged American's to consider voting early -- by delivering Letterman's "Top 10 Good Things About Early Voting" list.

    Highlights of the veep's rundown included these gems:

    10. "I'm not saying each early voter gets a free cheeseburger, but I'm not saying they don't, either."

    6. "If you vote early, you don't have to pay taxes. ... I'm sorry. I'm being told that's not accurate."

    5. "Single and looking to mingle? Find that special someone on the early voting line."

    2. "Early voters will receive a $5 million donation from Donald Trump."

    And topping the list? At No. 1, "Honestly Don't you want this election over with already?"

    He's got a point.

    Or voters can just follow Letterman's advice: "Vote whenever you want," he said. "It makes no damn difference."

    Swing on over

    Over on "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart may be living in a region devastated by a major storm, but he hasn’t lost his sense of perspective.

    “I’m still so thankful to be in soggy, powerless New York, because in some places in this country it’s even worse,” he said on Thursday’s “Daily Show.” “Hurricane Sandy has devastated our region, but at least we don’t live in Swing State Hell!”

    That would be Ohio, which both candidates seem to have selected as their line in the sand and have saturated with even more political advertising than the rest of us living in competitive states get.

    “While the rest of us are free to pursue work, family and recreation, voters in Ohio have to reconcile themselves to being this year’s ‘my precious,’ Stewart said.

    Among the ads is one from the Romney folks that claim Obama has actually been a bad steward of the auto industry, including -- gasp -- selling Chrysler to Italians!


    “Sold Chrysler to Italians? What, we’re afraid of Italians now?’” Stewart said. He then quoted a mock attack ad line: “‘If Obama wins, next the Pope will be telling you what to drive.’”

    Even the car companies have pushed back, which takes the commercial to a whole new level. “How out there is Mitt Romney? A car company -- that tries to convince you you need undercoating -- is coming after him for dishonesty,” Stewart said.

    Stewart’s guest was Bob Woodruff, promoting his “Stand Up for Heroes” fundraiser, scheduled for Nov. 8. It’s an organization that helps soldiers adjust to civilian life once they get back home.

    “It always strikes me, this idea that you need charities to help bring soldiers home from war,” Stewart said. “There is never any ‘Let’s raise money to bomb Iran!’ Somehow we’ve always got money for that.”

    Woorduff noted that Stewart has helped out often in the past, and volunteered him to be an even bigger help this year.

    “He is a big supporter, so he is going to buy you a generator to watch this if you don’t have power,” Woodruff said.

    That’ll lead to record ratings on the East Coast, for sure.

    The horror!

    On the "Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert reported that the storm hit home for him. Because of the restrictions on driving into the city, Colbert said he had to commute to the city by … brace yourselves … the bus!

    “A public bus … with the public in it! I felt like Viggo Mortensen in ‘The Road,’ he said.

    Why was there still water in the subways, he wondered. “Throw a few ShamWows down there! We have the technology”

    And good news for Mormons, as Colbert noted that evangelist Billy Graham deleted his website’s references to Mormonism being a cult after meeting with Romney. “With God, all things are deletable,” Colbert quipped

    “The biggest reason Mormons are no longer a 'cult' is that now a Mormon might beat Obama," he added. "And that is great news for other (so-called) cults. All you have to do to be reclassified as a legitimate religion by Billy Graham is be a viable Republican candidate for president.” But the news wasn’t as good for everyone, based on that standard.

    “Sorry Ron Paul fans -- you’re still a cult,” he said.

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  • Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel snag audiences, David Letterman goes on solo

    By Natalie Finn, E! Online

    "Jimmy Kimmel Live" planned to take New York by storm this week -- alas, it was the other way around. But, a night after canceling the show as post-tropical storm Sandy bore down on the Eastern Seaboard, Jimmy was in business Tuesday at the Brooklyn Academy of Music's Harvey Theater. And he snagged a live studio audience to watch!

    "I was born in Bay Ridge. I grew up in Mill Basin. Tonight, I have returned to save my people from the storm," Kimmel kicked off his monologue. "Thank you for ignoring the local authorities to be here tonight for our first show ... Mayor Bloomberg will be here shortly to have you arrested."

    Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga and more tweet about Sandy, Red Cross relief

    As for his unexpected night off: "I stayed in my hotel room, I drank all the little bottles of shampoo and I passed out."

    Before welcoming guests Howard Stern and Tracy Morgan, Kimmel also touched on hot topics like the fuss over the mayor's sign language translator, Lydia Callis ("It's hard to tell where the sign language ends and the interpretive dance begins") and photobombing types who will run outside in their bathing suits just to get on the news ("Only risk your life when it's hilarious").

    "I was begging Jimmy to cancel the show!" Stern announced. "I'm driving along and I'm trying to get here, and I thought, 'Why am I really trying to be here tonight?'"

