Want to find Bill Clinton on Twitter? Well, as of Monday night you just have to type in @PrezBillyJeff, which is a dignified handle any former leader of the free world would be happy to own. And who can you blame -- er, credit -- for it? Stephen Colbert.

It was all part of Monday night's "Colbert Report," which was devoted entirely to Colbert's interview of former President Clinton, which had been pre-taped at Clinton's annual Global Initiative University (CGIU) meeting this past weekend. They tackled several serious subjects, including time management and American foreign assistance, but after a while Colbert discovered that while the former president may use Facebook, he does not use Twitter.

"I think I'm so, sort of insecure," he said. "What if you tweet and nobody tweets back?"

Colbert decided it was time to rectify this situation. Holding an iPhone, Colbert announced that he'd "taken the liberty" of opening a Twitter account for President Clinton, but the first obvious handles -- @PresidentClinton, @WilliamJeffersonClinton -- were taken. But @PrezBillyJeff "was available."

Chuckling, Clinton let Colbert send out his first tweet: "Just spent amazing time with Colbert. Is he sane? He is cool!" Colbert added the hashtag of #CGIU, and out it went into the world.

"Sir, welcome to the future," said Colbert, and shook his hand.

Alas, Clinton has not tweeted again as of this writing. It's not a "verified" account yet, and the description reads: "I am President William Jefferson BIlly Jeff Rodham Clinton. Stephen Colbert is my BFF." But he already has 39,666 followers -- and he's following one person.

Who would that be? @StephenAtHome, of course.

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Comedy Central

Stephen Colbert may seem like a hard-shelled fake newsman, but inside he's a romantic -- and a devoted fan of "The Bachelor."

Interrupting his own report about the deficit crisis on Thursday's show -- his last before a two-week vacation -- the "Colbert Report" host sighed, "Shut up. Shut up, you stupid, boring news."

"I want to talk about 'The Bachelor.' I love that show," he gushed, before launching a six-minute sendoff of ABC's wildly successful reality dating show.

"Every time I watch, it's just Daddy time," he revealed. "I just pour myself a glass of chardonnay, and I am off to a land of romance."

Between gulps of wine, the starry-eyed host chastised naysayers.

"Don't be a hatah," he admonished, pointing to the series' "successful" track record: "In 16 seasons one guy has gotten married…to the runner-up, after he initially proposed to a different girl. So the system works."

"And how great is Sean?" Colbert continued about the current Bachelor, who's about to pick the woman he wants to marry. "What girl wouldn't want to be with an eligible hunk who has a successful career as a contestant from last season's 'Bachelorette'?"

Good point.

"My favorite part (of the last episode) was the full minute of emotionally charged staring," said the faux journalist, before playing that excruciating clip -- including the melodramatic closeup of Sean's trembling rose -- as his audience guffawed.

Colbert concluded the segment by pitting guest John Sexton, promoting his book "Baseball as a Road to God," against the emotive "Dougie St. James."

"One of you will be my guest tonight, and the other will be going home," declared Colbert, before selecting Sexton for his interview.

Are you as excited about "The Bachelor" finale as Colbert pretends to be? Tell us on our Facebook page!

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Senator Stephen Colbert anyone? Don't laugh -- it could happen.

All right, so it's not all that likely that the host of "The Colbert Report" will be chosen by South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley to replace exiting Senator Jim DeMint. But almost immediately on the heels of DeMint's announcement that he was leaving Congress to work for conservative think tank The Hedge Foundation came fan speculation that South Carolina native -- and a man who has (or had) a healthy Super PAC -- Colbert might be tapped by Haley to finish out his term.

There's a Colbert for U.S. Senate web page (which notes it is not affiliated with the show or Colbert), and even a "Colbert for Senate" Twitter account now.

And on Thursday night, Colbert spoke on his show in support of the notion. He noted that Haley is a "friend of the show," and showed a brief clip of her appearance on "Report." 

"I know when I look at the U.S. Senate, I say to myself, 'You know what they could use? Another white guy,'" said Colbert, who fits that bill. He then exhorted his viewers to tweet Haley why he should be appointed to the senate, using the hashtag #StephenColbert.

Fans responded. "Can you imagine how much more enjoyable politics would be with #SenatorColbert in Washington?" asked Melanie Shoffner (@ProfShoff). "I would move to South Carolina if it would allow me to vote @StephenAtHome into office," wrote Rene LeClair (@rpleclair). And the potential appointee himself noted in a Tweet: "I wouldn't just block legislation, I'd body-check it!"

"Stephen is honored by the groundswell of support from the Palmetto State and looks forward to Gov. Haley's call," Colbert's publicist said in a statement. 

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Election night was not a good evening for "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert, who showed up Wednesday night face-down on his desk, wearing his red (natch) bathrobe, tossing around popcorn and cracking open a beer. It was a far cry from the crowd dancing he did following the first presidential debate.

“What are you people doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” he asked his audience. “Because evidently you don’t listen to anything I say!”

But things went as well as could be expected for "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, who saw President Obama re-elected and the Democrats pick up a couple of seats in the Senate.

But if there was one downside, it was that his live show that evening prevented him from watching how the folks at Fox News handled themselves watching their nightmare come true. Still, Stewart did riff on how the network he calls “Bulls--- Mountain” spent the night and its aftermath, and it was worth waiting for.

Unsurprisingly, he showed clips of Karl Rove’s desperate attempts to un-call Ohio for Obama, and Fox anchor Megyn Kelly’s challenge to Rove, “Is this just math that you view as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

“Did you see this? Did you record this? Did you TiVo it? Because you can play it back and forth like I did today,” Stewart said. “Here’s what happened. I just want to get it straight Karl, very quickly. Are you lying to yourself? Or to the millions of viewers? Because you’re lying.”

And Stewart found Kelly’s comment notable in another way, suggesting to the network’s executives that "'Math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better' is a much better slogan for Fox than what they have now.”

Stewart also examined what happened in the hours after the election, when the Fox News team looked at the shattered remains of their election map and attempted to make some sense of what happened.

First came the predictable excuse that many voters, clearly more than the 47 percent Mitt Romney dismissed in that infamous campaign-event-turned-viral-video, took advantage of the chance to line their pockets at the expense of the selfless, wealthy job-creating class.

“What an incredible story to tell yourselves. ‘We would have won, if not for the moral failings of the non-real Americans,’” Stewart said. “Last night minorities, who feel entitled to things, came away and took the country away from the self-sufficient white Medicare retirees and upper class tax avoidance experts, or as they’re also known, ‘your audience.’”

Fox also blamed negative campaigning from Obama, and the smearing of Romney’s record. Of course, much of the attacks were originally made by Romney’s rivals in the primary, causing Stewart to note, “This election wasn’t murder. It was auto un-erotic asphyxiation.”

Finally, the network tried to treat the results as something less than a mandate, a confusing approach given the lopsided nature of the electoral college results, particularly if Florida is called for Obama once the results are finally tabulated.

 “Yes, let this resounding victory by Barack Obama be a lesson to the president. If you don’t moderate your positions, you may not win that third term!” Stewart said.

Nate Silver, the man of the hour in the data-driven community, was Stewart’s guest on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.” Silver came under fire from the right when his "FiveThirtyEight" blog predicted an overwhelming likelihood of an Obama victory at a time when the conventional narrative was that this election would be “razor tight,” whatever that means.

Considering the results went almost exactly as his analysis predicted, however, a lot of those critics owe Silver an apology.

“Don’t you want to stand up and go ‘I am Nate Silver! Bow down to me! I am Nate Silver, Lord and God of the Algorithm?” Stewart asked.

Silver demurred, perhaps because his blog wasn’t perfect. It did call that North Dakota senate race wrong.

Meanwhile, over on the broadcast networks, David Letterman noted during his "Late Show" monologue, "Well, it's over. And as usual, the guy from Kenya won." Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" congratulated President Obama on his re-election, and noted there was hope for the GOP since depression "is covered by Obamacare."