    GTL forever! "Jersey Shore" house unharmed by storm

    Letterman, meanwhile, carried his edgy tone over from last night, joking that they normally ignore their audience anyway and lamenting the harsher storm facts like the concerned part-time New Yorker that he is.

    "Odd name for such a miserable force of nature," the "Late Show" host said of Sandy. "Effects felt from Bermuda to Canada, 8 million homes and businesses without electricity...Economic losses could reach $20 billion -- and most of that is in paper towels."

    "I had to come in, I used up all my sick days," he cracked. "I feel like Clint Eastwood, an old guy talking to empty chairs."

    Production shut down on "30 Rock," "Gossip Girl" and more

    Kate Hudson was the previously scheduled guest, but she canceled and Weather Channel expert Jim Cantore ended up doing the honors instead, along with singer Andrew Bird.

    "Oh, it had nothing to do with the hurricane, it's just me," Letterman cracked about Hudson being a no-show.

    Elsewhere in town, Studio 6B was packed once again for "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" (would guest Donald Trump have bothered to show otherwise?), who thanked the crowd for coming out. 

    Donnie Wahlberg records apartment flooding

    "I'm so glad you're here because last night's audience was the worst," Fallon said. "Last night we had to do the show in front of a bunch of empty seats -- or as Clint Eastwood calls that, a full house."

    "A lot of people don't have access to Facebook or Twitter" in the wake of the storm, he continued. "A lot of people couldn't get on Instagram, either. This morning I had to show a picture of what I ate for breakfast to my cab driver."

    New York needs deep-pocketed do-gooders like these folks right now

    Fallon also had a good zinger for Trump, as they talked about what the "Celebrity Apprentice" chair will do with his $5 million if President Barack Obama doesn't heed his call to turn over his college and passport records.

    Noted Fallon: "New Jersey could use it."

    To aid storm relief, please text REDCROSS to 90999 ($10 donation) or visit http://redcross.org

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  • David Letterman takes Donald Trump to task over his Obama offer

    By Kimberly Nordyke, The Hollywood Reporter

    Donald Trump has just trumped himself. The "Celebrity Apprentice" star made news Wednesday with his "bombshell" announcement that he'd donate $5 million to the charity of President Obama’s choice if the commander-in-chief would release his college records and applications and passport records and applications. (Trump has publicly questioned whether the president was born in the U.S.)

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    And now, in an appearance on CBS' "Late Show With David Letterman" airing Thursday night, he says he'd give even more money if the president complies.

    "I assume and I hope that his records are perfect," Trump says. "He picks up $5 million for charity. Five million. From me. Immediate. Check written. I'd even go more to be honest; there, you have a scoop," he told Letterman.

    Quipped Letterman with his arms spread wide: "Would you give him one of those giant checks?"

    Asked why he made the offer, Trump replied: "Transparency. Does that make sense to anybody?" Many members of the audience applauded in response.

    He added: "I hope everything's perfect. I want it to be perfect. And it very well might be."

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    Trump also appeared on CNN's "Piers Morgan Tonight" on Wednesday, where he told the host that he had received “tremendous praise for the most part" even though many people had mocked him on Twitter.

    Obama himself responded to Trump's offer on Wednesday's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," joking that Trump’s beef with him dated back to their days growing up in Kenya.

    "We had constant run-ins on the soccer field," Obama told Leno. "He wasn't very good and resented it. When we finally moved to America, I thought it would be over."

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  • Jimmy Fallon invites audience to visit 'Mister Romney's Neighborhood'

    By Craig Berman, Randee Dawn, NBC News contributors

    NBC

    Jimmy Fallon.

    Jimmy Fallon took his Tuesday night audience to the land of Make-Believe, as he donned his Mitt Romney outfit and salt-and-pepper hair and invited them to visit "Mister Romney's Neighborhood," a wicked riff on the classic PBS series "Mister Roger's Neighborhood."

    Naturally, in Mitt's neighborhood, there's no soft blue cardigan to change into -- just another dark suit jacket -- and there's Manuel ready to take care of your shoewear. But Fallon-as-Romney had lessons to impart, such as the definition of money. "Do you know what money is?" he asked the camera. "I'm guessing no, because you're watching public television. Therefore you don't have cable. Therefore you're probably poor."

    After a brief visit from President Obama (psst: not the real one), Fallon/Romney led audiences to the neighborhood of Make-Believe. "That's where me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from," he said, strapping a stuffed dog to the top of the trolley for the journey.

    Truly, a joke that never gets old. And what did we learn about the land of Make-Believe? About things that don't really exist in the real world -- like a cat, in a tree house. Or Romney's tax returns.