And "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon (whose dog is not apparently to be trusted with predicting presidential race winners) trotted out his Romney character one more time, chatting on the phone with "President Obama," who noted that he had done well with the Latino vote. "Which is odd, because 80 percent of Latinos work for me," said Fallon/Romney.

"I'm just going to focus on the good times," said Romney/Fallon. "Remember that first debate?"

"Obama" replied: "Yep. You remember ... right now? Ha! Burn notice!"

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Finally, Election Day is here and "The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert reigns triumphant. Not because he's been elected to anything -- but because he and his Super PAC, “Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow,” got a (likely unintentional) hat tip in the final hours of campaigning.

Mitt Romney recently told voters, “We can begin a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“He used our slogan!” Colbert said. “I think that proves that Mitt is a candidate just as serious and sincere as I am.”

But while the onslaught of political ads are over, the pundits and their punditry will be with us always. And the pundits were right in the crosshairs on both "Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show," though how any of the hosts managed to decide which clips to use among the sheer volume of noise on television is a mystery.

“Obviously on Wednesday or, God forbid, Thursday or December or whenever this thing is figured out, we’ll know which pundits were wrong, which were wronger, and which were ‘Oh my God, that guy was really wrong!'” Jon Stewart said on "The Daily Show."

Regardless, there are unlikely to be any meaningful consequences for the losers. “Punditry is like musical chairs. The only difference is that when the music stops, nobody moves the chairs. They just keep adding more chairs,” Stewart said.

"Colbert Report" guest Nate Silver also weighed in. “I’m not very pro-pundit, I have to say. If pundits were on the ballot against Ebola, I might vote Ebola -- or third party.”

Perhaps that’s partially because of his tiff with Joe Scarborough, the MSNBC morning host who read Silver’s computer model predicting an overwhelming chance of an Obama victory and sniped, “Anybody who thinks this race is anything but a toss-up right now is such an ideologue that they should be kept away from typewriters because they’re jokes.”

“Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney’s tax plan doesn’t add up,” Colbert said.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel continued to quiz random people on the streets of Los Angeles -- to continued sad, hilarious effect.

His most recent sidewalk escapade involved sending a reporter for "Lie Witness News" to ask people whether they'd voted yet, even though no polls were open in California when they initiated the quiz. Pretty much everyone was planning to vote later that evening ... but a few happily admitted to the fact that yes, they had voted, and lines were long.

Even a man in an Elmo costume couldn't be trusted to tell the whole truth, so he got a special prize: A sticker on his furry chest reading, "I lied."

Still, there was one voter who couldn't lie about choosing the next U.S. president, mainly because a dog can't vote. "Late Night's" Jimmy Fallon brought his dog Gary to the studio and offered her (yes, her) up two bowls of kibble -- in hopes he could lend some insight into who will win on Tuesday. So who did Gary pick? Check out the video to find out. The future of the nation could be at stake.

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Jon Stewart wasted no time leaping on Tuesday night's Presidential Debates on "Daily Show" Wednesday -- and he picked two of the most obvious soundbites from the debates to skewer: First, Mitt Romney's infamous comment about getting “binders full of women” qualified for jobs when he was governor of Massachusetts. Stewart played the clip, arranged the papers on his desk, paused, and smiled.

“Couple of things: One the women’s group was called MassGAP and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as a binder full of women, but perhaps as an organized collection of qualified resumes,” Stewart said. “But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”

He had more fun with the Libya discussion, which centered on determining the exact day President Obama first referred to it as an act of terror. Watching Romney walk into a trap of his own devising was almost too good for Stewart to talk about, particularly given that Obama urged him to "please, proceed."

“There’s your first clue -- when you feel you’re about you’re about to spring what you think is the checkmate moment of the debate and your debate opponent says to you, ‘Please proceed. Hold on, are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider,’” Stewart said. “When your opponent does that, you may want to wonder a la Wile E Coyote and Road Runner, (whether) that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock.”

From Stewart’s perspective, that’s exactly what it was. It should make Thursday’s interview with President Obama less awkward than it would have been a week ago, when Stewart was still focused on his less-robust performance in the first debate. Odds are good, however, that this will still come up in that conversation.

Stephen Colbert also had some thoughts, although he first told his viewers: “If you’re an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it’s 2-0.”

Like Stewart, he considered the Libya comment a turning point -- but wasn’t as happy with the outcome. “No, no ... it’s supposed to change everything the other way!” he said.  “That should have been Mitt’s moment of chest-thumping dominance over the carcass of his opponent, and it would have been too had it not been for that meddling moderator.”

In that latter comment, he echoed the Fox News spin, which also decried Candy Crowley’s purported fact-checking, which they argued should have taken place only after the event.

“Yes, the time for fact-checking is after the event, when voters have stopped watching,” Colbert said.

He was also sympathetic towards the Fox criticism of the “random” questions. “Why are we talking about Lady Issues in the Town Hall? Save it for the Sadie Hawkins debate when the girls are supposed to do the asking.”

And don’t get him started on assault weapons, or Romney’s spin that two-parent households could help solve the problem.

“The answer to gun violence isn’t getting rid of assault weapon, its two-parent households,” Colbert said. “Because when a psychopath marches into the mall in Kevlar body armor, slowly lifting the laser site of his Ak-47 towards the Sunglass Hut, the only thing that will stop him from carnage is when he asks himself what would mom and dad think?”

And having learned that people on the street will opine on anything if a microphone is in front of them, "Jimmy Kimmel Live" again sent roving reporters out to talk to people not just about a debate that hadn't happened yet (as they did last night, before the second presidential debates even started) -- but on one that would never exist: A First Ladies debate between Ann Romney and Michelle Obama. Naturally, everyone they spoke to was well-informed and happy to talk about who did the best in that particular debate. 

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Comedy Central

There’s no more awkward day to be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert than times like Tuesday night. The presidential debate had just finished, the viewing audience was eager to get their takes on it … and because both taped before it began, everyone had to wait a day for the snark.

Colbert’s prediction was obvious: “(Romney’s) got the edge heading into tonight’s presidential debate, in that unlike Obama, he was there for the first one.”

We’ll see Wednesday night if he gives himself credit for being right.

Both hosts had some fun with Paul Ryan’s volunteering -- or perhaps “volunteering” -- at a soup kitchen. After the fact, reports came out that there were no customers there, that the dishes were already washed and that the Romney team "forced" Ryan’s way into a facility that doesn’t want to be used as a political tool.

“Do you know how hard it is to make volunteering at a homeless shelter look like a negative thing?” Stewart said.

And even though later reports proved that those dishes really were dirty -- and specifically set aside for Ryan's brief visit -- the hosts didn't give the VP candidate a break.

“Forget 'Atlas Shrugged.' This weekend, Atlas Scrubbed,” Colbert noted. And he didn’t seemed bothered by the question of whether Ryan’s efforts were for the homeless or simply for the cameras. Even if he was only washing plates for a photo op, Colbert said, “That may sound pointless, but remember he’s running for vice president, the Commander-in-Pointless.”

Colbert also sympathized with the plaintiff on a Supreme Court case in which she alleges that she was not admitted to the University of Texas, and instead had to attend Louisiana State, because she is not a minority. (If it’s any comfort to her, plenty of Texas students probably wish they’d picked LSU instead following the Longhorns blowout loss on Saturday to Oklahoma).

“Folks, there is no greater injustice than having to attend your safety school,” he said. “I was devastated when I had to attend Dartmouth instead of my first choice: Hogwarts. They never responded to my application owl -- probably because he was white.”

And to compound the insult, “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling went on “The Daily Show” Monday night instead of appearing on Colbert. Burn!

Colbert did get Newark Mayor Cory Booker, fresh off his deal to get Manischewitz to relocate its corporate headquarters to his city (“You’ve got the worst wine on Earth coming. Mazel Tov!” Colbert said). The host asked the Democratic Booker to defend President Obama’s performance in the first debate.

“I think in this environment of 'American Idol,' we get focused on form and not as much on substance,” Booker said.

It’s settled. Ryan Seacrest and the “Idol” judges are moderating the next debate.  