    Meanwhile, the boys at Comedy Central were hot on the trail in another way. Romney's surge in the polls led "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart to declare the election all but over, much like it was a lock for Barack Obama a week ago. But that’s nothing compared to how Stephen Colbert feels.

    Colbert’s guest on "The Colbert Report" was a delightfully cranky Morrissey, who again put the kibosh on any reunion of The Smiths and seemed to be contemplating renouncing his anti-meat stance to turn Colbert into a plate of bacon. But he saved his biggest rant for the British royal family.

    “I think they are arrogant, horrible dictators,” Morrissey said.

    Guess that knighthood honor will have to wait.

    But Colbert defended the honor of Princess Kate and company. Finally, Morrissey asked: “Do you have a royal family?”

    “Yes. It’s called the Romneys,” Colbert said.

    With a Romney presidency a certainty, Stewart took a look at how Mitt Romney might do something to eliminate that trillion dollar deficit he calls “immoral.” The Republican nominee has already said that social security and medicare won’t be changed for senior citizens. Job training is OK. He’ll even add to the Navy by 15 ships a year, including three submarines.

    “It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but just seven more submarines and America gets a free sandwich,” Stewart said.

    Moreover, all of that would come with the 20 percent tax cut that Romney has already promised.

    "We get to keep all our stuff -- and pay less for it! This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all of the flavor and none of the calories,” Stewart said.

    The obvious item that could be used to make those numbers work is a repeal of Obamacare, the sacred cause of many a Republican candidate this election cycle. But Romney said he intends to maintain some of the provisions he likes, like coverage of preexisting conditions and extending the period children can be covered on their parents policy.

    Which caused Stewart to ask: “Are you a wizard? Do you know or have you ever captured a leprechaun? Is there a goose in your house that produces eggs that are unusually heavy? Because if not, you’re lying!”

    And he’s still looking for more specificity, saying “Dude couldn’t be more vague if he were an HBO season finale!”

    Though even Democratic fans of “The Sopranos” would give the award to HBO in that category.

    Of course, Steven Colbert is happier with current events. “He is on a rocket ride to plausible!” Colbert gushed about Romney’s recent surge. But he’s not taking anything for granted either.

    President Obama warned at a recent event that “we’re only going to do it if everyone is almost obsessive for the next 29 days.” Colbert chastened his fans for their passivity.

    “That’s right Obama supporters. Right now you’re only logged on to his website, Facebook page, Twitter feed, YouTube channel, mobile app, Pintrest board, Tumblr, Flicker, Spotify, Storify and Instagram. He needs you to commit!”

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  • Stephen Colbert takes on political preachers, while Letterman lands Romney interview -- sort of

    By NBC News staff

    Comedy Central

    Election Day is just five weeks away, but the Barack Obama-Mitt Romney race is far from over.

    “The debate could change everything,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday’s “Colbert Report.” “The past two years of campaigning will mean jack squat. A total reset back to Year Zero of America. We will abandon the city and seek refuge in Cliffside caves.”

    And speaking of reset, the first of Colbert’s two guests was looking to go back to the days where church leaders could get directly involved in political endorsements, before the IRS stepped in and it was declared illegal for tax-exempt organizations. Religious figures involved plan to make political speeches this weekend on Pulpit Freedom Sunday, send the tapes to the IRS, and challenge those laws. Because who doesn’t love being both sued and audited?

    Then again, Colbert did put up a good sales pitch. “Pulpit Freedom Sunday! When the thrill of lengthy sermons finally meets the excitement of tax policy. It’s the boldest theological movement since Casual Good Friday,” he said.

    Explaining it from the organizing group’s perspective was Pastor Jim Garlow, a leader of the Pulpit Freedom Sunday effort. Grabow was a good sport, answering Colbert’s theory that if a religious leader endorsed a candidate who lost or failed in office, it would reflect poorly on God.

    “Your God’s probably just fine. But maybe you just had a loser preacher,” Garlow said.

    But Colbert wasn’t convinced.

    “I don’t need the government protecting me from speech,. I am a mature free-thinking American capable of making my own rational decision about which candidate my priest says God wants me to pick,” he said.

    After that Colbert talked to Jorge Ramos of Univision. Ramos said he doesn’t expect the Latino vote to be in play, and that the Republican strategy for dealing with the immigration issue isn’t a winner.

    <

    “I’ve spoken to thousands of immigrants and I haven’t found one who wants to self-deport,” he said.

    What voter fraud?

    On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart focused on the failure of a Voter ID law in Pennsylvania, which the courts ruled could not be applied in 2012.

    “Typical liberal judge! Striking down a perfectly hypothetical solution for fear of the real harm that it does,” he said. “The whole thing is a farce. In-person voter fraud doesn’t exist. It’s like outlawing New York Mets World Series celebrations.” Jon, Jon, Jon … was the 1986 Series really so long ago? Oh, wait. Guess it was.