As for Tuesday night's "Idol"-free debate, elsewhere in late night, it wasn't too early to focus on it after all. Jimmy Kimmel could have covered the action after it happened on his "Live!" show, but where's the fun in that? Instead he sent a camera crew out to the streets to talk to public about just who won the debate -- long before it ever took place.

But just because it hadn't actually happened yet, that didn't mean the man in the street didn't have some strong opinions about it. Some gave it to Obama, while other politically-minded folks rattled off their favorite highlights from the debate they only imagined. Watch the video above for the full range of reactions.

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“The Daily Show” traditionally is a Monday-Thursday operation, taking Fridays off and enjoying a long weekend every week. Nice work if you can get it. But one of the drawbacks is that it took an extra-long time to get Jon Stewart’s reaction to the Vice Presidential Debate that took place last week.

We finally got that on Monday, and it’s safe to say that Stewart was happier with Joe Biden’s performance than he was with Barack Obama’s the week before. The vice president was on top of his game, aggressively stating the administration’s accomplishments and swooping in to correct any of challenger Paul Ryan’s mistakes.

 “Who are you and what have you done with Crazy Joe Biden?” Stewart said. “Not only was Biden not his lovable, gaffe-tastic caricature, he must have recently upped his Adderall prescription because he was fact-checking this debate in real time!”

Biden wouldn’t have been Biden had he not been combative, and he took every opportunity to accuse Ryan of lying short of saying “lying.” Perhaps he knew that Mitt Romney had that word in Debate Bingo and wanted to keep him from winning.

Stewart was a big fan of Biden’s phrase, “With all due respect, that’s a bunch of malarkey.”

“That’s a weird combination of gangster and old-timey Irish colloquialism. Like ‘Goodfellas’ meets ‘The Quiet Man,'" he said.

The folks at Fox News, of course, did not agree with that assessment, and the “Daily Show” showed an assortment of clips in which its news team questioned Biden’s approach. One even used Biden as a clinic of what not to do if you were a 60-something man looking for a date, which may say something about that network’s target audience.

“Yep, fellas. If you’re going a-courtin' and you want to turn off women, act like Biden,” Stewart said. “Of course, if you’re looking to keep women alive and healthy, you might want to focus more on what he was saying, vis-a-vis health insurance and Medicare.”

“So to sum up Fox’s post-debate coverage, Joe Biden was an angry, demented, abusive, drunk old crazy person ... who mopped the floor with our guy,” he added.

Meanwhile on "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert focused on the Nobel Peace Prize, which the Norwegian Nobel Committee kept close to home and awarded to the European Community. He was less than impressed: “Oh what a shock! Congratulations, Europe! You gave yourself the Nobel Peace Prize!”

Predictably, Colbert wanted to see it awarded to another nation, one that is perhaps more active in the world’s hot spots and friendlier to comedic conservative talk show hosts.

“How about one for the United States of America? I don’t know about you, but I seem to remember someone putting an end to a couple of dust-ups that Europe started,” Colbert said. “What were they called again? Oh yeah, World War I and World War II. No biggie. Oh, and who spent billions on military bases all over Europe to keep the Communists from boot-stomping your waffle stands and Vespa dealerships. Oh yeah, we did.” 

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On the night of the vice-presidential debate, both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were hamstrung by their early tape times. Anyone waiting for their take on the Joe Biden-Paul Ryan slugfest would have to wait until Monday.

That didn’t stop Colbert from discussing it briefly, even though he admitted up front. “I haven’t seen it yet. Nor will I ever – it’s the vice-presidential debate.”

He focused on the complaints from the right that the moderator was Martha Raddatz. President Barack Obama was at her wedding 21 years ago to Obama’s law school classmate -- who she divorced in 1997. 

For Colbert, it’s enough to prove a conspiracy. “He knew that panini press would pay off eventually for the running mate he hadn’t met yet,” the host said. And if the gift wasn’t enough, there was the implied social obligation to tilt the scales for Biden. After all, “What woman doesn’t love doing a favor for her ex-husband’s friends?”

Then again, who needs petty friends like Raddatz anyway? Colbert’s guest was author Chrystia Freeland, plugging her book “Plutocrats, The Rise of the New Global Super-Rich and the Fall of Everyone Else.”

Of course, Colbert sees no problem with that trend. “Why is that a problem? The super-rich have super-earned all their super-wealth.”

Freeland agreed that this was the attitude among her subject group. Some argue that the tax burden should be reduced because of their voluntary contributions to their favorite causes, which presumably are more appropriate than the government’s plan for their tax dollars.

“We may not need roads or schools, but we do need the ballet,” Colbert said.

“Exactly. You may not need air traffic controllers, because you have your own private jet,” Freeland responded.

Stewart, meanwhile, focused on the low-hanging fruit: the downticket races. Like his old friend from Missouri, Senate candidate Todd Akin, and his thoughts on how the female body can protect itself from becoming pregnant if a woman is really raped.

“Yeah, the female body shuts it down if it’s legitimate rape,” Stewart said, of its magical powers. “It can repel rape sperm! It can turn ordinary rocks into beautiful gems in minutes!”

He also noted the divergent attitudes towards military service displayed by Florida candidate Allen West, who touts his own work in his TV ads, and Illinois’ Joe Walsh, who says opponent Tammy Duckworth talks about her own service too much in contrast to the “real heroes” who minimize their contributions.

“Can I be there when you tell Allen West he’s not a real hero?” Stewart hoped.

Elsewhere on "Live!", Jimmy Kimmel suggested the participants in various presidential and vice-presidential debates could be kept within stricter time limits if they were only treated like winners on award shows -- by being played off with music. After showing an example of Vice-President Joe Biden being handled in such a way, Kimmel quipped, "He didn't even have a chance to thank his agent."

And "Late Show's" David Letterman decided to lease up on Mitt Romney, turning on VP candidate Paul Ryan instead, with "Top 10 Thoughts Going Through Paul Ryan's Mind At This Moment," referring to photos of Ryan pumping iron and wearing a backwards-facing baseball cap.

"It's like the Backstreet Boys or something," said Letterman derisively of the photo shoot.

So what was Ryan's No. 1 thought during the shoot? "Maybe now people will take me seriously."

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Jon Stewart still hasn’t forgiven President Barack Obama for his debate performance last week. In fact, judging by the Wednesday night “Daily Show,” his frustration has only gotten worse.

“Election watchers are on the lookout this late in the campaign season for what they refer to as an October Surprise. Well, it appears that time is upon us as evidenced by the recent presidential debate in which President Obama revealed his explosive October Surprise -- that he has given up,” Stewart said to open the political commentary section of the show.

Harsh. But it didn’t end there. Stewart also isn't a fan of Obama’a comeback strategy, which involves a one-way strategic alliance with "Sesame Street," as evidenced by Obama’s rally quip: “Thank Goodness someone is finally getting tough on Big Bird.”

“Excellent ... next day comeback. It’s that 3 a.m. ‘Oh, that’s what I should have said!’” Stewart said.

But the quip has turned into a full-fledged marketing strategy, with TV ads rushed to market ridiculing Mitt Romney for taking on "Sesame Street" instead of Wall Street, and will.i.am beginning a rally for the president by playing the theme song.

“That ad allowed John McCain -- John McCain! -- to laugh at you!” Stewart said. “Let it go!”

This wouldn’t be the United States of America if companies weren’t using the presidential campaign to try and move product.

Both 7-Eleven and Pizza Hut have marketing strategies tied to the election. The red-or-blue cups campaign, where customers theoretically pick the cup of the candidate they support, as opposed to the one nearest to the Big Gulp machine or not covered with Slurpee slime, has Obama with a 20-point lead.

Those are just about the only poll numbers that are trending in the president’s direction though, as Stephen Colbert noted on "The Colbert Report," the results are likely biased. It’s not like Mitt Romney can vote for himself there, given that many Mormons skip caffeine.