    “The Daily Show” also sketched out what it might have been like had Herman Cain kept the lead he had at one point in the primary election polls and became president. The former GOP nominee gave a taste of how he would respond if China demanded repayment of our debt.

    “Why you gotta play me like that China? When you loaned that money to my predecessors, did you really think you were gonna get it back?” Cain said.

    If nothing else, I’m sure the voters would appreciate the honesty.

    Finally

    David Letterman's repeated public invitations to Mitt Romney finally paid off. The host, who's hasn't held back his negative commentary about the Republican candidate, wanted Romney on the "Late Show" and on Tuesday night, he got him -- sort of.

    Letterman introduced Romney and out came funnyman Jack Black in the role of Romney.

    "I must say, in person, you're even more handsome," Letterman quipped.

    "What a kind and thoughtful thing to say," Black-as-Romney responded. "Especially to a guest who is so reticent to appear on your late-night television program. Any misgivings I previously had about talking to you have been vanquished!"

    And this Romney had even more praise for Letterman.

    "You're a beacon of impartiality in the wasteland that is the lame-stream media," he said. "I regret my ill-advised to decision to delay my appearance on your program."

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  • Global bacon shortage? Stephen Colbert blames Obama and 'creeping Sharia law'

    By NBC News staff

    Comedy Central

    Stephen Colbert frets over news of a global bacon shortage on "Colbert Report."

    Stephen Colbert was in rare form on Wednesday, offending a laundry list of religions with his political theories behind the pending bacon shortage and the movement to get people praying for a Romney win.

    Not surprisingly, the bacon story came first. The expected dearth in the supply of America’s favorite breakfast meat has been all over the news, and Colbert isn’t buying the explanation that a drought is the cause.

    “Just think about it -- who’s not supposed to eat bacon? Well, Jews first, but most of the Jews I know eat it anyway. No, I’m talking about the really observant Jews -- Muslims. They won’t even touch bacon. Which means this bacon shortage is nothing less than creeping Sharia law.”

    And like the commentators whose opinions he channels, Colbert knows who’s at fault.

    “You know who I blame? Barack Obama. I have been warning you for years about his kowtowing to Islamic extremists, and now the chicken schwarma is coming home to roost,” he said. The next thing you know, Cat Deeley is hosting ‘So You Think You Can Dervish.”

    Which would be far from the most bizarre reality show on TV today.

    Praying to save America

    But anyone worried that Colbert would spend the whole show on Islam didn’t need to worry. He soon turned the topic over to Christianity. More specifically, the  “40 Days to Save America” website that asks pastors and congregations to commit to asking God for help electing their desired candidates, arguing that “prayer + fasting + action equals change”

    “That’s amazing. Usually prayer plus fasting plus action equals passing out,” Colbert said.

    The pastor behind the movement, Rick Scarborough, helped launch Rick Perry’s presidential campaign with a prayer rally. We all know how that turned out. But as Colbert noted: “Pastor Scarborough did credit the rally with ending the drought in Texas. So clearly his prayers work on natural disasters, which is a perfect match for the Romney campaign.”


    As for its effects?

    “This prayer will help Mitt Romney win over undecided voters, especially the biggest undecided voter of them all -- God. I mean, he may be all-knowing, but he would still like to know a little bit more about Mitt’s tax returns," according to Colbert. "In fact, God is three undecided voters – the father, son and holy spirit. And you have to figure the son is leaning Obama, what with the long hair and the loaves and fishes handouts to the poor. Get a job, hippie!”

    But if Jesus is a long shot under that scenario, Colbert thinks this approach has a better shot with God, who as traditionally depicted fits the Romney demographic.

    “He’s old, male, vengeful, and he lives in a gated community.”

    Big budget boom

    But there's someone who doesn't connect with either Romney or Obama, at least when it comes to the bottom line. On Wednesday night's "Late Show," David Letterman spoke with British Prime Minister David Cameron, who scoffed at the billion-plus budgets of American political campaigns.

    "It's a really big difference between us," Cameron said of the campaign process. "We don't allow political parties to advertise on television, so that massively cuts the cost."

    With applause from the "Late Show" audience, Cameron added, "I've never uttered the words, 'I'm David Cameron, and I approve this message.'"

    What's in a name?

    In honor of the gathering of the United Nations General Assembly in New York this week, Letterman then turned his focus to a Top Ten roundup on Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- specifically, "words that almost rhyme with Mahmoud."

    "I'm sure in Iran, it's probably a very common name," the host began, "But to us, it has an odd sound to our ear."

    So with the help of a rhyming dictionary and a "special thesaurus," he offered such entries as "muumuu," "Brit Hume," "mom nude," and his No. 1 pick, "Mets booed."

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