Pizza Hut, meanwhile, is offering 30 years worth of free food to anyone who will use next week’s Town Hall debate to ask the candidates about their pizza topping preferences. “We recognize that there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious -- but no less important -- ones are being discussed inside houses across the country,” its statement said.

“True. Issues like 'What the (expletive) has happened to American Democracy?'” Colbert responded.

Colbert later interviewed Naomi Wolf, author of “Vagina: A New Biography.” She’s been a guest on the show before, and the host gave credit where it was due.

“The last time you were here, five years ago, you were here for the book 'The End of America.' You were like Jeremiah on the mountain telling us we were just a couple of years away from a Totalitarian Police State that would crush all of our rights,” Colbert said. “How did you stop it?”

Wolf didn’t take the credit. Perhaps she’s saving that story for her next book.

Meanwhile on "Late Show," David Letterman reached out to Mitt Romney from afar and said that "job one," if he wants to win this election, is to come on his program "and shut me up." Letterman then took a look into Romney's future following a big loss at the polls, with a series of made-up headlines that pointed out the reason for the loss: His failure to go on Letterman's show. "Just prove I'm a dumb-a-- punk, and you've got to come here and do it now," he dared Romney. 

And over on "The Tonight Show," Jay Leno looked more deeply into who was behind the airplane that flew over a speech Romney made on a farm in Ohio. The plane carried a banner that read "Crack down on Wall Street, not 'Sesame Street.'" His discovery: The two jokers flying the plane were none other than ... Ernie and Bert.

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NBC

Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy Fallon took his Tuesday night audience to the land of Make-Believe, as he donned his Mitt Romney outfit and salt-and-pepper hair and invited them to visit "Mister Romney's Neighborhood," a wicked riff on the classic PBS series "Mister Roger's Neighborhood."

Naturally, in Mitt's neighborhood, there's no soft blue cardigan to change into -- just another dark suit jacket -- and there's Manuel ready to take care of your shoewear. But Fallon-as-Romney had lessons to impart, such as the definition of money. "Do you know what money is?" he asked the camera. "I'm guessing no, because you're watching public television. Therefore you don't have cable. Therefore you're probably poor."

After a brief visit from President Obama (psst: not the real one), Fallon/Romney led audiences to the neighborhood of Make-Believe. "That's where me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from," he said, strapping a stuffed dog to the top of the trolley for the journey.

Truly, a joke that never gets old. And what did we learn about the land of Make-Believe? About things that don't really exist in the real world -- like a cat, in a tree house. Or Romney's tax returns.

Meanwhile, the boys at Comedy Central were hot on the trail in another way. Romney's surge in the polls led "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart to declare the election all but over, much like it was a lock for Barack Obama a week ago. But that’s nothing compared to how Stephen Colbert feels.

Colbert’s guest on "The Colbert Report" was a delightfully cranky Morrissey, who again put the kibosh on any reunion of The Smiths and seemed to be contemplating renouncing his anti-meat stance to turn Colbert into a plate of bacon. But he saved his biggest rant for the British royal family.

“I think they are arrogant, horrible dictators,” Morrissey said.

Guess that knighthood honor will have to wait.

But Colbert defended the honor of Princess Kate and company. Finally, Morrissey asked: “Do you have a royal family?”

“Yes. It’s called the Romneys,” Colbert said.

With a Romney presidency a certainty, Stewart took a look at how Mitt Romney might do something to eliminate that trillion dollar deficit he calls “immoral.” The Republican nominee has already said that social security and medicare won’t be changed for senior citizens. Job training is OK. He’ll even add to the Navy by 15 ships a year, including three submarines.

“It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but just seven more submarines and America gets a free sandwich,” Stewart said.

Moreover, all of that would come with the 20 percent tax cut that Romney has already promised.

"We get to keep all our stuff -- and pay less for it! This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all of the flavor and none of the calories,” Stewart said.

The obvious item that could be used to make those numbers work is a repeal of Obamacare, the sacred cause of many a Republican candidate this election cycle. But Romney said he intends to maintain some of the provisions he likes, like coverage of preexisting conditions and extending the period children can be covered on their parents policy.

Which caused Stewart to ask: “Are you a wizard? Do you know or have you ever captured a leprechaun? Is there a goose in your house that produces eggs that are unusually heavy? Because if not, you’re lying!”

And he’s still looking for more specificity, saying “Dude couldn’t be more vague if he were an HBO season finale!”

Though even Democratic fans of “The Sopranos” would give the award to HBO in that category.

Of course, Steven Colbert is happier with current events. “He is on a rocket ride to plausible!” Colbert gushed about Romney’s recent surge. But he’s not taking anything for granted either.

President Obama warned at a recent event that “we’re only going to do it if everyone is almost obsessive for the next 29 days.” Colbert chastened his fans for their passivity.

“That’s right Obama supporters. Right now you’re only logged on to his website, Facebook page, Twitter feed, YouTube channel, mobile app, Pintrest board, Tumblr, Flicker, Spotify, Storify and Instagram. He needs you to commit!”

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Comedy Central

Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show."

It was the first “Daily Show” for Jon Stewart since Saturday’s debate with Bill O’Reilly. If you didn’t get to see it, you’re not alone. Apparently the World Wide Web  may be big enough for the both of them, but not big enough to accommodate all of their fans and their download requests.

"I apologize for that. Turns out that the Internet is a series of tubes, and if you stuff too much in a series of tubes, it won’t work,” Stewart said.

But it was the other debate that continued to occupy the focus of the show. Mitt Romney is generally considered to have won his showdown with President Barack Obama, but one of the soundbites that everyone is talking about is his plan to cut funding for public broadcasting -- including Big Bird and “Sesame Street.”

“So pack your mugs and your Four Tenor DVDs and your tote bags and ride the high culture train back to cancel town,” Stewart said.

The usual suspects approved. Lou Dobbs was fired up about cutting $8 million from public broadcasting, despite his earlier criticisms that Obama’s desire to end $4 billion in oil subsidies was such a small amount that it wasn’t worth worrying about. In fairness, $4 billion might just be Dobbs’ hair care budget.

It was the fine folks at Fox News, who Stewart refers to with a profanity that got his 8-year-old in trouble for repeating it, who are most thrilled at the prospect of America’s youth not being brainwashed by liberal hacks like Grover and Big Bird.

“So Fox News is upset that empty-headed puppets are trying to brainwash and indoctrinate Americans. Well perhaps you could sue them,” Stewart said. “The charge could be copyright infringement.”

Later, he and his correspondents suggested a new name and slogan: Patriot Street. “Can you tell me how to get? How to get to Patriot Street?! With fiscal responsibility, that’s how!”

Stewart also gave some time to the Republican allegations that the recent positive jobs report was the result of cooking the books by the Obama administration.

But Stephen Colbert on the “Colbert Report” went farther and provided the proof.

"Think of it. Last month 114,000 unemployed moochers, the President’s natural allies, suddenly yank their government teat out of their mouth and get off the couch for 40 hours a week. Why? I say follow the money,” Colbert said. “I found out that right around when those people got those jobs? They started getting paid. And just where did that money come from? Right out of the pockets of job creators!”

For those of a similar mind, or the folks the “New Yorker” cited as feeling persecuted for their wealth, Colbert has a new political group, Protecting Industry Titans & Yachtsmen (or the PITY Party).

“Persecuted rich, join the PITY party. Because Obama might be reelected. And if he’s willing to say that he wants to go after Wall Street in his first term, there’s a chance he might actually do something in his second.”

Colbert did break character for a moment interviewing Mark Kelly. Kelly is the author of the children’s book “'Mousetronaut,” but most know him as the former space shuttle captain and husband of former Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Giffords, of course, was shot at an event in Tucson in January 2011, and recovered enough to make an appearance at the Democratic National Convention.

“As a guy who is an astronaut, who has flown the shuttle four times and had 39 combat missions, did you ever think you’d be the second-most heroic person in your marriage?” he asked.

Related content:

• O'Reilly vs. Stewart: Best moments from online 'Rumble'
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• Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert join forces for the other big debate
• Stephen Colbert takes on political preachers, while Letterman lands Romney interview -- sort of